Happy Holidays! And, what I mean by that is I hope that you are doing everything within your power to make the Holidays happy for YOURSELF. Now, that could mean celebrating with friends and family. And it could also mean not celebrating with anyone that you really don’t want to celebrate with. It could also mean not celebrating at all if you don’t really feel like celebrating. There’s no right or wrong.
For myself, I have finally allowed myself, after so many decades of forced celebrating with friends and family, to just do whatever I feel like doing. This did not come easily. I had to literally get sick in the past to give myself permission to get out of doing things that I just did not want to do, including the holidays. I couldn’t see clearly that I had a choice. But, thankfully over time, and through this Awakening process, I now see that there is always a choice. Not that we become popular because of that choice. So be it. But what has happened in my case is over time, less and less invitations come to me because people are finally getting who I am. They may not like it. But that is not my problem.
I also found myself feeling blue often around the holidays. I am sure a lot of that was picking up on the consciousness of those who, especially around holidays are depressed. And a lot of that depression comes from feelings of being let down and lonely. The holidays have a built-in expectation of joy, coming together and celebrating with loved ones. And for those especially who have not found the love within themselves, it can be a very difficult time.
But I notice I have let go of much of that processing for others. I remember stepping into department stores and had to leave because the Christmas music was too much for me to bear. So interestingly, now that I have let myself off the hook at least relative to the holidays, I am enjoying these holidays more than I ever have. I am actually enjoying the Christmas lights, and even the music that gets piped out at stores and at Starbucks! I find myself singing to some of the most schmaltzy tunes and truly enjoying that experience! It’s no longer laced with guilt, obligation and sadness.
Now, having said that, if at any point I find myself drawn to wanting to spend time with someone on the holidays I absolutely will. I would not deprive myself of that experience if it brought me joy. But I no longer feel that I have to power through something that just doesn’t feel good. In fact the guilt is dissipating quite nicely. And I know I speak for many of us who are finally giving ourselves permission to choose for ourselves first.
Meanwhile, if you are still having trouble saying ‘no’ to what you really do not want to do, or ‘yes’ to what feels delightful, check this out…
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