The other day I was relaxing at Starbucks with my dark roast. Staring out the window, musing about how amazing it is to be here on the planet at this auspicious time and how……
Well, that’s as far as I got, when a group of people rushed in the door and came directly toward my table. As I looked up I recognized their faces…they were a few friends (the few I had left), a couple of neighbors, and a couple of distant cousins.
The cousin on my father’s side of the family looked me directly in the eye and said, quite sternly, “Maria, we are here because we love you and care about you. We can’t bear to see you like this. You are not only hurting your friends and family, but you’re hurting yourself!
This is an Intervention!”
At that moment it felt like I was being ambushed and that I’d better play along, if for no other reason than to see where they intended to go with this whole charade. I think they were surprised that I didn’t put up a fight.
“O.K. What’s next?” I responded.
“We want to take you to Anthoulla’s house, and sit with you and just talk to you.”
So we all piled into Anthoulla’s mini van, and headed to her house, where I was not surprised to find an entire spread of Greek fare. From pasticio, mousaka, Greek salad, to an array of desserts such as baklava, koulourakia, and galaktoboureko.
I was hoping we could dig right in since I hadn’t had lunch yet. But they had other plans. I eyed the long table of mouth watering foods.
“Sit, Maria. Sit. We talk, then we eat.”
I felt a flush of anxiety. Dear god, why didn’t I run while I had the chance?
The next hour was a round robin of all the things they found wrong with me, from my behaviors to my lifestyle. To highlight the finer points, I had become selfish, uncaring, irresponsible. I was becoming less and less involved in family activities, and didn’t even attend the funeral of the great-aunt.
I never return phone calls any more. I don’t attend holiday dinners any more. It’s as if I have lost total connection to my own family, who, by the way, loves me very, very much and just wants what’s best for me. At least that last statement is what they said at the end of the all-you-can-eat character assassination buffet.
Even while having lunch, there were more concerns thrown at me, like why wasn’t there a man in my life? Why do I spend so much time alone? Am I in a cult?
So, I decided that there was no point in defending myself. It was obvious that these folks were in the dark, not me. Maybe the real question is why didn’t I just bolt? I may be crazy, but not crazy enough to pass up good Greek cuisine!
So after stuffing as many butter cookies as I could fit into my purse, I excused myself to use the bathroom. Luckily there was a large enough window in there and I slipped out as quietly as possible.***
***Brought to you by THIS DIDN’T REALLY HAPPEN productions
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