The Barista

Photo by Maria Chambers

As many of you know, I love frequenting a local Starbucks for what I like to call my morning ritual.  Over time I found the one I like most.  As we know, all Starbucks are not created equal.  They may all look similar, but each one has its own energy signature.

The staff is friendly, and as I observe them over time, I notice they are a close-knit group and seem to enjoy working together.  Of course that trickles down to the customer.  We can sense those things and it can make for a much more welcoming experience.

I always say, one of the most important relationships in life is the one with your barista.

So one morning one of the young male baristas was pouring my dark roast.  He had been part of the staff there for awhile.  He was friendly, and seemed to enjoy working with the others.  We exchanged our usual pleasantries and he asked, “room for cream?” after which I proceeded to say, “Yes, ma’am!

As the two words cascaded from my lips it felt like I  just stepped in front of an oncoming bus and I couldn’t move out of its way.   As I walked to my seat I hoped it wasn’t audible, since I choked mid word, at “ma….”

But the exchange haunted me.  How could I have been so careless as to address him as a female?

I went over and over it in my mind.  Maybe he didn’t hear it.  Maybe he understands that it’s just an expression and not directed at him.  And this wasn’t the first time I had said ma’am to a man.  It happened from time to time.  One man in particular took visible offense so I was especially sensitive to the situation.

Now, there have been countless times over the years that I have addressed two or more women friends or associates as “You guys.”  Or have directed a “Yes sir” to other women in conversation.  Or  I would use a phrase such as, “brother, was I upset!” Or “oh man, that was some experience!”  as I was speaking to one or more females.  And as far as I can remember, there was no discomfort.  No one felt the least bit offended.

We don’t have to drill too deep to understand that ‘yes ma’am‘ said to a man would be an insult.  Sadly, we know that it stems from the belief that the female is somehow inferior to the male.  Why else would someone feel so uncomfortable or even offended by the reference?  Along with other so called insults like, “You throw like a girl,” “Don’t be a sissy,” “Don’t get your panties in a wad,” “You’re a douche”, “That’s so gay” and many other expressions that I wouldn’t put in print.

In fact, just saying “You’re such a girl” is enough to infuriate some men.

Sadly, in the past, I said of myself that I throw like a girl.  This is how insidious this virus is, that has both men and women accepting such references as ok, and even humorous.  And really, it’s not intended to highlight anything anyone has done wrong, but to simply bring more awareness to a situation that has gone on far too long.

And it’s not even about educating men about this behavior, but as a woman, it’s to recognize it in myself, when I am  carrying around an old concept of who a woman is.  Because it’s time for women to no longer internalize these beliefs.

And by the way, the particular barista I believed I had insulted is transgender.  He has elected to physically transition from his physical birth self as a female, to being male.  To look at him one would not be able to tell he was once a woman, since he has the typical male features and voice.  Yet, there is something…’s more a sense, perhaps a sensuality, than anything physical, that I like about him.  So even though he has chosen to now identify as a male, he still embodies the feminine aspect.  which includes insights and compassion, an intuitiveness, creativity and a deep understanding of the sacred heart (which is……a GOOD thing!!!!!)  And I simply recognized it in him, and expressed that recognition by using a feminine salutation of sorts.

Thankfully in my heart I know the truth, that the Divine Feminine is equal to the Divine Masculine, and it needs to reside in each male in a balanced way.  So really the ‘slip of the tongue’ was my acknowledgement that he has a favorable amount of the feminine within him.  Which is always one of the highest compliments someone can give to a man.

And frankly, I was a little embarrassed that I would have believed otherwise.

© Copyright 2017 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered (while omitting the images if you prefer) and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers,

Enjoy To Fall In Love Again from Simply DIvine






15 thoughts on “The Barista

  1. Reblogged this on elizabethsadhu and commented:
    Love your post! This topic is coming up all over fo rme and I am having several fabulous conversations around these topics. The first thing I thought of was this video. #likeagirl Have you seen it?

    Then I thought of this.

    Thanks for your beautiful and balanced and thought provoking blog posts. I love them!!!

    love you dear sistar goddess!!!!


    1. Beautiful Video dear siSTAR goddess….I WATCHED IT AND HOPE THERE ARE MANY, MANY MORE LIKE It.. Thank you for sharing!!!🌹💕💙💛😍

      And thank you for reblogging on elizabethsadhu 💕💕

  2. Kat

    Elizabeth, I was also thinking of this video when I read Maria’s article. Very powerful!

    Maria, that is exactly what I was talking about with my friend yesterday. So timely again 🙂
    And yes, the fact that men are offended when they are being addressed as something connecting to feminitiy is another symptom of misogyny. It is because patriarchy has this fixated roles of how a man should be and that he should be strong, which a woman -according to patriarchy – is not. Men might be physically stronger than women in many cases, but that doesn’t translate to a higher mental and emotional strength. I really wonder where this came from and why being male is valued higher even to this day. Is it really because of their physical superiority?

    1. Kat, the physical strength is part of it, but it stems from the galactic issue of the male energy feeling betrayed by the female. The original separation of the feminine and masculine in the other realms. The male felt abandoned by the female, wondered why she wasn’t there for him, wondered if it was because he was not worthy of her love, and then took his anger out on her. this was the wound that has been playing out since man has habitated the planet. The wound of Adam. And of course, the feminine is within him all along, but he needs to acknowledge her. I go more in depth on this topic in an earlier post, “He Said, She Said.”

      So it could be said that beneath the abuse and the misogyny is anger, and fear of being without the feminine. Is it not true that we can feel angry at someone we fear will abandon us, especially as children?

      And then of course there began the wound of Isis. The wound within women. So all of this is being resolved through those of us who chose this integration, as men and women. The divine masculine coming back into balance with the divine feminine.

      1. Kat

        “The original separation of the feminine and masculine in the other realms.”

        Interesting, I always thought that there was no separation in the other realm and that the Adam and Eve story played out on Earth. Thank you for telling me this. And I will reread your he said she said article now
        Much LOVE

      2. sweet pea

        hey Kat & Maria 😀

        yes Kat, me too! i had never heard of that outside of the story of of Adam & Eve until i read Maria’s “He Said, She Said” post. i looove that post 😍

        that was actually so helpful for me because i’ve been through so much with religion that i just can’t really even take anything in from the bible anymore :(, but the story of it taking place in other realms took it out of the context of the bible for me so i could appreciate it.

        also, the way it’s taught in the bible and the way it was used in my religious upbringing could basically be summed up as “eve sucks, she’s an evil manipulative heathen, she ruined everything, and that’s why men have every right to blame women for everything and treat them like dirt… cause it’s all their fault!” lol… sounds ridiculous, but genuinely how i grew up believing.

        the way Maria portrays it is not as Isis doing anything wrong, but instead as Adam being confused by fear and misunderstanding what was happening and allowing his own inner turmoil to blame her. when really, it was all an illusion of his own fear and imagined unworthiness, she’d never actually betrayed him. but once he was wrapped up in the fear, he took it out on her, and because she didn’t know why, she internalized it and developed her own sense of unworthiness from that.

        it says SO much about masculine/feminine dynamics, but i love looove so much that this story was different because it was all just fear. and i see it making sense that the healing comes from the masculine finally looking inside of himself, realizing it was all just fear, and finally being able to love himself from with and step into his own divinity. 💙 it just feels like it finally exposes that the root energy of misogyny is just an illusion and there is not need for it, and then frees the feminine from that codepenent role of catering to and trying to “fix” men, because she realizes it was never her burden in the first place 💙

        thank u for the reminder of that post Maria, i still love it 😍

        1. Yep sweet pea…the Adam and Eve story has been pretty much the go-to reference until the Adam and Isis one is understood. Isn’t it interesting how all the b.s. that goes on regarding the sexes, and well, regarding just about everything comes down to fear? We have all been operating on fear in the 3D world for so long, as both men and women. It’s why we who are going through this embodied enlightenment are the new leaders of change. We’re strong enough and capable enough as souls to take the bull by the horns and say, the buck stops here! At least in our life, to the degree that we can, we are choosing to embrace a new way.

          Yes, right, it does help to keep in mind the original galactic story, that it happened even before we came here to the planet, and it’s been why we have been acting the way we have for so very long. Amazing that we are the change-makers, creating new templates, as we go through this process.

      3. sweet pea

        yes Maria, it’s all just fear 💙 thank you for bringing that post back up, i love it 😍😍😍

        oh and p.s. the “yes ma’am” oops, is so not even a thing to worry for to me even on a surface level. being southern i’m used to saying “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” all day long in place of “yes please!” and “no way!” lol!

        no worries 😀

        1. Ha, that’s funny sweet pea, because while writing this post I was thinking of you and how you use that term often, as just a natural part of conversation. And so now, I’m going to use it more freely, with both men and women! Yes, ma’am! 💜

    1. Kat

      It bloody is Elizabeth ❤ 🙂

      And sweet pea,
      thank you so much for your post. I agree with it completely. I had to laugh when I read your interpretation of the Bible Adam and Eve story; my mum said something along those lines as well ("it was Eve's fault that we were kicked out of paradise"). Proper bullshit of course.
      I never understood why women should be feeling guilty just for being a woman. Doesn't make sense

  3. sweet pea

    hi Kat 🙂

    “…I never understood why women should be feeling guilty just for being a woman….”

    lol, the question of my life ❤

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