Today at the cafe I noticed a table of men next to mine. They were quite animated and enjoying themselves. One of them spilled their coffee on the floor and was attempting to clean it up with some paper napkins. At another table were two women also deep in conversation with each other. But upon witnessing the event, one of the women seemed quite distracted and rushed over to the men’s table to see what was happening, then rushed over to the counter and asked the barista if they could give her a rag. They said they would take care of it. The woman then rushed back to the men’s table to tell them that the barista would clean it up.
Now these men were well into their 50’s and 60’s, and seemed more than capable of cleaning up the mess and asking for help if they needed to. I thought it fascinating that the woman felt so compelled to rush to their assistance, as if they were little boys incapable of cleaning up after themselves.
Yet as women this is what we have been conditioned to do, to be the mothers and caretakers. Emotionally and even physically. Not that men are exempt from being the rescuers. They also feel compelled to rescue women but perhaps in a different way.
One day I was pouring windshield washer fluid into my car’s receptacle, and a man got out of his car and approached me and asked if I needed help. I politely said no, I have it under control, (I was parked in front of a busy cafe where I could at any point have gone in for assistance.) He then said he was concerned that I was putting it into the wrong opening. Well, at that point I could have responded in a less than polite way, but I took it with a laugh. He then offered to lend me a funnel, which made the job easier, so I accepted.
Now please do not misunderstand me here. I am all for random acts of kindness, and we all know what those are: for example, I often pick up a neighbor who walks to the grocery store, when I see her, and she welcomes the lift. She’s in her 80’s. We all have let someone in line in front of us who has one or two items, while we had several, held the door open for others, and there are endless other types of assistance we offer others. I would not want to live in a world where people did not extend themselves to others.
But if you read many of my posts here, you know by now that I like going deeper, beneath the surface of things to see what else is going on. There is a difference between random acts of kindness and rescue mode. Another that comes to mind is continuously lending someone money and they do not seem to ever get out of that pattern. That is called enabling. I stopped doing that years ago. And yet I still experience a twinge of guilt when I see that person continuing to struggle financially.
There’s another type of pattern in which a well-meaning friend will ask if there is something wrong because they ‘sense’ it and want to help you. You then begin to question yourself, saying, maybe there IS something I am not seeing. So you let them come over and you get ‘into it’ and before you know it you are feeling weepy and maybe angry and you thank them profusely for ‘helping’ you to uncover the emotions.
Except that it never really helps in the long run, because at this stage of your enlightenment you are all too aware of those emotions and you have accepted them and are beginning to trust your expanded, eternal self more and more. And you know that those feelings are often on the periphery but you are choosing to focus on them less and focus more on how you want to feel.
The same well-meaning friend offers advice and opinions when you didn’t really ask. Another rescue type of behavior. Personally I find it more and more annoying being the recipient of such opinions, and so now I am more vigilant in not offering them to others unless asked. And in fact, that is what our eternal self does, it absolutely does not push itself on us but waits for us to invite it. So it’s a strange place for our human self to be. It almost doesn’t feel like love. We are so used to intruding on or being intruded upon and without that dynamic it feels very odd.
Our human self is doing the best it can in all of this, and we needn’t expect it to transcend itself, because it is conditioned with all of these behaviors. Those of us on the leading edge of this transformation are understanding this more and more, and are allowing our human self to just be what it is, and to stop trying to motivate it with all kinds of B.S. And along with that, we are not so into allowing anyone else to try to ‘fix’ or ‘improve’ us.
The transformation is happening, but not by coercing our human self along with its mind into ‘changing.’ It changes by itself, by being O.K. with being human and that translates into self-love. That love automatically invites our Divine Self to comes in and that transforms anything that no longer resonates with that love.
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