Several years ago I found myself deeply involved with a man, and it was one of those tumultuous, emotionally abusive type relationships. It was a kind of love-hate dynamic that went on between us, and It was difficult extricating myself from it. I tried several times, to no avail. There were some financial but mostly emotional issues involved. At the time I couldn’t see the bigger picture, all I could see was the drama.
When I finally had enough, I extricated myself and shortly thereafter he passed away. I was devastated and heartbroken, but a part of me was relieved. I thought now I can move on with my life. And I did. It took a lot out of me and it took a lot of grieving, and even physical illness, but I began to heal and move on. I began to realize that he was just a mirror for where I was at vibrationally. At the time I had come out of a divorce, lost my job and my confidence level was fairly low. I was still kind of stumbling around trying to find myself. He came along and seemed to provide a solution to those issues. He provided a kind of financial support, and family for me. There were wonderful moments. There were tumultuous moments. Lots of high drama.
Now several years later, I’ve gone through a couple of other relationships. Along the way, I’ve learned more and more about myself. I’ve learned how I was repeating patterns, where I am putting my energies, and what my beliefs are in relation to myself. Because these people in our lives are merely mirrors for our own issues. I also learned that the physical releasing of a relationship isn’t really the first step. It’s the emotional releasing, and it’s actually not projecting anymore onto them but taking responsibility for ourselves. It’s cutting the emotional ties, releasing the patterns, releasing that karmic bond. And most importantly, focusing on what we do want, not what we don’t want.
Many of us now are finding ourselves detaching emotionally and physically from those in our lives that we were once perhaps much more involved with. It may appear to them and even to ourselves that we are being cold. Perhaps indifferent. Well it may appear that way, because there was a dynamic that both people were used to. In which both people were enmeshed. And remember, they are also creating their reality. They are needing the separation too, even if they deny it and want to play ‘victim.’
This feeling of detachment is a natural process of our ascension. It’s actually more of a coming back to ourselves. As empaths, we tend to go out of our body in order to connect with other people in our lives. And when we do, we tend to lose our selves, our perspective, and take on the other’s feelings and desires…sometimes to the extent of becoming deeply involved with them, even marrying them.
What I find in my own life is that I am slowly detaching from those people I may once had been more involved with. Sometimes it is because I feel I have not much in common with them anymore. Sometimes it is because It felt unbalanced. It felt as if we were looking outside ourselves and toward each other for validation, approval or love.
So as I disconnect slowly from the old patterns in my relationships, sometimes those people will leave my life, sometimes they will shift in their vibration so that we both can come from a place of wholeness and completeness. Either way, the most important relationship is the relationship with myself.
Throughout all of these relationships I have come to understand That I am the most important person in my life. Yes that sounds selfish, but until I learned to love myself, I was not of that much value to anyone else. If I didn’t love myself and honor myself first, there was just a feeding going on between me and everyone else in my life.
So here I am at this point in my enlightenment, single, really not having a partner in life per se, and I have never been happier. I am my own ‘man.’ I am enjoying my solitude. I am enjoying my sovereignty, and I am enjoying being my own best friend.
Oh I have times of loneliness, fear, and sadness. Yes of course. But for the most part, I have never felt more free and happier. Not that we can’t feel free in a partnership, but the partnership needs to be between two balanced people. No feeding. No manipulation, no conditional love.
Those relationships are few and far between in this world. But they are the relationship of the new consciousness. It’s a connection of two people to each other, in which both are independent and sovereign. They come together to share who they are and enjoy life together. They are not looking to the other to fill a void. They are not looking to the other to make up for something that they themselves feel that they cannot give themselves. But in order to reach that point of feeling that independence with oneself, one has to have space in their life. They almost have to be without a partnership for a while, to learn to depend on self, to learn to delve deeply within self, and see their own independence, and their own wisdom. to see themselves as the source of their own joy. Not an easy task, but one well worth the effort.
One may even discover that they don’t necessarily need or want a relationship outside themselves. At this point in my journey, I feel that. I feel no real need to look outside myself to fill a void within my life. I have some nice wonderful people in my life, but essentially I walk this path alone. And I love it.
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
As I said before, people in our life are mirrors for our own issues and beliefs. They mirror back to us what we may not be looking at in ourselves. For example perhaps someone in your life Is angry quite often. Is there anger within yourself that you’re not looking at? Or, do you feel you deserve to be treated less than respectfully? Only you have the answer. Another example: if someone appears extremely needy and extremely dependent upon you and your life, what do they mirror back to you? Have you been playing a role In which you believe that you need to be needed in order to be loved? As much as it’s frustrating for you, perhaps there is a part of you that believes that you have to play this dynamic. It serves a purpose. Maybe it’s a distraction for you to slow down your ascension. Or they may represent an aspect of yourself that is needy and wants your attention. Only you know.
However, in the new consciousness, we are letting go of this mirroring. We are now taking full responsibility for our own issues. We no longer need to project these issues outside ourselves, to find ourselves through other people.
What could be more exciting and wonderful, but to begin this journey of being that sovereign, independent. enlightened being we came here to be? What could be more rewarding than finding everything you need within yourself? How wonderful it is to be at that point where you no longer feel dependent on anyone or anything outside yourself in that same way? No it’s not a perfect package. But you will find more and more, that you become your own best friend. You become your own support. You are there for you. It is the most wonderful place to be. And then from that place you will attract energies and people who will mirror that back to you. Know there might not be a crowd there, but crowds are highly overrated.
You will find that simplicity is the way of the new consciousness. To simplify one’s life, to pare life down to being that joyful, sovereign, self-sufficient being of light and love. Being human of course is important. We are human as well as Divine. We are not here to be some perfected being. An embodied master is also a human being. The only difference is they carry their spirit very consciously within themselves.
Relationships are the hardest hit in the new energy. They can be so rewarding and enriching. Begin with the relationship with yourself, nurturing and caring for yourself and that will naturally enrich every relationship in your life.
Go well my friend
Enjoy my latest music video, ‘With My Soul.’