Tonight I took my customary walk around my apartment complex. I really enjoy it, especially at night when I can hear crickets, and generally there are few people about. Tonight I was feeling especially detached. Not too much enthusiasm. In fact the last few weeks had been pretty low for me. There seemed to be a free-floating anxiety. There was a boredom, even a feeling of not really wanting to be here anymore.
I heard some people talking and the voice of a little girl. I turned around and there was a small girl, who couldn’t be more than six, laughing and walking toward me, her mother trailing close behind. She immediately asked my name. “Maria” I replied. “What’s your name?” “Jaida” she happily returned. We exchanged a few words, and I felt a bit uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to such exuberance from…well, anyone, really. Then I was caught by surprise as she ran up to me and gave me a hug. She of course came up to just above my knees in height, but that didn’t stop her from enjoying that moment profusely. She was beaming with delight.
As I turned to continue my walk, she continued laughing and watching me and waving. I waved back, and found myself saying, “Stay happy!”
As I continued my walk, I felt a clarity I had not felt before. In that moment I knew with certainty that this embodied enlightenment is not about becoming more refined spiritually, or even physically. It isn’t about discovering a new passion, a new career or creative expression. It’s most certainly not about helping others, although that’s definitely a by-product. No, it’s absolutely about having what that little girl has. I knew in that moment that what she had, what she was feeling, that unbridled joy, just for being here, that’s what it’s about. That’s what it was always about.
If you choose to stick around and go through your embodied enlightenment, I believe you will experience more and more of this unbridled joy. Then what you choose to do with it is entirely up to you. Only you know what would feel perfect for you. Even if it’s simply living life, doing what you are doing right now. But doing it from a really lit-up place.
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This soul took you by surprise but the hug she gave you was a pure and simple delight of being alive. Great post.
Ahhh..nicely said…thank you!!!
Reblogged this on elizabethsadhu and commented:
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
Oh yes!
love you,
Elizabeth
Warrior Goddess of Joy
Angelic Ambassador of Joy
xoxoxoxoxoxox
PS. Loving your song…..”everybody has to be their own best friend……la la la…..”
Thank you dear sistar goddess…and yes, that song is nice and simple, and it felt relevant. And THANK YOU for reblogging on elizabethsadhu.
❤ 🙂 <3…..this was very touching. and I have been feeling a lot like you! My emotions have been on high, puddling up at the drop of a hat! I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and while in the waiting room I was speaking to the receptionist, she is a sweet 29 year "old soul", anyway as I was telling her how I had been feeling, I just had a complete and utter melt down, she looked at me and said, DO YOU NEED A HUG? Of course before I could answer she had left her post and come around to where I was to give me a HUG!!
This ASCENSION (if I may use the words of another from this morning) IS A SHIT STORM….gee whiz already, RIGHT!!??
Thank you for sharing, and allowing me to share/VENT a tad "My Maria", I love saying "my" as it reminds me of a song from 1973 by B.J. Stevenson (I just looked that up 😉 )
SENDING YOU SO MUCH LOVE, AND A BIG GIGANTIC HUG!!!
❤ Annette
AWWWW, My Annette….I so love your story. It really is amazing how potent a simple heart felt hug is. Interestingly a similar scenario happened to me a few years ago when I lost someone in my life. His death was the beginning of a huge purging for me…I had to withdraw from my community and friends and family and just rest…and I had some concerning symptoms…coughing all the time. So I went to a neighborhood clinic, I was talking to the nurse, and I began to just cry. She didn’t hesitate to give me a great big hug. it meant the world to me at that time.
And yes, this process can be brutal…positively the pits. As Ascended Master Adamus said, “An ascending Master is a pissed-off Master.”
I think I know the song you’re referring to…I’ll check it out!
Now, I’ll take that BIG GIGANTIC HUG…..mmmmmmmmm….noice!!!
“I knew in that moment that what she had, what she was feeling, that unbridled joy, just for being here, that’s what it’s about. That’s what it was always about.” BINGO. I have come to the same place and thus picked the word joy for 2017. Joy had been off my radar screen so long I no longer could remember the feeling tone of it until the November super-moon where, out of the blue, I felt euphoria! Holy cow was that a blast. Then quiet joy even though December was a bear. Since the first day of the year guiding a Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/147402522414837/?multi_permalinks=169582373530185%2C169577160197373%2C169471456874610¬if_t=group_activity¬if_id=1485300305010257) through a 32 day process focusing on joy and for the first time in eons actually feeling very quiet joy not infrequently. I notice my joy primarily comes from a sense of inner freedom NOT my circumstances which, in one major area, are less then favorable. I let go of the devastating belief last August that my nervous system was just too delicate for this earth and that one day it would all be too much for me here on this planet. The sense of freedom that arose from this has carried me through thick and thin. I too sense we will all feel more joy as this awakening unfolds. I call the group Joy Jumpers because that is the name of the game. Blessings to you dear one and a giant love wave with a super squeeze hug!
Yes, Savannah, you are so right!!! JOY is our new set point! We are learning that as the creator of our reality, we get to feel how we want to feel. Regardless of what’s happening in us or around us. That has been the biggest challenge. And having felt that joy, it’s damned hard to be in the place where we feel disconnected. It feels worse than EVER!!! Thank you for articulating it so well. That sense of freedom carrying you through thick and thin. It’s so easy to go to the feelings of things not working out, of feeling defeated at times. And thank you for the marvelous work that you do.
MMMMMMM…..that’s a nice super squeeze hug…Love to you 💕
Hells bells girl, don’t I know it: “And having felt that joy, it’s damned hard to be in the place where we feel disconnected. It feels worse than EVER!!! ”
Holy Spirit (ACIM) works through contrast. That drop from heaven to hell is worse then the most extreme roller coaster and makes us want to yell UNCLE! But you know you’ve come wayyyyyy toooooo farrrrrrrrr to throw in the towel now. Keep the faith sister. What was the big shift for me was reading that to move out of stage 5 to stage 6 delineated in ACIM, where many get waylaid for a long time, T R U S T is the answer. I decided a little over a year ago to hang on to trust come what may and somehow that has thrown me over the edge. I am baton passing trust on to you my dear friend. I recommend hanging on for dear life.
indeed Savannah…trust it is. And a good reserve of dark chocolate! Thank you. Love to you. 💕
There has definitely been a lot happening these last few weeks! I have felt very similar in wondering what the heck I am doing here, and if it has to be like this I would rather go home. I have found myself bawling eyes out, feeling disconnected and uncertain where this has all come from. I had felt such joy the last couple of weeks of the year and thought I was on to new feelings and beginnings. I am ready to connect to the joy again. I know it is there it just seems rather elusive right now. How special to have had a connection in such a pure way. Thanks for sharing ❤
Stephanie,
I don’t think any of us quite knew how difficult this was going to be, being the first to go through it. There are no guidelines. And even fewer living role-models. And once you have tasted this joy, as we have been, it feels twice as awful when we are disconnected. Joy is our new ‘set-point.’ you know, once you’ve had the finest wine, the cheap stuff just doesn’t cut it. And interestingly, as we become more integrated with our eternal self, aspects of this reality seems more and more harsh. We really become discerning. tonight I took my walk, and i felt my soul’s presence so strongly. It’s happening. We are integrating with ourself. But It’s new. This type of joy is so new to us. That magical child in us is right there wanting to hug us all the time. And there is nothing we have to do. Just keep allowing the process. Big hugs to you
Big hugs to you as well!! I am feeling like my process is saying that I have to move on from where I am currently at. In ways I feel ready to fly now matter what that looks like and in other ways I am completely paralyzed not wanting to have to take on this huge task. I feel like I am on the cusp of something new but cant take the steps needed to use my voice and make any movement. I could use some big hugs and lots of positive energy from a group that resonates so deeply with me. xoxxoxo
KNow what you mean, that joy train was so delicous and to have the rug pulled out some weeks ago after joy arising after sooooo longggg was too cruel. Now joy might seem a mirage in the desert but i say it’s there, perhaps just on the horizon.
Sending you a huge huge and love wave, make sure you are sitting down, don’t want to bowl you over Stephanie
Hi Maria!
I so needed this today! The last few weeks have been for me exactly as you describe–especially the “free floating” anxiety–that felt distinctly NOT MINE–but was agonizing and had my solar plexus tied up in jumbo tight knots anyway. Last night was the worst and i cried myself to sleep thinking if this is all there is why why WHY even be here, i begged whatever power might be listening to show me the way home. Things have to change if I’m gonna stay on this planet–i cant live on crumbs anymore!!! Its not worth it without ample resources and decent health for petessake!
Anyway today wasnt much better but i did get a real shock–a rather pleasant surprise. Last night was triggered by a particularly thoughtless, inconsiderate action on my mothers part that i have asked her repeatedly to refrain from because it is physically greatly harmful to me and made me very ill. Today she actually….. APOLOGIZED. This is a first and entirely unprecedented, a completely new twist, so im choosing to take it as a sign of better times.
This post and comments here also helped immeasurably as usual!
And i want in on the hugging action up in here–big bear hug from me too dear Maria!
💙💜💙
Ahhh dear Elila….this process can be so difficult, and requires so much devotion to ourselves, tending to our body, to self-nurtirance. So when others feed off of us, it really sets us back. I have the deepest compassion for you and know how hard it is at times especially when it comes to family. But it also blesses them and helps them to see you in a different light. To see you as more self-loving. I don’t know, in my own experience, sometimes it creates more drama in others at least initially, because they sense we are changing, and they don’t know how to relate to us like before. I don’t know if that is your experience or not. But now they have to play by our rules. Because our soul is not willing to compromise itself….it’s tricky to say the least. I’m so glad you weighed in…And MMMMMMM…..yes that big bear hug is just what the doctor ordered. Love to you.
Lol Maria yes it absolutely is my experience–she has no idea how to relate and is forever frustrated and furious that she no longer has any control when it comes to me (haha i just had an image in my head of me putting my thumbs in my ears and wiggling my hands while making a face and stickin tongue out like a defiant child LOL LOL). It feels so good to finally be standing up for myself this way! But man sister she has some ANTICS trying to pull me back down to her level LOL–but i have realized lately that it just makes me STRONGER, and the harder she tries to pull me in the further away i get!!!!! It must be maddening ….teehee 😆
With every bit of grief she gives me shes just polishing & honing my new self cherishing skills–thanks mom! 😊
You know i just had another thought–i was just saying over on your fifth wave post that there were no examples of strong self loving women around me when i was growing up, so its certainly must be safe to bet my mother had never seen such a unicorn in the majority of her lifetime. The ones she did notice she had an intensely negative reaction to, even rage towards. And now she has the example of me….and while her reaction to me is often just as disparaging, having it be her own daughter has got to be opening SOME dusty old heavily cobwebbed door in her being just a TEEEEEEENY bit perhaps…… A wee crack of light? who can tell what kinds of positive ripple effects we are having even in what we imagine to be unlikely places? Just by BEING an example of something ELSE, where we practice kindness and nurturing towards ourselves first ….
I often think of the example i want to set for my young niece–but now ive just had the radical seeming idea that possible im influencing my mother as well. Stranger things have happened! 😜
Absolutely, Elila, our moms had no real role models of an enlightened woman for sure!! And I agree, your own enlightenment, your devotion to being self-loving and sovereign can only benefit her and others around you. I believe they want us to do it even if on a personality level they resist. They want to feel free. They want some hope that it is possible. Because damn it women need to stop feeling and behaving the way they do!! Enough is Enough!! Your family is blessed for sure to have you here, and doing what you are doing…what very few women are doing. My own mom passed away many years ago, but I still have a relationship with her, in fact it’s much better now between us. And I know she is right beside me supporting me in this awakening, because she doesn’t want to come back here and go through what she had to go through yet again. We are truly setting free our entire family lineage as women. Even if we left the planet tomorrow, we will have done so much for helping to free women from the inside out. This I can say with certainty!!
Aaaaah Maria–i so agree!!! Women need to stop behaving and reacting & enduring abuse the way they do!! (Not to mention thwarting and disparaging each OTHER for heavens sake). Talking with you and the others here always gives my perspective the most pleasant adjustment and clarity. Thank you for this space from the deepest part of my heart 😊💜
And Stephanie–i feel you sister. Im sending love and hugs and the assurance that when the time is right, you WILL find your voice and your legs doing what you need them to do. Relax into that knowing –you will say what you need to say and do whatever needs to be done at the perfect moment for you. Its like sitting comfortably in an airport lounge waiting for a delayed flight–you can get all upset and stressed or you can read a book!
And also Maria,
Thank you for saying the words “your family is blessed to have you here….” –that helped so much to hear and made me realize more clearly that i am most definitely having positive effects. Everyone thinks im “doing nothing”—if they only knew!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, Elila, “if they only knew” indeed! I mean, even the ones who claim to be spiritual out there, they have not yet had an awakening. The are still in ‘honeymoon’ stage. And very few have the fortitude to go through it the way we are. Their time will come. And hopefully we have paved the way to make it a little easier for them. And thank YOU for sharing your light and wisdom and humor with this amazing community! 💚