The Art of Embodied Enlightenment

Art by Maria Chambers

Today at Starbucks I was playing on my iPad Pro, creating a new image on one of my art apps.  A young man walked up to me enthusiastically with his iPad Pro in hand, and said he just got his a week ago.  You would think two army buddies had reunited after 30 years.   We were so excited to share how much fun we were  having with this device.

He showed me what he did using a rudimentary drawing app, and it had the capability to redraw the whole picture, going through each pen stroke that he made, and so it became a type of fun animation, showing a quick movie rendering to the viewer, which he could post on any social media or his website.

He went on to confide in me that he felt guilty because it felt like he was cheating.  Because like me, he was also a traditional artist who used pen, paint, paper, clay and canvas to create images.  I will say that there is something so visceral and sensual about art created from those forms, from the non digital forms.  And hopefully, artists will continue to create that way for a long time to come.

But that does not mean there can’t be other forms.  One of those being digital.

I can understand the feeling of guilt because of the ease of application and the sophistication of tools available.  but I assured him he was just as imaginative and creative, but now he was using different tools to express with.

Art by Maria Chambers

In fact I put away my paints and canvas.  I personally could never get to the depth of expression that is now possible using the various creative digital tools.  Not to mention the portability of the device.  And the ease and magnitude of sharing the art is amazing to me.  As an artist I can now leave my legacy in a much easier way than I could with other media.


What struck me was the feeling of guilt associated with ease.  Now with quite sophisticated technology, an artist doesn’t need to learn how to painstakingly paint or draw the human figure or a tree from scratch.  But rather than just copying an already created image, he can use pre-existing images and morph them and add other elements to them to create something original and dynamic.  And that’s where the creativity and imagination come in.

That is where the true artist is separated from those whose work is derivative.  She goes beyond what already exists and infuses it with her soul’s signature.

And that is what we are doing in our embodied enlightenment.  We are taking our human form, our human mind and personality, and infusing them with our soul’s presence in a way that has never been done before.

Our soul already knows how to do it.  Our soul and our light body are already whole and complete unto themselves.  So as we allow the integration, of soul, light body and human, a beautiful and unique being is born.

But our human self has a hard time allowing the soul to create our enlightenment for us.  Do we feel like maybe we are cheating unless we do it all by ourselves?  The old traditional way of building it from the bottom on up, brick by brick?

But our soul is who we are.  It’s not like some third-party is coming in and taking us over.


Digital technology is something we helped to create in order to be able to more easily share our unique brand of wisdom and creativity.

Art by Maria Chambers

I’m sure future generations will look back at our iPads and digital creative tools and laugh at how passé they have become.  But really, it’s not the tools that one uses, as we know, but how they are used.

The human body with all its complexity will eventually be replaced with a much more efficient one that represents and expresses the true soul’s nature.  That is what is happening through the light body process.  Albeit much more slowly than any of us are happy with.

It will be a body that doesn’t respond to old unhealthy emotional and physical inherited attributes.  It will respond to the consciousness of the soul, and of the I AM.

So the Art of Embodied Enlightenment is to allow who we are, as our soul, to breathe life into us, the human.  And then we as the human become infused with that dynamic expression.

It’s unfolding.  But it is in a way new technology…there is a learning curve.  And there is an art to allowing it.

© Copyright 2017 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers,

Enjoy my original song, I Believe In You along with my original artwork:

52 thoughts on “The Art of Embodied Enlightenment

  1. Lisa

    Timely insight for me to read, Maria! Wow. I, myself, am finding a new me starting to emerge, not because of anything I’m doing, but because of who I am being while doing what I am doing.

    I quit an insanely toxic job as an attorney last year expecting an “ascension graduation ceremony” to follow (cake and balloons too) and new “assignment” working papers to be handed to me by Archangels. It didn’t quite go that way. Instead, I plummeted into the mother of all identity crises and a capital “V” Void (where I still am, btw). I am now temping in another legal job (to quell my ego’s ricochet-reaction fears about money, security, and ending up under a bridge), but I am starting to find that this new legal gig is enabling me to adjust to detaching from the matrix, while earning $ and enjoying a way less demanding job. I am neither tethered to a device (like I used to be and like the people I now work for are) or defined by the job. I simply show up, help clients and ease workloads (which all appreciate immensely), and leave without cinderblocks around my ankles. It’s incredibly liberating (even though I’m still tecchnically working a 3D job) and an awesome next step for my soul to serve up to me on my journey to help me transition away from a high stress job that owned and defined me. Now I’m getting to define who I am in a similar environment and it is helping me see how my soul really does have my back. It is gently guiding me and breaking me free of conditioning, and programming I used to think was reality. It is one thing to know everything is an illusion, but it is quite another thing to live it. It is time now for all of us ‘pioneers’ to walk our talk. No ascended mastery badges are handed out to anyone who doesn’t pass the “walk your talk” initiation. We have arrived at that threshold. Kudos for all the work we did to get here!!!
    Lots of love!

    1. Lisa,
      It sounds like you have made a huge shift in perspective, and found that you can allow the unfolding of this process while still being in a work environment. It sounds like the perfect next step. Congratulations! And really, this becoming more of ourselves isn’t about what we do, but about how we feel about ourselves and how we are feeling as we do it. That’s the freedom. It’s a state of consciousness. And part of that is, as you are demonstrating, being gentle with our human self in all of this. You have made brave choices about how you want to feel. And it really shows how you are trusting your soul. And you are blessing the folks you work along side of. Thank you Master, for sharing your story.💕💕💕

    2. Kat

      “but I am starting to find that this new legal gig is enabling me to adjust to detaching from the matrix, while earning $ and enjoying a way less demanding job. I am neither tethered to a device (like I used to be and like the people I now work for are) or defined by the job”

      Hi Lisa,

      I feel that more and more people are going down this route: work for a living, not living for work. The job is just a tool that helps us survive in the 3D world (it pays our bills) but we don’t have to become a slave to it. Congratulations on taking that step.

  2. Kat

    “What struck me was the feeling of guilt associated with ease.”

    I can so relate to that – in the artistical sense (I also felt that sense of guilt when I used Adobe Illustrator, it felt like cheating) – but also in everyday life. I think it comes with the “no pain, no gain” mentality that is prevalent in our society. If you get something without working hard for it, you don’t appreciate it; that is somehow the mindset of our (western) world.
    I’m so over it though; in fact I feel like if you have to work hard for something or put effort in it, it is not meant for you. My experience has showed me that the things that you are meant to get or experience come easily and without any effort.

    “But our human self has a hard time allowing the soul to create our enlightenment for us. Do we feel like maybe we are cheating unless we do it all by ourselves? The old traditional way of building it from the bottom on up, brick by brick?”

    That’s it. That’s the old human way of doing things and it’s outdated. When you think about it, the only thing during ascension that we have to “do” is to allow. Ascension in itself is actually the opposite of effort. But our ego is trying to create effort. The pain arises the moment we think that there is something wrong with the situation as it is and that we have to “do” something about it, but not knowing what to do (I’m a prime example of this haha); it’s the loss of control the ego experiences that is scary to him/her and that’s where we make it hard for us.
    I imagine that ascension would have been so much easier for me if I didn’t try to figure out how to escape the void or how bored/annoyed I was about my lack of job. It is what it is and trust and allowing were the only sane options; but being human we still tend to go back into our mind and overthink things.
    Thank you Maria for another insight yet again. 🙂 ❤

    1. Kat…You are so wise…I hope that when I get to be your age (heehee) I’m as wise as you are!!! You say, “The pain arises the moment we think there is something wrong with the situation as it is and that we have to ‘do’ something about it…” Bingo.

      Can I give a fun example? Ok, if you insist.

      I love walking around my complex in the grassy areas, but often people who live there don’t pick up after their pets, so I decided to order some disposable scrubs that you put over shoes. Then I could just throw them away after my walk. I ordered 200 of them and when I put them on and began my walk, I started getting an allergic reaction. Apparently some manufacturers infuse them with chlorine. I immediately took them off and threw all of them away. I spent the next few hours uncomfortable. And even after a couple of months, my shoes still have some of the chlorine in them. So, what I set out to do, protect my shoes, ended up ruining a pair of $120.00 running shoes.

      Not earth shattering, but just an example of trying to remedy a situation. Now I just set my intent on having a nice crap free walk. (Haha) and so far so good.👣

      1. Kat

        “You are so wise”

        Right back at cha 😀

        “Not earth shattering, but just an example of trying to remedy a situation. Now I just set my intent on having a nice crap free walk. ”

        That is a good example of taking too many precautions that end up being counterproductive. I’m certain you wouldn’t have had an allergic reaction if you weren’t as spiritually advanced as you are. That was probably your spirit telling you “walk your talk woman, you know better than that. Trust me” 😛

        Thank you again. I’m visiting your site every day in hope there is a new article or new comment. Lovin’ it 🙂 ❤

  3. Ahhhhhh….dear Sistar Goddess Maria—oh my oh my….you speak to me…..and your song was something I really needed to hear right now. Beautiful!

    I am living alone for the first time in my life (just about 60 years) with my honey gone for two months. AND I am loving it (and missing him) but I feel like I am trying to re-invent myself……My mantra has been, “I can do anything I want.” AND I am confused. I love my life and all that I get to do or not do, but trying to fathom that I can do ANYTHING THAT I WANT………..unfathomable! Inconceivable as that guy in the Princess Bride says over and over…….

    I am fighting with myself…….keep thinking that I am supposed to be on a great perfect-for-me diet so I will lose 20 pounds by the time my honey gets home……filled with despair and self disgust/loathing at my lack of willpower……why did this crop up now when I thought i was done? I keep thinking I have to DO something…….(my main soul type is a CAN-DO)…..oy!

    AND easy…….oh my gosh…….you said it…..if it is easy it is wrong, right??!! ha! Wrong!!!???!!!

    Anyway, thanks for stating it so well and letting me spew a bit.

    I get to have a massage this afternoon, doing a trade with a friend and she is quite insightful…..

    love you and love all of us……I still love me but finding it a bit of a struggle right now. Thanks!

    1. Hi dear siSTAR goddess…it’s so interesting that we can feel both things: lonely, yet fulfilled, self loathing yet love ourselves just as we are. And I think these darker emotions crop up BECAUSE we are becoming more of ourselves, our soul self. So our mind wants to try even harder to pull us back. You know, like you begin walking out the door leaving behind an abusive and controlling relationship, and they try to drag you back in. They amp it up, trying to seduce you every which way.

      And not of course to try to overcome the emotions but to just be aware that there is another part of us, our soul, that has no issues with self esteem, or any other self sabotaging emotion. It’s part of our mastery. Most people on the planet aren’t aware that they are both human and a soul. So consider it a good sign that you are even further along than you realized.

      Oh boy, a massage…so nurturing…enjoy. And many thanks for reblogging on elizabethsadhu. Love to you.🌹💕💕

      1. YAY!!!! Thanks for that…….. “So consider it a good sign that you are even further along than you realized.” heehee…..

        AND the art piece in your header is EXACTLY how I imagine I always wanted to look like……..heehee………maybe in another life I did….she looks so familiar!

        Thanks honey sistar goddess… rock it.

        love, E

  4. I just read all the comments……oh kindreds……………thank you so much for sharing and being here. I, also, am with Kat about stopping in here frequently………Still wishing for a gathering with a glass of wine or cup of joe or or or…..with a big old chat with you all!

    Great story about the dog shit, Maria…….Don’t you love how the Universe works that?
    Great story from Lisa about your work! I love it.
    Kat–you always have some good wise ass shit to say. WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!

    Thanks for being here, y’all!

    love love love, E

  5. Just wanted to let you know that I am a new woman! Had an amazing massage with tons of great realizations! So much confirmation. BEING…..not doing. I AM listening to that inner guidance to rest rest rest. Relax……….great time of quiet and contemplation. OH YES!

    Thanks for being there!

    love love love, E

      1. Thanks honey! AND then I read this morning……from Montserrat Isabel of the sacred feminine. I love how stuff comes………

        “I am reading so many posts from people about feeling depressed these days, anxious, and other emotions that take us away from our well Being, and for me, when I feel that way, it signals that I have outgrown my current reality. It is actually a positive sign that I have to kick everything up a notch.

        Fear comes next: “Will I be able to do it… will I hurt somebody’s feelings, will I upset my life to the point that I might not recognize it after I am done”?

        YES, to all. ❤

        And that is the point, for until I break the fabric of my current reality, I cannot break free either. Patching it does not work, THAT is why I became depressed and anxious in the first place.

        In my personal experience, every time I have conquered my fear and broken free from something/someone it has been so AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND REWARDING afterwards, and I laughed at myself for not having it done sooner… What I felt as fear, became empowerment, the energy that propelled me into, and carried me through, my new reality/life.

        So, go ahead and take that step, and don't worry about how you might hurt others with your decisions. Your actions might be the catalyst for them to also make the changes they need to make.

        If your breaking free does not involve any other people but yourself, remember to love yourself beyond measure. You deserve it. Don't keep yourself waiting."

        Thanks again everyone and Maria for creating this space. Love, E

        1. Beautiful message Elizabeth…I’ve noticed in my own experience that when I do finally make a decision that I was afraid would hurt someone else, it invariably benefitted them, too…so here’s to ‘kicking everything up a notch!’
          Thanks for sharing!💕💕💕

  6. Elila

    Just wanted to say to you Maria and all my sisters (& brothers ) here that i am still here every day too…you all have no idea how important this space is to me especially lately–world is upside down after being traumatized yet again by the sudden passing of my mom. Trying to amp up the self care/love in the midst of the biggest shitstorm of life so far and all my fellow pioneers here have helped me more than i can express. Maria, Kat, Sweet Pea, and the rest of you, i love you all and am so damn grateful for your presence here. I hope you can all still feel me even when i cant manage words 💜💕💜💕💜

    1. Elila

      PS–idont know how i would have gotten through mothers day if it werent for my beloved irreverents here! And i took all y’all’s advice just so ya know 😉

    2. Kat

      Oh I’m sorry for your mum’s passing and that your are currently in a not so good state but you’ll bounce back and higher than before, I’m sure of that.
      Just yesterday Maria and I were responding to a comment of yours under another article here because we wanted to know how you are and that you are Ok. So glad to hear from you again dear Elila.
      Love to you hun 🙂

    3. Elila, I am sending you warm hugs and love my dear. You are a beautiful and courageous soul. I know how powerful the mother daughter connection is. And how much emotion comes up during this time. If you want to share here what you are going through you have our love and support, and I also understand if there are times you just ‘can’t manage words’. It’s all good. 💕💕💕💕

  7. Kat

    “I hope you can all still feel me even when i cant manage words 💜”

    Yes absolutely. You were in my mind (and heart) very intensely the past couple of days, hence my attempt to contact you via commenting under this article.

    I thought you might get a notification and see it. I hope you’ll feel better soon.
    A big, massive hug to you dear one 🙂 xxx

  8. Elila

    Oh my goodness ladies the love here and the warm embrace just feels so amazing to me. People keep asking how im doing or what im going to do now (i have been here looking after mom for 5yrs now–she got “24hr in-home care” as my sister called it and i got a place to sleep and groceries during this bizarre ascension process where there has been no work or income to speak of, so on paper anyhow it was win-win for us both😜) and i honestly dont know how to answer any of it. Maria you are so right about the complicated mother/daughter thing, and so much gets amplified when this happens. We had such a difficult relationship, just like you all had/have with your mums, and my feelings are just all over the place. Also dealing with the estate is a nightmare (ugh understatement), and we are trying to go quickly thru it bcuz its hemorrhaging money, but the faster we go the faster i lose my home. Somewhere in me i feel a strong conviction that some how, some way no matter how dire it all looks on the outside, its all going to come out in upgraded splendor in the end, and i will be ok (and pehaps even have that coffee with you Maria!). I have no idea how my spirit will pull this off but im putting all faith there and letting it handle all the heavy lifting. Sometimes i feel so good and so sure that everything is gonna be alright and that i will come out far better than before that i feel a little guilty for it–so this post resonated SO much!! When i feel good despite all thats happening (there has been no break since Feb 6 when we got her to the doctor and the unfolding began–its been the All Mom Channel All the Time for me and my sister), i feel like i should feel worse and more mournful, and when i feel worse i know i have no power there and need to get myself back to the better feeling place with as much self care/love as i can muster! Oh and elizabeths recent experience with her mum really resonated too–especially the “liberated” aspect–i feel a lot of the same things you describe elizabeth, and then i also feel some guilt for that –oy its all so confusing!
    Anyhow i dont want to hijack your post here Maria (and it is brilliant and SO helpful), hopefully this nutshells it a little? There are yet more people coming today to rummage through and take more of mom’s things so i must sign off for now, but gosh i love you all so dearly and im hugging each of you–thank you for your warmth and caring and for just EXISTING! 💙💙💙💙💙

    1. Elila, I feel like everything is working out perfectly for you, and when you feel that, that is absolutely your truth. And when you get pulled into the emotional drama, and guilt, that’s not your truth. Your mom feels relief now. And she wants you to feel relief, and not guilt. Because especiially as a woman, the guilt is ,or has been resident in our cells. So it’s no surprise that when we feel our joy and our worthiness,the guilt comes in close behind, trying to pull us back.

      Now you and your mom, or I should say, eventually you and your mom will have a much healthier relationship now that the mom daughter thing is out of the way, Now she gets to witness a woman, you, who is in the process of falling in love with herself. What a gift you are giving her, and her mother on down the line. Because if she decides to come back for another lifetime, she will have a much easier time because you are setting yourself free, and setting her free.

      Meanwhile continue that self nurturing.🌹💕

      1. Elila

        Aaah thank you Maria, this helps so much. I know on some level its true, but while she was here she would have absolutely wanted me to feel guilt and not relief (misery loves company and all that nonsense), so its hard to imagine her vibing differently now. But perhaps thats only bcuz its so fresh and i’ll be able to grok it more fully as time passes? I keep hoping that now she can see more clearly what im actually doing here, and has an understanding of who i am and it all makes more sense to her(it drove her a bit nuts that she could never understand me), and that shes no longer angry with me for refusing to bow to the patriarchal crap the way she felt she had to. (A girl can dream). I like how you describe us giving them a gift by freeing us all. I like thinking shes possibly aware of that now ….

        1. Elila, yeah i noticed the 11:11 the master numbers…..very cool….and vis a vis my own mom, same thing. While she was alive it was guilt, guilt, guilt. I really never felt the support from her because she stood behind my patriarchal, controlling father…which now I get she did for survival purposes.

          But after she passed away, it took a while, but now I feel her with me in a whole different way. Her perspective has changed. She was just caught up in what most women of her generation were caught up in. They want to be free but they don’t know how to get out. We do. We as advanced souls have the capacity to.

          Any way, you’re right, it’s all too soon, and it’s just to let things settle. But you will feel a shift. This will open up new potentials for you. Love to you.🌹💕💕

    2. I just love this beautiful group. The love and connection! Joy joy joy…..

      Sending you love, so much, in this time of transition for you, Elila!

      So much love for us all in each of our interesting transitions……

      Big hugs and virtual cups of coffee or red wine……. We are one!

  9. Elila

    Oh yes Maria, the guilt–and not just a side dish–a heaping platter! And yes to her standing behind the violent controlling father, which yes intellectually i know was for her own survival, but ive never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a mother who had no instinct to protect her child? I never felt her support either– what i mostly recall is her anger and resentment towards me (not that there werent moments of her appreciating me, but the anger is the overall feeling). She was a woman who would never support another woman breaking free. As a matter of fact those women incited fury and hatred in her towards them. I remember someone gave her the book Eat Pray Love and she read about one chapter and became so enraged at Elizabeth Gilbert (a woman and a book that i resonated deeply with) for setting herself free that not only did she refuse to read the rest of the book, she threw tirades and railed against it for years! (And elizabeth’s [sadhu, not gilbert] description of her mum being an ardent trump supporter and lost in fox-land making herself sick fits my mom perfectly as well). Talk about arguing for your limitations! Its one thing to cling to those things for yourself, but to hate other women (including me) for saying no thanks to that tyranny, just wow.
    Anyhow i believe you that i will someday feel a shift in her perception and i have already asked for her support. One day at a time is my motto at the moment. Lots of love back to you
    and love back to you too Elizabeth–thank you for your warm caring 💙

    1. Elila, you bring up something that is at the heart of the issue of women claiming their freedom to be themselves, here on the planet. The issue is, as we step into our sovereignty, there is the risk of other women resenting us. And while we say, “who cares? Not my problem”, which it isn’t, there is still that part of us that feels we will be betraying our sisters, who are not free and are in pain. We will be making them even more uncomfortable. Haven’t we been the comforters and nurturers of others for so damned long, one reason being we don’t like seeing others uncomfortable??? And we did not see them as capable of nurturing themselves.

      So it takes detaching from all of that, even from the rest of humanity. And there will be anger (which is directed at the mother) and it’s appropriate. So much has been suppressed in the name of being the good woman. The anger is a fuel to move energies. To stand up for ourselves, at least initially. And then the anger transforms. We recognize that they were just stuck. And then the balanced relationship can begin with them.

      1. Elila

        Yes Maria this makes so much sense. I have become aware through my learning here about being that “comforter”–good grief it was something i used to do so automatically (mostly to protect myself from others anger and violent energies), i was completely unaware of it on a conscious level. Now ive learned to be aware and more discerning. And yes on the not wanting to betray other women, for a long time. You wrote in a post recently “…but werent they always angry?…” and it was like a brick to the head to me and i shouted YES!! Holy crap yes even my closest girlfriends i felt a level of resentment and anger from but i was so busy appeasing them so they wouldnt act out on it, and it was the same with my mom of course. What a great gift you gave me with that perspective and awareness! Now i expwct mich more balanced relationships for myself and im not as frightened of others anger–i think mainly bcuz the further into ascension i get and the more tastes of freedom and carefreeness that i experience, the easier its getting to lean away from the annoyed ones and walk towards the amazing new feelings of sovereignty!

    2. sweet pea

      aw Elila i missed your beautiful spirit 💜💜💜

      and oh goodness yes so much to both of you and this whole conversation 💜. Elila what you describe of your mother is the the nature of almost every woman i grew up around in my family and church. all those women so stuck in perpetuating patriarchy and misogyny help keep it all alive. patriarchy needs women to fear and judge each other, to see other women as threats, so that they don’t feel free to find solace in each other, and so that they then forever see men as their safe place…no matter how unsafe they may actually be.

      think how much our society vilifies “free” women ten ways to tuesday, and how that influences the life women like our mothers chose. i feel like growing up ALL single, independent women were portrayed as “mistresses” who were out there just doing nothing but going after other women’s husbands. like if a woman wasn’t married with kids, she had no other purpose in life but to be out prowling around for a good woman’s husband, lol. never was it presented to me that single, independent women were simply living their lives… ya know, having careers and hobbies, being with their friends, fulfilling their own purpose, and just simply being a woman, not having anything to do with men at all. and they maybe might even be out there doing great things in the world! “free” women were always portrayed as immoral threats, and so women who wanted to be accepted as “good women” rejected a life of freedom and got married and had kids. so i think after they’ve chosen their life path, when inspiring “free” women are portrayed, and in such a way they are actually beautiful, good women, that terrifies women even more…the idea that all of those ideas they had about free women being evil maybe not being true terrifies them because they rejected a life of freedom based on lies, so they double down on their resentment and hatred to justify the road they chose.

      for me the saddest thing with my mama was that i actually always tuned into a side of her that admired and desperately yearned to be that woman in eat pray love. like i always sensed a side of her that was a brilliant free spirit who would’ve loved to have had a career she was passionate about, friends she loved, and been out there exploring the world and being independent and free, but i think she just never even knew that was something she had the choice to choose. 😔 i kinda have always hoped i will get to know that side of her in another life.

      and Elila, i so understand this…

      “…ive never been able to wrap my head around the idea of a mother who had no instinct to protect her child?…”

      i never actually wondered that at all as a child because the idea of it was so absent that i didn’t even ever consider for one little bit that she should’ve protected me. now as i’m grown and look back, i realize how much that affected my self-worth. the notion that i wasn’t worth protecting really damaged my spirit. that’s really what eventually led me to cut ties with her. she continued to deny my daddy’s abuse, and even pressured me to deny it. i realized i could never learn to love myself with her reinforcing that unworthiness.

      Elila, i’m sorry to hear of your loss. but i do think you will now be moving into a season of your life where you will be allowed to set yourself free from so many energetic burdens you’ve carried for her. so so happy to hear from you again 💜

  10. Elila

    Oh dearest sweet pea, i hope i am as wise as you when i grow up! 😉
    I wish id had your level of awareness and articulation at 26. Everything you say here i see too. The women around me growing up were pretty much all the same as you describe. There were no role models so i tried to cram myself into the roles i saw–which was always dreadfully unsuccessful of course. I feel like my whole life ive been struggling to spin gold out of straw, to make the proverbial silk purse out of a sow’s ear. It occurs to me that women, in reaction to patriarchy, have created a matriarchy that is every bit as oppressive and damaging as the patriarchy. And it stymies and saddens me that in this day and age, with all the strides various forms of feminism have made–well it used to be that pretty much the only option a woman had was marriage/motherhood–and here we are in a new millenium with breathtaking advancements and even NOW there are only TWO options for women–motherhood or career. And im not the least bit interested in either!!! If you think about it its kind of ludicrous. That with all the creativity and imagination humans possess we have not diversified better than that. Homogenity is the name of the game but we know homogenity is stasis and death. Go figure. I want to be something new that isnt anything like “mother” or “working woman”. I want to be that rarest of unicorns, “joyful vibrantly healthy and abundant free RELAXED woman”!
    And i do believe deeply that what you and maria and kat have said about this experience paving the way to something better, the relief from heavy energetic burden and so forth, is absolutely true. I can FEEL that im getting closer to being the woman i dream of and life being easier and more enjoyable than i ever thought possible (despite how things are looking on the surface at the moment).
    So much love to you my dear

    PS just wanted to let you all know that ive not been gone at all for all this time–every day i came here multiple times to read and re-read all the posts and comments to stay connected to you all and to myself (& to have something positive to occupy myself with for all those staggeringly long hours) while i was living in moms hospital room for 30 days. All of you helped get me through all the horror and agony of that, and all the craziness thats ensued since her passing. There is a “homeness” here, a family that i felt supported by. Interestingly, the people i would have received or relied on for support in person (aside from my siblings, who were really great), through this ascension process, are all gone now. My closest local friend passed away in June, and i lost my oldest friendship of 30 years to yet another manic bout of her bipolar disorder in december. So at the funeral, my siblings had their spouses & lots of friends showing up from near and far, but i was alone. But i didnt FEEL so alone bcuz of you all here, and the fact that i had my dear SELF, and have learned from being here how to honor and love and nourish her, i think i did pretty ok! And im certain that somehow im heading for dramatic upgrades! I love you all and this precious space very much! Just wanted you to know…XOXOXO

  11. sweet pea

    yes Elila so much!!! 💜

    “…That with all the creativity and imagination humans possess we have not diversified better than that…”

    that’s perfectly it for me! i feel that way about life in general, not just womanhood, but with relationships and life paths. it has always felt so suffocating to me that most people are trying to figure out how to get their feet to fit into other people’s footprints rather than just wandering where they feel instinctively called to go. so many people trying to live as they think they should rather than live as who they are.

    and aww i’m happy you’ve able to find comfort here while you’ve been going through all of this. 💜

    about the relationship with your friend ending… i hope this comes out right because i don’t mean it to be insensitive to anyone who suffers with things such as bipolar disorder, and i don’t want to presume anything about your friendship, but i will say that maybe sounds like another area where the loss may be a place you’re being set free 😕. i have been through something a bit similar in that i had a sociopath in my life(and i mean literal clinical definition of sociopath), and there are kinda a lot of similarities in how sociopaths treat people, and how some people with mood disorders can behave in relationships 😟… just a lot of selfishness, manipulation, destruction… just really heavy, energy draining relationships. those kind of connections can eat you alive, and if you’re an empath, it’s a bazillion times worse. i’m sorry for the loss of that friendship, but it maybe you’ll be able to finally breathe some fresh air away from it.

    annnnd you’re not alone 💜💜💜

    1. Elila

      Aaaah YES sweet pea yes! Its really all of life, where people feel forced to fit in and toe the line instead of exploring and branching out. How perfectly you expressed that. And my dear you are not being insensitive about that friendship at all, bcuz i saw and felt the very same thing–while i loved her very much it was such an enormous amount of work and an incredible drain on me for all those years, pretty much from the beginning, and i recognized that it was an amplified version of most of my relating with others where i felt i had to be “super-soother” (good grief i should have worn tights and a cape😜) and when the latest round of manic hit (i could see them coming from years of experience) i made a conscious decision NOT to stand by again and to let the relationship go. Your description of what its like is spot on! And i most definitely DO feel the relief and clear space it has freed up, and the love for myself filled any empty spots! It was very sad (and of course she needed to make it as dramatic & cruel as she could)–but it was actually a great gift i gave to myself 😊💕. When i look back it was the last of the long friendships that i had formed (i had three long term “best friends” that ascension made impossible to keep up) where we bonded over our shared miseries and perceived victimhood and feelings of powerlessness, and they all wanted to hold on to that role and i felt i had definitely outgrown it (& wanted to move past it) and that a lovely carefree healthy life was absolutely possible, whereas they really had the “life sucks and then you die” stance (just like my mom…) & really had no interest in any other perspective and would actually argue for it! So, like you said in another comment here, anything or ANYONE that messes with me feeling my own well being and self love (boundary crossers!)–i just cant bear.
      Another more recent (and healthier 😉) friend noted that the main difference between losing that 30yr friendship and losing the dear friend that passed right before that was that with him the anguish was only in him dying, but with the lady in the 30yr relationship the anguish WAS the relationship–which i thought was a brilliant observation.
      And you are not alone either my dear 💜💜💜💜💜

      1. sweet pea

        wow Elila that is a brilliant way your friend spoke of it. i think that’s true for most if not all old energy relationships? the relationships are built and bonded around our weaknesses rather than our strengths, so the relationships reflect our pain, and when we grow out of them, it’s because we’re choosing to leave the pain behind.

        and goodness you have such perfectly perfect insight on your friendships 💜 your self-reflection of the role you played is so so good. i have such similar sense of how i have been in my connections. what you describe has been so so strong a theme in the past 5 or 6 years of my life. this is something i wrote in my journal about it all…

        “walk away from anyone who glorifies brokenness or believes they have a right to be damaged, pain is their comfort zone, and they have no desire to leave it.”

        brokenness is pretty universal state of being that i think every person lives in for some or all of their journey as a human, and to most people it’s just what being a human is all about. but i really do feel that for those of us who feel called to this journey of wholeness and self-love, evolving past brokenness as a default way of being, is such a big part of our journey. and i think we reach a point where we can just no longer have close connections with people who are fighting for, or even simply resolved to their brokenness. . 😞 it’s not that we don’t have compassion for the place they are in – we’ve all been pretty darn broken too, and it’s not that we see ourselves as perfect or expect others to be perfect, i think we just can no longer stay on a close path with others who are not seeking or at least wanting to find wholeness.

      2. Elila

        Sweet pea–yes yes YES exaaaactly to everything you said!!! Not wanting to stay in that stuck pain place arguing for my perceived limitations. And tired of hearing im ridiculous and unrealistic or pompous for wanting and expecting better. All those old energy relationships where all the old stories keep getting brought up and retold and reinforced–i just cant take it any more. Im so sick of my OWN old stories let alone others. I believe you are right, we are meant to transcend and evolve past all that. Its like being in a pit with all my “best friends” and i see a spot where climbing out might be possible and they all get mad at me and say no way not posssible your crazy and they get angry for me even thinking of attempting to climb out. And when i do anyway they elect to stay in the pit! I love your journal entry–that is so IT. I have lost many people in that old energy pit, and no new ones are rushing in to fill the space but that is fine for me for now as it allows more of mySelf to come in closer, and we have lots of time to hang out and get to know each other 😊! And now if i do spend time with others im looking for something entirely different. People who take care of themselves and love themselves and aren’t addicted to drama or pain and have a lovely fun calmness about them….
        The bipolar lady wore her condition like a proud shield. It was her excuse for everything, like hey you cant blame me im bipolar, shrug. And she refused to do anything to help herself–like eating better or proper sleep or getting some exercise (she is well over 300lbs) or taking steps to reduce stress….like many people she treats herself like a car you take to a mechanic to fix. Just go to a doctor for more meds. LOTS of meds. Ever changing cocktails of meds. Honestly it was more like being friends with a drug addict than a person suffering a disorder, because of her unwillingness to do anything FOR herself. Anyway, thats more old story! Im free from that now and moving forward with my merry band of irreverent ascensioners LOL
        Again i wish id been as aware and insightful as you are my lovely friend. Heres to us seeking wholeness together! 💜💕💜

      3. sweet pea

        Elila it’s so so crazy how you perfectly say things in such detail the way i feel and think the exact same things! could’ve written that whole first paragraph. and what the people we leave behind don’t get is that it’s not an act of love for us to stay with them in that pit, that’s just confirmation that we agree they aren’t worthy or capable of more. love is believing we’re capable of rising up.

        and this… “The bipolar lady wore her condition like a proud shield.” yes. their struggle is their identity, and they work hard to keep that struggle in tact. the destructive people in my life also seemed to see their brokenness as a tool that gave them power. they felt they could do anything to anyone and take no responsibility and have no care, they could just tornado through others with no sense of ownership over any of it. i really just can no longer be connected to people who don’t take responsibility and care for the energy they bring into the space they fill. 😔

        for the age thing… i kinda feel like i was forced into “consciously ascending” since i was born because of my surroundings so i feel like i’m 26 years into all this lol. i remember wondering and pondering these same sorts of things at like 5 and 6 years old because i just felt it in my bones that nothing around me in my world ever felt right. i also think this path makes ago so unimportant. 🙂 like many “chronologically older” people i connect with on this ascension path tend to be far younger in spirit and energy than their age, and younger people on this path tend to be far more insightful and “learned up” than their age. dark nights of the soul and ascension symptoms seem to have a way of helping us all get each other no matter our differences haha 😊

        and i also love what you said here….

        “…no new ones are rushing in to fill the space but that is fine for me for now as it allows more of mySelf to come in closer, and we have lots of time to hang out and get to know each other 😊! And now if i do spend time with others im looking for something entirely different. People who take care of themselves and love themselves…”

        that’s so the space i’m in and feel so soooo grateful for it.

  12. Elila

    Sweet pea you do the same thing with your comments–always right in line wih how im thinking and feeling! I agree with you that age is pretty irrelevant, but i also cant help looking at myself at 26 and its a fairly hilarious contrast to your level of awareness LOL–i bet you ARE 26 yrs into this process! Just born right into it.
    And what you say about “their struggle is their identity”–holy crap that is the TRUTH. She fights hard to keep the whole thing going. Its utterly unfathomable to me. When I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression i fought tooth and nail to transcend its clutches, and it did require medication. I eventually succeeded. It took a lot of practice and implementing new habits & ways of thinking and releasing old ones, but i got there. So i cant wrap my head at all over anyone WANTING and fighting to stay in that debilitating space. I know its different for everyone, and i know first hand its most definitely not an easy thing and not everyone can get out–but i would try everything i could!
    “Love is believing we are capable of rising up”—oh sweet pea that is so profoundly true. I never thought of it quite that way–that is beautiful.
    And i am so grateful too for all this quality time for myself! At the moment i have family in town visiting from out west, so the whole family is spending the weekend entertaining them and i just opted out of the days activities. I spent yesterday with them all and it was more than enough for me! So today im spending with my FAVORITE person –me!!

      1. Elila

        Haha thanks Maria! I am wholeheartedly enjoying myself! And my favorite thing is that i said “thank you, but no”, with no apology or excuse–and no guilt!!!
        I think im really starting to grok this whole self-first, allowing and receiving business! 😉😊💕💕💕

  13. Kat

    Elila and sweet pea, I’m savouring every single word you two wrote above and I’m enjoying the amount of truth and wisdom here, wow!

    Elila, this is expressing what I’ve been feeling for a while, but couldn’t grasp intellectually:

    “there are only TWO options for women–motherhood or career. And im not the least bit interested in either!!!”

    YES! I don’t want either! Why can’t I just enjoy life, chilling and not pursuing either of these things? (Well I can and I am, but it never seems an option in society). It’s ludicrous! People should have many many more options

    1. Elila

      Kat–i know right?? Its crazy. Somehow im doing it too–just BEing here (no idea how ive kept it going!) and i know others who would like to do it too but are too terrified & conditioned to SAY it let alone do it….
      Love that you joined in! 💙

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