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For those awakening divine humans

Rescue Mode Or Random Acts Of Kindness?

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Black Cat Cafe

Today at the cafe I noticed a table of men next to mine.  They were quite animated and enjoying themselves.  One of them spilled their coffee on the floor and was attempting to clean it up with some paper napkins.  At another table were two women also deep in conversation with each other.  But upon witnessing the event, one of the women seemed quite distracted and rushed over to the men’s table to see what was happening, then rushed over to the counter and asked the barista if they could give her a rag.  They said they would take care of it.  The woman then rushed back to the men’s table to tell them that the barista would clean it up.

Now these men were well into their 50’s and 60’s, and seemed more than capable of cleaning up the mess and asking for help if they needed to.  I thought it fascinating that the woman felt so compelled to rush to their assistance, as if they were little boys incapable of cleaning up after themselves.

Yet as women this is what we have been conditioned to do, to be the mothers and caretakers.  Emotionally and even physically.  Not that men are exempt from being the rescuers.  They also feel compelled to rescue women but perhaps in a different way.

One day I was pouring windshield washer fluid into my car’s receptacle, and a man got out of his car and approached me and asked if I needed help.  I politely said no, I have it under control, (I was parked in front of a busy cafe where I could at any point have gone in for assistance.)  He then said he was concerned that I was putting it into the wrong opening.  Well, at that point I could have responded in a less than polite way, but I took it with a laugh.   He then offered to lend me a funnel, which made the job easier, so I accepted.

Now please do not misunderstand me here.  I am all for random acts of kindness, and we all know what those are:  for example, I often pick up a neighbor who walks to the grocery store, when I see her, and she welcomes the lift.  She’s in her 80’s.  We all have let someone in line in front of us who has one or two items, while we had several, held the door open for others, and there are endless other types of assistance we offer others.  I would not want to live in a world where people did not extend themselves to others.

But if you read many of my posts here, you know by now that I like going deeper, beneath the surface of things to see what else is going on.  There is a difference between random acts of kindness and rescue mode.  Another that comes to mind is continuously lending someone money and they do not seem to ever get out of that pattern. That is called enabling.  I stopped doing that years ago.  And yet I still experience a twinge of guilt when I see that person continuing to struggle financially.

There’s another type of pattern in which a well-meaning friend will ask if there is something wrong because they ‘sense’ it and want to help you.  You then begin to question yourself, saying, maybe there IS something I am not seeing.  So you let them come over and you get ‘into it’ and before you know it you are feeling weepy and maybe angry and you thank them profusely for ‘helping’ you to uncover the emotions.

Except that it never really helps in the long run, because at this stage of your enlightenment you are all too aware of those emotions and you have accepted them and are beginning to trust your expanded, eternal self more and more.  And you know that those feelings are often on the periphery but you are choosing to focus on them less and focus more on how you want to feel.

The same well-meaning friend offers advice and opinions when you didn’t really ask.  Another rescue type of behavior.  Personally I find it more and more annoying being the recipient of such opinions, and so now I am more vigilant in not offering them to others unless asked.  And in fact, that is what our eternal self does, it absolutely does not push itself on us but waits for us to invite it.  So it’s a strange place for our human self to be.  It almost doesn’t feel like love.  We are so used to intruding on or being intruded upon and without that dynamic it feels very odd.

Our human self is doing the best it can in all of this, and we needn’t expect it to transcend itself, because it is conditioned with all of these behaviors.  Those of us on the leading edge of this transformation are understanding this more and more, and are allowing our human self to just be what it is, and to stop trying to motivate it with all kinds of B.S.  And along with that, we are not so into allowing anyone else to try to ‘fix’ or ‘improve’ us.

The transformation is happening, but not by coercing our human self along with its mind into ‘changing.’  It changes by itself, by being O.K. with being human and that translates into self-love.  That love automatically invites our Divine Self to comes in and that transforms anything that no longer resonates with that love.

copyright © 2016, Maria Chambers, All rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others, post on your blog, your Facebook page, etc, but maintain this article’s integrity by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers at http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Six years later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

22 thoughts on “Rescue Mode Or Random Acts Of Kindness?

  1. ” There is a difference between random acts of kindness and rescue mode.”

    Yes, yes, yes!
    I so understand what you mean dear Maria.
    I love offering kindness, especially to elderly people, who seem to struggle with something, and they are usually very grateful (I adore old people). But I would not do what those women in the cafe did. And you are right, those women were probably conditioned to act exactly as they did. When there is sth. to clean up or do some other “women’s work” women will go out of their way to help, even though the other person is perfectly capable of handling the situation himself (it usually is men they are wanting to help with these kind of things).
    Or men trying to help me with technological stuff or similar. Maybe it’s well meant, but I can handle that myself and I would not hesitate to ask for help if I struggled, and to assume a woman isn’t capable of handling “men’s stuff” is just downright sexist.

    I have been raised like that as well, but I have always rebelled against it (of course lol). Why would I have to clean up the table along with my sisters and female cousins and my male cousins don’t, just because we are girls and they are boys? There is no bloody logic in it at all. Wouldn’t it make sense to teach all children regardless of their sex, to do housework, because sooner or later we’ll all live on our own and won’t be able to expect someone to clean up after us.

    I’m sure families these days tend to be more open minded about this, but I was shocked that my friend’s sister in law, who has 6 kids, 4 girls and 2 boys, only orders the girls to cook and clean up the table, clean the house etc., while the boys (old enough to do all that stuff) just sit and watch. It is also a cultural thing (they are Roma people, or Gypsies), but my friend is shocked that even though her sister and law was born and raised in Germany and had access to all the freedoms we as women have here, she decided to carry on her parents’ cultural, backwards traditions.
    It is so internalized I guess, that this woman doesn’t even realise she is doing something wrong (and yes, it is wrong in my opinion).

    I do have a feeling that these types of things are being addressed now in the world more and more and that this will lead to change in the long run.

    Again, a very interesting article Maria 🙂

    • Hello Kat
      Good to hear from you! Yes on the whole conditioned responses being downright annoying, especially now that we are so aware and awake. I recall for myself all the dinners over the decades at Greek relatives’ homes in which we, the women folk cleaned up the table and dishes while the men sat and chatted among themselves. My Greek cousin and I would have endless battles because he expected me to ‘fetch’ him things.
      Like you, I was more the rebellious type.😆

      And you’re right it is changing and it’s just about awareness. Those of us on the forefront of the new consciousness have a profound effect because we’re letting go of these deeply ingrained patterns! Or another way of saying it is we’re finally giving ourselves permission to be ourselves!

      Admittedly I’ve never been much of a cook or housekeeper. I usually wait untill I hear several crunching sounds under my feet before I vacuum. Or until enough cobwebs have formed making it look like I’m having a Halloween party! Many times i have hired a cleaning service. I’ve about reached that point today. I do have THE MAIDS on speed dial! 💕💕

  2. “Admittedly I’ve never been much of a cook or housekeeper. I usually wait untill I hear several crunching sounds under my feet before I vacuum. Or until enough cobwebs have formed making it look like I’m having a Halloween party! ”

    hahahaha I m not that much of a tidiness freak myself either. Interestingly I know several men who are extremely clean and tidy and hoover every day. Never in my life would I do that.
    I do love how the flat looks like when everything is cleaned up though.
    I guess it’s more a personality rather than a gender thing, like with everything really. It’s just society trying to put everyting into silly categories

  3. Kat, now….these men you speak of…. I have two questions:. 1. Are they available week days and 2. Do they do windows?

    • hahahaha Maria, 😀
      They are very good looking as well. Wouldn’t mind hiring them as as my cleaning team myself and of course refer them to you afterwards 😀

  4. Maria, such a breath of fresh air for me to read your posts like this each time. 💙

    sure i too think the genuine random acts of kindness that just authentically flow are nice… i was raised in the south so i tend to have the habit of being “well-mannered” haha… i’m very yes ma’am, please, thank you, so i do things like open doors for people, etc. but that stuff flows out with ease and just feels good to me, not anything i do as if i’m catering to others.

    but when it comes to the “catering” sort of rescue energy, yes, it’s so soooo codependent and unbalanced. i’ve almost always “rescued” out of codependence, and usually in an attempt navigate or cater to someone’s abusive energy towards me. i’ve think i could speak it that i’ve attempted to “rescue” the monsters in my life so they wouldn’t be monsters anymore :\. painfully destructive pattern i’ve finally been breaking free of the past few years.

    and yes! i love that you captured the other type of “helping” energy. perfectly how you speak in that it’s intrusive! with “service” energy, more often than not the intentions are selfish more than selfless. if you pay attention, most people “help” or “rescue” others for the result it brings to themselves… it’s exhausting to me how much “helping” energy is really someone attempting to gain control, to invade, to manipulate, to create a debt back to them… the people in my life who “rescued” me, were doing it with the intent of putting themselves in a place of power over me and having closer access to manipulate me.

    and of course the way people “help” in the intent to create a perception of themselves as “good” because they “serve”. like religious evangelism is seen as this honorable thing, when really it’s all kinds of arrogant and self serving.

    and yes good gracious on the gender role playing with it all 😦 i’ve struggled with people in my life trying to force me into that stuff because my energy has always been quite extreme to the girly feminine side, but for me that means that i just love being girly, and i love things like beauty, and romance, and poetry, and dancing, and the color pink lol… but that extremely feminine energy can so often be taken as an invitation to try to force caretaker, mothering, domestic, or any other “woman’s role in society” type of energy on me, when i have noooo kinda want for any of that stuff.

    just so so happy i’ve wandered my way here. in all my searches for a spiritual path that speaks to me, this stuff with energy balance has unfolded as one of the biggest parts of it all for me! so few people seem to feel the importance in it that is shared here. just so grateful to be here 💙💙💙

    • sweet pea…

      my goodness you speak for so many and helps remind us that it’s certainly not a personal issue. It’s GALACTIC. goes way back to the ORIGINAL separation of the male and female energies! And this rescue energy as you say,

      “if you pay attention, most people “help” or “rescue” others for the result it brings to themselves… it’s exhausting to me how much “helping” energy is really someone attempting to gain control, to invade, to manipulate, to create a debt back to them… ”

      And your enjoying your sensuality and your femininity. Thanks for sharing that. And yes, as you say,

      “but that extremely feminine energy can so often be taken as an invitation to try to force caretaker, mothering, domestic, or any other “woman’s role in society” type of energy on me, when i have noooo kinda want for any of that stuff.”

      And has been misunderstood to mean we want to have sex. (Well yes, o.k maybe sometimes we did) but all too often our sensuality was taken for an open invitation for sex or a friendship we had no interest in.

      And the “Rescue” energy we do toward men who we felt would be abusive, absolutely a part of this pattern we are releasing.

      Thank goddess it’s all changing now. Whew, don’t think I could have done THAT one other lifetime!! You’re right – it IS exhausting!! 💕

      • goodness yessss Maria… my desire to be and feel beautiful within myself is in no way a desire for anyone else to see me as something sexual for them…it’s nothin’ to do with YOU at all, lol, it’s just how i want to be and feel in my space for myself :\.

        our society raises girls to seek acceptance from men by taking on a predefined version of femininity that’s a presentation for men… whether it’s as a sex object or as a serving wife or a “guy’s girl”, and of course “feminist” is the role you’re lumped into if you resist the other roles lol… all are just different stereotypes of femininity, but all with the purpose of being a certain way “for men”. none of those roles speak to me as what my own femininity is, nope not even “feminist”, and yes i think more and more women are feeling that freedom to define their own version of femininity within themselves. 💙

        my femininity is only about me, and for me, and anyone else’s idea of femininity isn’t my burden to carry 💙💙💙

      • Very well expressed, sweet pea. And yes, ‘feminism’ with all it’s advances for women, is still defined more or less as a women being able to do what a man does, but there’s little room for her to express her femininity or her sensuality for just herself. And to use her innate intuition and allowing and receiving to create with in her life, rather than using force and power and competition which is just being trapped in a man’s world.

        It all boils down to, are we done with not feeling safe to be ourselves in this world? Are we through with carrying the emotional wounds of our fellow humans?

        It’s definitely time to be the living role models of a woman who is true to her own self. You say beautifully,

        “my femininity is only about me, and for me, and anyone else’s idea of femininity isn’t my burden to carry.”

      • yes Maria, totally agree… and yes ma’am, and a-men for this haha…

        “It all boils down to, are we done with not feeling safe to be ourselves in this world? Are we through with carrying the emotional wounds of our fellow humans?”

        💙💙💙

  5. ” And yes, ‘feminism’ with all it’s advances for women, is still defined more or less as a women being able to do what a man does, but there’s little room for her to express her femininity or her sensuality for just herself. ”

    I don’t understand feminism like that. But I guess that is the problem with the concept of feminism. Everyone defines it differently, and these days it is being used as a swear word (I especially hate when someone uses the word “feminazi”), but in reality (to me at least) feminism just wants to break the old, restrictive gender roles and enable people to live their true potential.
    It started out as a movement for the rights of women because women were and still are the suppressed sex. But in my opinion it moved from being a pure female based movement to a human based movement for the benefit for both sexes, because patriarchy hurts men as well (not as much as women, but it still does).

    • Yep Kat, very good points!!! The words get so infused with so called negative energies that their original meaning becomes lost! Like the word god. Or christ consciousness. Or spirituality. To just name a few. And absolutely men are suffering in their own prison as well. But yes it is changing and men are allowing themselves to be more intuitive and express their feminine aspects. Their hearts are opening. And of course it’s what this whole transformation is about, the integration of the male and female within each of us. Along with our human and divine. To create the balance that is needed on the planet.💕🙌

    • Kat, i think the purpose you describe for feminism is beautiful, and yes i passionately agree any kinda patriarchy or misogyny hurts us all. but for me what Maria describes is in the way feminism goes about trying to get there is where things don’t feel right. rather than recognizing the equal worth of feminine energy and rising with that energy up into balance, feminism tends to be about women taking on masculine energy. so in sense, it devalues feminine energy still because it’s saying “i need to be more masculine to be equal”. i feel a desire in me to balance with the masculine by celebrating the worth of my femininity, not by having to be more masculine if that makes sense? also i think the energy of “fighting against an oppressor” rather than going towards the beauty of our own energy keeps the feminine in the role of victim. kinda keeps us goin’ round circles with old energy:\

      • I understand what you are saying.
        The thing is, there are different waves of feminism and many different definitions and many different feminist activist who have different opinions and ways to go about that stuff.
        I follow the most renowned feminist here in Germany and I admire her for her stamina and determination for her fight for women’s rights.
        I do not agree with everything she says, but I never had the impression that she downplays feminie energy. She grew up in a household where the man was the softer and the woman was the head of the house. The woman was the more intellectual and rational one. So she knew from childhood, that people can be either way and that gender roles only limit people’s potential.
        She fights for a change of culture in companies and big corporations (and society in general), because the problem lies first in people’s head. In the heads of those in power to be precise.
        I can give you an example that my sister told me. She works in HR development and she takes part in meetings where decision-makers (alsmost 100% are men) decide who to promote.
        She says that it happened so many times that a woman, who would be perfect for that new position (which was said by those decision-makers as well) was discarded, because she had children. And I m not even talking about newborns. Instead a man, who was less fit for that position got the job, even though he had children as well but “the wife will take care won’t she”. And that is what annoys me. People automatically assume that it’s a woman’s job to care for the children first and foremost.
        But what if she wants to pursue higher goals in her career and her husband is the one primarily responsible for the child’s well-being at home? Why is it accepted that a man can have a good career and a family who has his back, but a woman can’t?
        So it is not about suppressing feminine energy, but giving people equal opportunities.
        What about those men, who have no interest in becoming the CEO of a company and instead want to play the role of a house husband and stay at home with the kids?
        These men are looked down upon and called sissies.
        Changing that thinking in people’s minds and creating a world where people can go after what they want to regardless of their gender and without being labelled a sissy or a bad mother (because she doesn’t stay at home) is what feminism is about (the way I take it).
        And that atmosphere would allow people to embrace both their masculine and feminine energies within, because we all have both inside of us.

  6. Oh, and if women want to stay at home and live a traditional gender role then be it. Nothing against hat.

  7. hey Kat, yes totally understand feel all of that. all of the limitations are so so exhausting 😦 i do have so much gratitude for the women and men who have created change through feminism. the goals of feminism are perfectly what my heart wants but the way it’s gone about isn’t right for my own path. i think it makes sense to say that we all have different callings with the balancing of the energies. many are called to shift things through confronting the imbalances. and yes its so so needed. where it just isn’t the right path for me is captured in something you say…

    “Changing that thinking in people’s minds”

    so the process of trying to create change by battling with lower masculine energy…trying to get those still holding lower masculine energy to see the wrong in it and ask them to evolve past it. i just no longer have any tolerance to engage with lower masculine energy at all, so for me i feel the path is to put down any battle with any lower energy and just go towards my own divine feminine energy, and divine masculine energy will naturally magnetize to that divine feminine within me, and balance will naturally unfold. so it’s not about battling against what others need to change, it’s about seeking the wholeness within me.

    it goes back to that we all have different callings with balancing the energies. i think my own path with it all is just very internal. and those different callings in each of us is beautiful and perfectly how it’s meant to be 💜

    • “so it’s not about battling against what others need to change, it’s about seeking the wholeness within me.”

      I do that as well actually. I am not a feminism activist at all, I just like to read what certain knowledgeable people (like the woman I mentioned in my previous comment) have to say about our gender roles in society and I like to watch whether and how these roles change. Like a long term social experiment. lol
      I also stopped debating with people who are extremely opposed to the goals of feminism, because, like you, I don’t want to engage with lower masculine energy, even though I do like a good debate; I love exchanging opinions and arguments. But sometimes the energies are just so draining and the debate goes nowhere, that I’d rather not even talk about these types of things with people who have that backwards attitude.

      • Kat yes this is perfectly what i’m expressing in a long round about way haha…

        “I also stopped debating with people who are extremely opposed to the goals of feminism, because, like you, I don’t want to engage with lower masculine energy…sometimes the energies are just so draining and the debate goes nowhere”

        when someone holds lower masculine energy beliefs in them and they don’t see value in the equality of the feminine, there isn’t really a reasonable or respectable conversation to have :\ you actually shared something with me here before in a perfect way to say it about how patriarchal men don’t care that there is an imbalance that hurts their soul because the imbalance benefits their ego self. so the barrier that the movement of feminism faces is that it’s asking for a soul level change from super ego driven people, and you often get pulled into ego driven energy if you engage in that battle with them. i’m grateful for the men and women who have the wear-with-all to take that path on cause again, that confrontation of the imbalances is needed, i just don’t have that calling in me :\ my heart is just so so ready for a world where the divine masculine and divine feminine rise up and unfold and the lower energies fall away.

  8. All of these words here in the post and comments are so brilliant and well expressed i cant think of a thing to add, except i kept thinking of Thoreau’s attitude about do-gooders…

    “If i knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, i should run for my life.”

    Love to you all–even though i cant think of words at the moment i am definitely here and savoring the conversation like a delicious treat!
    💕😊💕

  9. Hi – I stumbled on your blog a few weeks ago googling around on a particular ascension symptom I had been trying to understand better. After just one post I felt like your perspective resonated so well (hard to find!) so I’ve been going back and reading many of your archived posts. I started working with a medical intuitive back in January of this year and the past seven months have been a hugely transformative time. Your blog is now required reading for me – so thank you for sharing your perspective here! <3, Mercedes.

    • hi Mercedes, I’m really pleased you found my blog and that it resonates with you…and finding someone to work with on a physical level, it’s the best of all worlds!!! And welcome to a community of sovereign, courageous, loving and supportive souls!!💕💕

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