Soulsoothinsounds's Blog

For those awakening divine humans

Women And Anger


A woman I know, a dear friend of mine, was upset because she didn’t like herself when she allowed herself to get angry at her mate, who enjoyed pushing her buttons regularly.  She said that wasn’t her, that person who ended up yelling and saying things she was later ashamed of.

Having been in one or two relationships like hers, I knew how she felt.  It seemed the other brought the worst out in me too much of the time.  I consider my friend a very enlightened person, filled with wisdom, but here she was, seemingly a victim of this controlling relationship.  Like so many of us, she was repressing so much old anger that it needed expression.  And it was repressed in the first place because of a belief that it was wrong to be angry.  So many of her relationships with men were similar, lots of anger and drama.

But what if that anger is a message from her self that this situation isn’t right?  And that she shouldn’t be putting up with it.  The anger could be a message that she is not paying attention to her own needs, and that she is devaluing her own self, and he is a reflection of that low self-worth.

So the anger serves a wonderful purpose.  It’s not about pointing fingers, but it is about acknowledging that something is unbalanced.  But because of her guilt around being angry she denies herself the opportunity and the clarity to choose a better situation for herself.  And, if we take it even further, she, like so many, are afraid of being on her own in life, of depending upon herself.

Her story is the story of so many, especially women.  For a woman to not be seen as sweet and gentle and agreeable is unsettling.  But the times are changing.  Now we are being asked to release the guilt around not being ‘perfect’.  As men and as women.   With the new energy we are being given the opportunity to be our authentic selves.  To allow all of our feelings motion.

We can no longer disrespect ourselves.  We want to feel balanced, and, actually, we are.  But because of old, limited beliefs around how a woman is supposed to act and feel, we have limited ourselves.  So I told my friend who was upset about her anger that the anger WAS the real her!  That in this case the sweet, accommodating person she was trying to be wasn’t truly her and didn’t have her best interest at heart.  She confided in me that she felt like two different people.  One who tried to be what she thought a man expected of her, and the other who she saw as a raving mad woman!   When she was in her nice, accommodating state, and we talked on the phone, I really couldn’t connect with her, she seemed out of her body.  Disconnected from herself.   I heard her saying things like, ‘relationships are hard work’ and other statements like ‘spiritually, I still need to be here.’  All indications that there was denial.

To me, the real Denise, my friend, was the Denise who was pissed.  The Denise who wasn’t willing to compromise herself anymore.  Even if it meant she would be seen as selfish.  As unloving.  ‘I can’t leave him being angry because anger is the glue that keeps people together.So I’ll just end up back with him or someone else like him’.  Well, yes, that’s true, but sometimes we need fuel to make a change.  And that fuel sometimes is anger.  Sometimes we simply can’t work through our issues within the relationship, because we just keep pushing each other’s buttons.

So it’s not the anger that is bad, it’s our judgment of it.  We could spend years analyzing where it came from, and is it ours, are we just processing someone else’s, and a myriad of other distractions.  The bottom line is are we going to allow our true selves to surface and then make choices based on that self?  Even if it means appearing selfish.   Because what stops us from moving into our joy is our self judgment, every time!  Others are just a reflection of that self judgment.

It’s not about being perfect at all this.  There is no perfect anyway.  But the times and the energies have never been more ripe for the release of the self judgment and the embracing of all of our emotions, especially of anger.  And an interesting thing happens, when we accept all of our emotions, not seeing them as an indication that there is something wrong with ourselves, is they quickly transmute into more peace and joy.

A Word About Drama

If we don’t allow ourselves to feel, we often create drama.  Drama is more a mental game than being our true selves.  Many of us were brought up in families in which there was plenty of drama, so we thought love equalled fighting.  So the back and forth of sweet and angry toward a mate could be a cycle of drama in order to feel alive and loved.  The cycle can be broken with awareness.  And in the new energy, this way of relating is not going to work.

Many women have put themselves in situations in order to clear old family patterns.  As they awaken themselves and become their authentic selves, they heal their ancestry and pave the way for those who follow.  So honoring the anger as a gift and a vehicle for transmuting self loathing into self-love is important.   The ability to create our desires comes from being clear on what we do desire, and not focusing on what we don’t want, but getting there sometimes requires acknowledging all our emotions, even the unsettling ones like anger. If we repress that emotion, or project it onto others, we remain stuck in situations that do not nurture our true selves, our soul.

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Eight years later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

9 thoughts on “Women And Anger

  1. Maria, you are a bloody genius. I absolutely love every one of your posts! 🙂

  2. Yay. I am glad that material like this finds its way to me just when I need it. I literally googled anger and ascension and your Facebook post on that popped up. Rang so true. I’m really trying to find a balance between ‘transmuting’ (feeling and healing and releasing the emotion) and directing action from it. I find I come up against this a lot, and am happy in one way that I’ve moved from feeling primarily guilty, shameful, etc when conflicts arise to now being able to access anger when I am unhappy with something someone has done. When you talk about Denise I can relate – it’s kind of an all or nothing picture! I think, as I get more integrated, things will settle and it will be easier perhaps to channel anger appropriately…In the meantime, any tips??

    • Naina, well it sounds like you have a lot of real wisdom and awareness around the topic of anger in your own experience. Congratulate yourself because that is a big leap for a woman especially.

      In my personal experience within certain relationships, I always ended up getting angry, furious even, because that was the dynamic of that particular relationship. Even if I got away and calmed myself and rebalanced myself, when I got together again with that person, it would be a matter of time before the drama ensued. I discovered that without the drama, there really wasn’t much there between us other than old karma. I reached a place where I had enough and over time released the relationship.

      Then I was faced with all the feelings that the relationship distracted me from…loneliness, boredom, sadness….and eventually moved through much of that and have never attracted that type of emotionally consuming relationship again.

      I will add too that it goes beyond being a personal issue to being a galactic one. Have you read the post, ‘He said, She said’? But really, part of the ascension process is allowing all of the emotions without judgement, which you are doing. Because our soul doesn’t judge us at all.

      Again, kudos for your choice to be a free and sovereign woman!

      • Wow, thanks for the super speedy and insightful response! Yea, sometimes I write my thoughts down and it’s like, oh. This makes sense. You know when you’re stuck in your head and identifying with your feelings, you don’t really see your progress – it’s just all falling apart but you come away and you realise, yes I have learned something!

        I totally see what you mean regarding working out old karma. I have found a few relationships (in general, friendships too) have kind of fallen away. But it was massively difficult, because I felt abandoned! Which is one of my major trigger points. I’d agree that you then need to face your feelings that the relationship was shielding you from…but sometimes it’s really difficult! And I wonder what the distinction is between wallowing/getting stuck and actually releasing the old…I know in my clearest moments, all of the turmoil makes sense – you have to go through it to come out on the other side of course.

        My challenge with it right now – which I didn’t make clear, sorry – is dealing with skirmishes/conflicts/miscommunications and basically irritations that come up on a daily/weekly basis – whether that’s with my current thesis supervisor who I feel isn’t providing enough support, or a headhunter who was plain rude, to friends who don’t always treat you the way you would like etc etc…It’s perhaps new for me to feel angry at these things, rather than use my tried-and-tested, suck it up and comply tactic. I suppose the anger was directed inward, rather than outward so I used to have an uber critical voice kind of dogging my every step. But I sense that that is releasing as I also allow myself to have anger outwardly. Wow…again, writing that out kind of made it click into place.

        Having said that, I just don’t want to become a rage monster haha! I’ve found myself snapping at friends, having more conflicts with more of my friends and more frequently (not with those who I think have abandonment issues similar to mine) – it’s a hard pill to swallow but I do think the key is acceptance. I find it challenging in terms of dealing with people as I work through the emotion, I’d like to avoid ‘misdirecting’ it as you mentioned in your post…

        Thanks so much for your response, and apologies, this kind of turned into an essay haha

        • Relationships are a beautiful mirror for where we are at, how we are feeling about ourselves, where we are not respecting ourselves. As we move into more self love, which you are doing, which is done by allowing our soul to love us…those types of confrontations fall away gradually. You are right, acceptance is the key. Anger for many women is a new one, in terms of allowing it expression. and eventually not directing it at anyone but just finding safe and even creative ways to express it… I sometimes just scream and rant and rave when I’m alone… and sometimes express it in some drawing or painting. We are just where we need to be and try not to take any of it personally😊

          • Yes…when you said that I could see a handful of relationships where I see that I am playing small, or compromising on myself to make things work. It’s a delicate balance between asserting what you will tolerate and won’t (boundaries) and learning to process the energies out that are not to do with that person necessarily but just reside within yourself. I feel like I am getting closer, so that’s something. I might take your advice on the screaming/ranting!! It’s a tough one to do at home, but have contemplated going into a forest to do so 🙂 You are right that we are where we need to be – I find I am more self-punishing when I expect myself to have it all figured out, and it’s just not realistic! Plus, you tend to do better when you’re not expecting the world, just accepting and enjoying where you are…Thanks again for the words of encouragement. They really helped when I was in a funk 🙂

  3. And oh, just read he said, she said! Plus ‘your new vehicle’. I feel like finally someone is speaking my language…I was going to say, I feel like there are so many people on this path and tons of new bandwagons to jump on but it just doesn’t feel right. But we are so conditioned to think we need to do, act, be something out there to be valid – so sometimes there’s a slight twinge of, maybe I should join this course to get clear on my vision etc etc. When guidance/forward motion comes freely, effortlessly, when you’re receptive. And it takes you to where you need to be. Yay! I’m so glad your blog exists! 🙂

    • Naina,

      Again, you have such wisdom, and intuition and insights, and are/will be an amazing teacher for others going through what you have gone/are going through. I’m glad you found your way here…💜💙💛

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