For a while now I have been asking myself, do I really want to be here? Do I want to stay and realize my embodied enlightenment? Especially when things become really challenging physically. That seems to be my biggest issue.
Or so I thought.
I mean, it’s certainly a valid argument. I have some physical issues along with more and more sensitivities to my environment, and especially to the energies of other people.
Life doesn’t feel so joyful when we don’t always feel healthy and when we are dealing with so many sensitivities. We can try various products and modalities but the results are short-lived because it’s the underlying energies that need transmuting. And of course that is what’s happening now through ascension..
But there is more to this. It came to my attention that I didn’t really want to be here before the recalibration even began. Actually that’s partly what created much of my body’s imbalances to begin with. The lack of joy for life, tolerating conditions.
I notice that if I don’t want to be somewhere, everything becomes a hardship. I am constantly trying to control my environment in order to feel more comfortable physically and emotionally. Any changes feel disruptive and unsafe.
So I get mental. Trying to figure things out. And of course that’s a losing battle. As soon as I get one thing managed, something else comes up. It’s called LIFE!
It’s not neat. It’s certainly not always predictable. It’s filled with change. And of course that’s a good thing.
And of course I am speaking about my human self, not my I AM Presence.
It’s what I inherited, from my bloodline in particular – the women in my family history especially. And I know this is not a personal story, because most women (and many men) feel this to one degree or another. But most are not consciously aware of it.
Women (and men who embody more of the feminine attributes) have truly not felt safe being here. Being in a physical body on a planet that for the most part has disrespected the feminine energies. We have come back lifetime after lifetime, replaying over and over our galactic story with the male counterparts in our life.
Because we were disrespected for wanting to express our own sensuality and our joy for physical experience, we found a way to protect ourselves and feel safe. We ended up over-nurturing others. Downloading the pain, both physical and emotional of others, even of humanity.
So the nurturing isn’t what we think it is. It’s not about love and compassion so much as it’s about self-preservation.
Consequently, our bodies suffered. We forfeited our freedom. The freedom to just be ourselves. To express our sensuality and to feel the sweetness of life here. And not just reserved to only certain experiences but full-time!
As both men and women, at a very young age in this lifetime we put away our Christ Consciousness in order to feel safe. Our family and community were not prepared to deal with such a young person having the brilliant christ light shining through their little eyes.
Looking back I now understand why I often felt so alone, even when surrounded with people. Even in relationships and marriages. I had separated from the love of my life. And until I gradually began reuniting with her I found refuge in my art and later in my music and writing. I always kept a journal with me.
I’m feeling much more safe now being here. I’m feeling the pure joy of being in this body with my eternal self. Even with a body that is not yet recalibrated and dealing with environments that are not always nurturing or ideal.
And I know that the body and the environment eventually reflect those inner changes…
I have to remind myself, and all of us in the forefront of these changes in consciousness, that there’s no going backwards, that this is it. This is the last time we will have to go through this. Which is a great relief. But for me it’s also a little bittersweet.
So I am noticing that there is a dancing and melding going on between me and my soul. As my human self, Maria, I have been doing my best considering I had so much I inherited that I was playing out, and considering I walked through much of my life alone, without my beloved by my side. I have so much more compassion for myself. Not pity. Because it was my choice to put away my christ seed until the right timing. so I am developing compassion and deep honor for my journey.
And, as Maria’s Soul, I feel her compassion for herself and that allows me to come in even closer. I am right here always, I am not somewhere far away, but if Maria thinks I am, then that’s the game that is being played in that moment.
It seems that Maria is not enjoying that game any more. I do not enjoy it either. And even as Maria’s Soul, I was somewhat reluctant to dive back into her life because how many woman on the planet have there been that have truly embodied the christ consciousness?
But I am here, and I really never truly left her. But I love her, my aspect called Maria, so very much that I honored her choice to keep me away from what she felt was such a harsh environment. It fills me with so much joy that she now allows me to be with her on such a deep and intimate level.
Together we are rekindling her passion for life.
copyright (c) 2016 Maria Chambers, All rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others but maintain this article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link:. Maria Chambers at http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com