Recently, a dear friend of mine brought a concern of his to my attention: He said I’ve asked the question one time too many: “Why bother being here?” He was concerned that those words were a red flag for possible suicide. I understand why he would think that, because from his perspective, he is seeing that statement from a clinical or a psychological point of view. I tried to soothe his concerns , telling him that it’s just part of this enlightenment, or Ascension process I and millions of others are going through, that we are releasing and de-structuring our past, we are experiencing losses of our old identity…and that at times we get ‘homesick’ for our spiritual families in the other realms….but I don’t think I really convinced him.
And upon reflection afterward, I realized that, yes, sometimes I do wonder if my job here is done.
The Ascension process can be daunting sometimes. It can be hard on our bodies, our minds, and our spirit. We can feel weary, hopeless, and passionless. Our passions in the past were more about human and mental endeavors and achievements. There is certainly no judgment here, they were totally appropriate for us. However, in the new energy we are releasing a great deal of our old selves…no longer identifying with those jobs, goals or passions…
This can be very challenging to us, because here we are, sitting in this big VOID, not knowing what we want to do, and then beginning to believe, well maybe we don’t even want to be here anymore. After all where’s the fire? Where’s the desire? In the past we could identify easily what we wanted and even if we were unable to achieve it, it was a driving force in our life. But now that we are integrating our higher selves into our human selves, it is totally natural that we would have to let go of all the old human type passions. Not that we can’t enjoy things likes hobbies, interests, vocations, but they don’t necessarily give us the same type of deep joy that they did before. This can be very confusing to us. We wonder how do we create now in our lives? Because as we know, manifesting is based not on thought but on feeling, on passion! Well first of all, it’s extremely important to BREATHE. Breathe deeply into your body… into your belly down into your legs and arms. This will help you to get out of your mind, and to be in the moment, to be in the NOW. Because if you’re not in the now you’re either in the past or in the future. And if you’re not in your body in the now moment, then life will reflect that back to you. If you’re not wanting to be here in this moment in these bodies, the universe will reflect that back to you in terms of your health and your finances and relationships. They will slowly, or sometimes abruptly, begin to leave.
RECEIVING FROM LIFE
You ask then, how do I decide that I do want to be here so that I can receive once again from life? So that I can receive my passion, my health, my finances, relationships that are rewarding and satisfying.? That my friend is the question of the day. I find myself at times saying that perhaps I do not really wish to be here right now. I long sometimes, for that place I call home. In the other realms, where I was surrounded by love and light. We all occasionally yearn for that don’t we? But what we are finding in the new energy is that we can bring home here. Right here, down into our everyday lives. We don’t have to leave our bodies or the planet to create heaven on earth. But this is essential, and I have been asking myself the question from time to time without feeling guilty and that question is: do I really want to be here?
Sometimes it feels as if my work here is done. I feel like I’m done with both duality and polarity. Done with struggling. Done with the day-to-day existence. Sometimes it feels as if the most important thing that’s keeping me here is my music. When I’m involved with my music, I feel like I come alive. I love expressing through music and I love creating musical videos using images, music and messages. For some reason I seem to have gravitated towards that, and it is extremely fulfilling for me. I don’t have a big following, which sometimes I feel bad about, but for the most part, I am thrilled to share who I am with the world.
But then there are times when I’m not feeling particularly inspired, I get up in the morning, go to my favorite cafe for my coffee, I write in my journal, I listen to my music on my iPhone, and I really and truly enjoy that part of my day. It’s almost as if that’s the highlight of my day sometimes. Because often, afterwords, I’m feeling a little lost, feeling like I don’t particularly want to do anything with the rest of my day. Oh sure I can do all kinds of chores.. I could visit people, make phone calls, but to be honest, these days I don’t have much of a desire to do any of that…especially cleaning (As my car and my apartment can attest to)
I’ve also been feeling extremely tired for quite a while on and off. Now that could be part of the Ascension process as well, and has also been designed by me to force me to just slow down, rest and allow this process to happen. Because let’s face it, it’s all too easy to keep busy running around getting distracted here and there in other people’s lives especially. Over the past few years, I really let go of many relationships with friends and family. I had been feeling guilty about this for quite a while. Thinking, here I am, just being in my own world, when my family and friends ‘need’ me. There were times when I didn’t even attend funerals of family members. Oh the guilt and shame!
But now I understand that it was necessary. That often, letting things go is part of this process. I really and truly wanted to spend time with myself in a real devoted way. This is the way I have chosen. Not just now and then, or an afternoon here and there with myself. For me it had to be much more of a commitment. In the past, I had quite a challenge setting boundaries with others. I found myself in relationships in which I was giving and I felt drained. I did not know sometimes where they ended and I began. (Being an empath, lightworker, and a woman; we’ve got a triple whammy of sorts) . But not to lament my past, no. I would not change anything I have done. Including letting go of relationships and situations that no longer fit me… that no longer gave me joy. It took a lot of courage and fortitude to do that. It also helped that I was not feeling well and I was very exhausted. because it gave me that ‘excuse’ to just slow down, disconnect from others, and nurture myself. Well, whatever it takes.
BACK TO THE QUESTION
So we’re back to the question, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE HERE? Well that’s a very personal question. No one could possibly answer that for you. And if that question does come up, and you’re wondering. Take some time for yourself. You may not have the answer right away. That’s okay too. Just relax as much as you can. Ask yourself WHY do you want to be here if you do. It doesn’t have to be for ALTRUISTIC reasons. It doesn’t mean you have to be here to save the whales, feed the hungry, resolve issues with your family, write the Great American novel, any of that. No… don’t mistake that for your raison d’être. Like we said before, who you are is changing. Can you be a little more patient with yourself?
I am now allowing myself to be in the void, where things are more quiet, so that I can just be with myself. And when I’m there,I’m also allowing myself some time to have fun. In fact it should all be fun eventually. This is not about struggle. I find myself getting a little caught up in the old struggle. I’ll admit it’s very seductive. Sometimes I think when I’m filled with angst, when I’m feeling hopeless, when I’m feeling depressed, it’s a little bit of a trick I’m playing on myself. In other words if I’m feeling passionless, maybe I need to conjure up some drama in order to feel alive. (drama can be a solo gig, not even involving anyone else). Just watch that one, because sometimes that’s happening too.
Sometimes we think we need a little drama in our life because this part of the process can be kind of boring. Yes some parts of this Ascension process are actually boring. Especially when we’re integrating. In other words, we let go of a lot of people, situations and drama. So we’re almost feeling like, well what’s the point of being here. We’re used to drama… we’re used to challenges. Not that we still don’t have some, but we are gearing ourselves up for a brand new way of being. We are preparing ourselves for a whole new shift of consciousness.
So anyone out there with that question in your heart: you’ve hung in this long, my friend. And, remember, you’ve gone through lifetimes and lifetimes of spiritual journeying and searching. Now, in this final lifetime… perhaps for many of us it will be the final lifetime, but…THE JOURNEY IS OVER. You now ARE enlightened! You’re just not owning it! So why would you want to throw in the towel just yet??
Besides, I sense we are going to be walking the planet as the embodied masters that we truly are, which means we’re now here for the fun of it, just because we want to enjoy life: no more lessons, no more trying to heal others or ourselves. So, it’s a whole new game, or rather, game is over in the way we knew it to be. Remember too that the few ascended masters of the past, once they became enlightened, didn’t stick around much longer here on the planet…they found the energies too difficult. But it’s a different time now, more people are awakening to their god-selves, so we have so much more support.
Hang in there just a little longer then, and your passions will kick in but in the way that you did not expect… in the way you never expected. Wouldn’t it be much better to leave this earth in a place of feeling whole, complete and sovereign, rather than a place of hopelessness and defeat? Well in either case, take a few deep breaths. In fact breathe as much as you can as often as you can, deeply, consciously. In other words breathe in life. Don’t let those aspects, don’t let other people, or situations be an excuse for you not feeling the joy that is you. Okay you can feel the sorrow and the sadness and the anger. But then say to yourself, ” I want to feel good. I want to feel joyful. I deserve it!!! I don’t care what it takes, but dammit, I’m going to feel my joy. Then relax, have some chocolate, watch a funny TV show, go to sleep. And then watch the magic happen. Believe me when I say, if you’re still here and if you are reading this you’re in the vanguard: you are on the cutting edge of the New Energy, you are New Consciousness pioneers. You are a teacher to the core of your being…You came here for your enlightenment. You said, “I’m going to become enlightened in this lifetime no matter what it takes!” I know that’s why I’m here and I suspect that’s why you’re here too.
Go well my friends.