Who’s Riding on Your Coat-tails?

You probably have experienced someone trying to ride on your coat-tails either financially or emotionally. Maybe it used to be something you enjoyed, or thought was your responsibility. You thought that your service to humanity was in that capacity. To hold energies for others and for the planet.  But you may have noticed that it no longer feels right.

Recently, someone accused me of flushing a 16 year friendship into the loo.

Ouch! Well played, guilt. But the score still stands, guilt, 0, Maria, 1.

I stopped taking the heat for other people’s response to something I may have said or done.

It’s liberating.

Because there is no such thing as being the victim. People can play victim and they do, but there really are no victims. Everyone is responsible for their own creations.

If someone feels rebuffed by something I may have said or done I am not responsible for that. At this stage of my enlightenment, I am not capable of hurting anyone. I’m not in a consciousness in which I would intentionally try to hurt someone physically or emotionally. So if they feel hurt, it’s only because they were already feeling hurt. They were already feeling bad.

They brought the situation to themselves just as much as I created my version of that situation. They need to ask themselves, why did I create this? Is this a pattern of mine? Why am I feeling like a victim? What do I get out of being a victim?

And, if I allow myself to take the heat, and begin to feel responsible or guilty, I need to ask myself the same questions.

Art by Maria Chambers

So I no longer accept responsibility for making others feel good or bad. It is not my job to make others feel accepted and loved. It is not up to me to make them feel more comfortable. That is their job.

I don’t mind being supportive. But I don’t have the time or the energy to hold anyone’s hand. That’s their job. They can hold their hand, or better yet, ask their soul to hold their hand.

I have worked long and hard to get to where I am today. I will not allow anyone to ride on my coat-tails. That’s not my job. I will not bail anyone out financially or emotionally. That’s not my job.

If someone wants to be in my life, they, for the most part are going to have to be self-loving, self-sufficient, and sovereign. They will have to be responsible for their own joy. They will have to learn to love and accept themselves just as they are. That is not something I can do for them. I have better things to do with my time.

And if they are not willing to feed from their own trough, my time with them is limited.

I will share who I am with others, and I will enjoy them and hopefully they will enjoy me. We will be coming together as two self-loving, self-fulfilled beings.

We may ask each other for assistance at times using our own unique skill sets, but it won’t be in the capacity of nurturing or hand-holding.

We will bring out the best in each other. Good relationships, whether they are friendships, or mates, are not something that need to be worked at, they either work or they don’t. They flow, or they don’t.

They may be life-long, or last a week, or something in between. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is, if it becomes less than joyful, it’s a sign.

That may sound harsh, but it’s much harsher to your body, your soul and your mind to perpetuate something that no longer serves you.

And holding energies for anyone is no longer serving you, not if you are wanting to move into your enlightenment and your freedom. Processing energies for the planet…..not going to do.

That is being done by others now. It’s not your job. You’ve retired from that job. Take the gold watch and get yourself out of there.

Others are there now to pick up where you left off. For them, holding energies is just where they need to be.

Art by Maria Chambers


And as women, we now know that it’s been in our DNA to take on the wounds of humanity. And that has come to an end. There may still be a small part of us that holds onto the need to be in pain, as a service to humanity.

A part of us that believes we must go through labor pains in order to birth our Christ Consciousness. That a good woman is one who serves by being uncomfortable, so that others can be more comfortable.

And as women, there is still a part of us that is reluctant to be our full, embodied selves because we were not treated with respect for being that self in the past.

We have been reluctant, then, to be our sensual selves.

But now, as men and women on the forefront of this change, we need to embrace our sensuality fully. We are not going to become enlightened here in these bodies otherwise.

This is an undertaking that is extraordinary. It’s never been done like this before. It requires all of our attention and our devotion. Not from our minds, not from our brain but from our heart and our body.

The devotion required from our mind is to be in service to our heart, body and soul. Not to be in charge. Big difference.

So, if anyone is riding on your coat-tails, you will know it. And if you make the choice to set them free, they have also made the choice to be set free, on some level. They may not realize it consciously but they, too are creating their reality.

© Copyright 2017 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content within others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers, http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com

19 thoughts on “Who’s Riding on Your Coat-tails?

  1. Maurice

    Again a lot of resonance and I suppose I’m not the only one. This means that as awakened ones we get the same insights. When we are with our soul everything is fine and we see the world around us as a movie; we are just spectators and are aware of the plot and the game of the other players; the emotions of others do not affect us anymore. There is no judgement at all only compassion and this state of being is leaving seeds in the other beings. From here on we behave like the oak tree who drops his acorns and forgets them; some become oak and others die as an acorn.
    “MUSIC TO MY EARS” Yes Maria I need music also. I love the Gypsy Kings 2 but at the moment I’m fully into techno house which is strange for my age. There is a big festival in Belgium every year called Tomorrowland (I am from Antwerp, Belgium but living in france since 1989) and I love the atmosphere and the way people are responding to the music . When cooking or cleaning the house I have this in the background and often my body starts moving and dancing all by itself…

    I also had a vision about “The Last Judgment” …it is when all humans stop judging and the last one makes his last judgment….Imagine the world after that last one!
    Hugs to my soul family

    1. Maurice, yes, well said, and we also get to now have it all. The freedom to choose how we want to feel, and the physical, sensual pleasure of being in the human experience,

      The Techno house rhythm and beat is similar to the ancient drumming from places like Africa, so it’s no wonder it feels familiar and pleasurable.

      Many of us were from that part of the world, I for one, over 2000 years ago.

      So, dance on, my friend. It’s wonderful you are allowing yourself to feel the sensuality of your physical being, and your soul absolutely loves being your dance partner.

    2. Maurice, just for ‘synchronicity’s sake’ I wanna tell you that one of my very best friends as well as ex partner is called Maurice, pronounced the French way. He’s mixed race, half Jamaican and absolutely beautiful, a real ‘babe magnet’ lol. It’s far from the first time I have continued being the best of friends with an ex, this is actually the norm for me as I have no problems being platonic with guys and never really have. He still comes round to my home on a regular basis and gets on fine with both my housemates, one of whom is my ‘inamorata’ (love that word but have yet to look up the derivation). He was here only yesterday scoffing the lion’s share of my spaghetti Napolitana!

      That ‘inamorata’ (currently sleeping on the couch as I type this on my PC) is called Solomon (well originally Suleiman as he’s Somalian by birth), widely known as Solly. So now you can see why I ‘had to’ reply to your comment! And to continue the synchronicity I am just now going to reply to Maria’s post with my own two penn’orth about those who ‘ride our coat-tails’! Since this could scarcely be a more relevant topic for me right now. ❤

  2. Maurice

    Everything is sensual actually and I also realize it’s about fully taking possession of the body my spirit created. So my soul said to my ego: ” I love you ; just let me guide you and all the honors and rewards are yours” and they made the deal!

  3. Barbara

    Well said, Maria, and yes, quite some time ago I realized just as you say:

    “At this stage of my enlightenment, I am not capable of hurting anyone. I’m not in a consciousness in which I would intentionally try to hurt someone physically or emotionally. So if they feel hurt, it’s only because they were already feeling hurt. They were already feeling bad.”

    It was amazing after that revelation how free and natural I felt and how many people simply disappeared from my coattails. Thing is, for me, there was/is actually a huge space where my coattails used to be, and filling that space is a challenge… but then there’s the void!

    Thank you for your wisdom and your bravery to say it like it is. B.

    1. You’re so welcome, Barbara….and yes, they do disappear, the ones who can no longer feed from our energies. And, absolutely, it does feel like a kind of emptiness in its place, at least initially….after all, how long (eons of time) have we operated from that old system?

      And we are brave souls, because we chose the road not just less traveled, but hardly traveled. Barely traveled.

      So thank you, fellow pathfinder. 🌹💕

  4. Sweet Maria, the kids like to say on the Internet nowadays ‘Are you me?’ I’m very glad to say I know you are NOT me lolol. Just someone I am so pleased and proud to have found and connected with.

    It is part of my nature to be moody. I struggled with ‘manic depression’ for decades actually. Yesterday I acknowledged to myself and my inamorata (lol) that I felt angry. Gosh darn it, yes. Because I am broke Maria! What is even worse my beloved Mum only just keeps her head above water financially at 85! The blatant injustice of this when so many members of our own extended family and close friends are LOADED financially was just too much for me to take with equanimity. I had a feeling of ‘enough is enough’.

    Certain people though are hard for me to say ‘no’ to. Funnily enough, Maurice, the ex and current close friend I spoke about in my reply to the commenter here Maurice (no relation that I know of lol) is one. The thing is? He’s a consummate mama’s boy, his own ma is dead and I swear I have more than taken her place in his mind. And we know that mum-son bond can be crazy strong.

    I don’t act in a way that most people would or ever could be expected to understand, when it comes to money. Yet I pretty much never go without anything I need. My Moon is in Cancer, I am VERY MUCH a provider and someone who thinks ahead, extremely resourceful and have given SO MUCH that my generosity always seems to find its way back to me. I seem to have a magic touch where money is concerned. It’s truly phenomenal how much I have given away, while only receiving a ‘disability’ stipend (for my mental health issues) from the UK Government.

    But yesterday most of my anger was on my mum’s behalf. Hey, it’s complicated, human dynamics always are. But my mum is right ‘up there’ in my list of priorities and I am DETERMINED she should have any financial anxiety relieved. Unlike me, she has struggled with money to some extent all her life and I just can’t take the injustice anymore. So my immediate response was to shamelessly beg for money online and email all family and friends that might be in a position to help.

    And of course the ‘coat-tail riding’ thing is very far from limited to finances. Solly my inamorata is the ultimate coat-tail rider – yet his devotion to me is so complete and palpable that I accept and even encourage it. Needless to say almost every single person I know with very few notable exceptions, like Maurice and my therapist, disapproved of him and counselled me against this association.

    The heart wants what it wants. I’m too old to rebel for the sake of rebelling, way too experienced not to know real from fake. He won’t be going anywhere, he’s not a ‘runner’ and yep, this is the Twin Flame for real after a couple of false alarms. At 55 can’t I be allowed to be happy with someone? Hey no need to answer that – the only person who’s approval I need to seek is my own. We’re happy.

    1. My dear Louise

      As I penned this post I was not coming from a place of being beyond those dynamics myself. I think as long as we are human we will be subject to very human connections with others. And of course it’s important to accept just where we are at. As a woman I have been the mother/nurturer since I can remember, including as a child with my own mom and dad.

      But over the years I noticed that, at least for me, and I did witness it in other women, my own health and emotional well being began to take a toll. I literally got sick so that I could extricate myself from the role. I couldn’t give myself permission to say no otherwise.

      But, fast forward, and I am much betterr at setting boundaries these days. It seems to come with both awakening and age.

      And I feel that the test of whether someone or something is good for us is, how much joy does it bring? And of course no one else can determine that for us. Life truly is for living. And at the end of our life here on the planet, we wouldn’t want our biggest regret to be that we didn’t truly live.

      And if I had a nickel for how many times well meaning people told me someone or something wasn’t good for me…..💕

  5. Thank you for the incisive post! It is accurate to me! And why would it not? The Law Of Attraction works so well, I see it every time- even in the worst!

    First I read your article in Finnish from the page http://luxonia.com/viestit/131-maria-chambers/6594-5102017-kuka-roikkuu-takinliepeissaesi
    Piro Laine translates interesting articles in Finnish about awakening and does a great contribution! I have found very good articles and then the original sites, there!

    Yesterday, I tapped in your article first when I opened the site. It was a hit on the head of the nail for me just at the moment!
    Again, I have experienced a situation when I just be – in my opinion – and my being pissed some people off completelly. Interesting is, that I often FEEL beforehand who is the one. Then I say something – or do something – that reveals all their hate aginst me.

    This time he was a man in a facebook group where I belong. He attacted on me verbally when I asked a question about the project we are doing as a group. I asked: “What happens next?” Many other people had asked the same questions, but seemingly they are not selfish, greedy, negative, terrible persons as I heard that I am.

    Later, I collected pieces of information in my head and understood: he is envy, or jealous! I write a lot and in English, that is not my native language. He has difficulties in writing, so he has said. But he has taken a role as some sort of technical manager in our group, takes care of live video performances etc.
    I happened to make presentation on the page to others, how the boosting if Facebook posts works, where to find statistics, what they mean, what to look for, and my conclution about one of my post that I had tested.

    I think this was too much for him. Because after this he blew up: minimized the work I had done etc.

    I am a blond women, blue eyes and look more or less “soft”. I think that this is one of the problems I have always had. I should be a mother, not any kind of technical expert, and also “blond” by my mindset. Seens to me so! I should be giggling with other girlies and be depended on a man in everything – on this kind of man. I should propably worship this man and when I have not done it, the result is this!

    Ironically, in this group we are supposed to “support” each others!

    It never like that in the big group! They never support. They try to make you think in their way. When you step aside, they discredit you.

    After this, I got also nice private mails. Suddenly I understand what a gift this happening was to me: my “enemies” revealed themselves openly and I found people, who like me, even I did not know they excist! Now I know who is who!

    People, who like me, like me. People who don’t like me – well: it is their problem!

    Why I should hide my talents and knowledge for to make someone else feel good? Ok, I could have hold that information for myself and let the others in the group be unware how many ways they can benefit Facebook. Then, I would be a nice person?

    This is not even all: I have done that most of my life! Hided, so that someone else could feel good about hinself/ herself!

    Well, I could not resist my temptation next day to tell to the group the statistic I had got from Grammarly (the grammatic programme I use) : In the past week, I had been more productive than 98% of Grammarly users and more accurate than 89% of them! When there are more than 6,9 Million daily Grammarly users – this information delighted me deeply!

    Because I had been just mocked that I am not doing anything – I just had to show the statistics!

    I am sure that this info did not increase my popularity among certain persons. Even I know it, I published it. I belong to the group that is meant to support each other’s achievements! I am going to show what I can do. I’ve not minimized anyone. Why should I lurk behind the corners? Especially in this group.

    I am sure if I had published the recipes of the cupcaces, instead of telling some technical secrets of the Facebook, I’d fit better in and be more loved, especially by this man who decided to hate me, whatever I say.

    And finally the quote that I am not going to publish this on that group, it would be too much:

    When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    – Mark Twain-

    1. Johanna, thank you for pointing out that as we are more ourselves, and not holding back our radiance, it’s not always a blessing to others. Sometimes, as you notice, it highlights in them places they feel incomplete.

      And yes, especially as women, we are not always approved of if we are ourselves. If we don’t fall into the stereotypical nice, sweet and accommodating, we are often seen as selfish, or worse.

      And I now feel it’s a compliment to be called selfish. It must mean I am doing something right!!!

      So to some, both men and women, we can pose a threat. If we are in our freedom, it highlights their not feeling so free.

      Hiding who we are is now coming to an end. It’s one reason we incarnated as women in this lifetime. We knew that women especially were the new leaders of change. What we are doing is revolutionary.

      We are not trying to be like men, which is what women did in the women’s liberation movement, through controlling, pushing, trying, and competition. We are being the balance of Feminine and Masculine, because we know they must work in co-operation.

      And yes, what anyone else thinks of us in none of our concern.

      So kudos to you fellow pioneer, for allowing yourSELF to shine forth. And thank you for sharing a beautiful story.💕

  6. Pingback: Cast Out The Burden to Please People! - tales about freedom

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