Let’s get to it, shall we? The toxic masculine, which is part of a patriarchal system, feels threatened by the feminine. And that is because his position is tenuous, even though outside appearances seem to defy that truth.
As we know, the qualities I am speaking of can be found in both sexes. Women can embrace the toxic masculine and men can embrace the balanced feminine qualities. And of course ideally we all embody the balanced masculine and feminine.
ANGER, NOT INDIFFERENCE
Misogyny is not indifference, it’s anger. Generally, being angry at something or someone comes from a place of feeling threatened. The status quo of many people in this country was so threatened, or so it felt, that they voted from a place of deep fear.
It was a vote that clearly wanted to sustain the patriarchy’s protection of their values, which included keeping the feminine in its place. So there was no chance for the feminine to be in charge, even if she was the most qualified.
So what does this say about the feminine? It tells us that there is something in the feminine that is so threatening to the masculine, at least the imbalanced masculine we see in the existing patriarchy.
But what is so horrible about the feminine that the masculine would want to go to such lengths to silence her for so very long?
He sees in her an ability to go deeper and wider. She can go beyond the five senses. She can view life from a broader perspective, beyond the finite into an expansiveness that helps her connect with life and with others on a level he has not experienced.
She is able to receive from life in a way he envies. She is open, even vulnerable, but not in a negative way, but in a way that allows her to dance with energies that serve her and her life. For him it’s all about divide and conquer. For her sensuality and sensitivity are her guidance system, and life enhancing. For him, they are obstacles.
So he tries to drink from her sensuality rather than his own. He clearly needs her to temper his own imbalances. But it can’t be sustained. (Hope Hicks leaving the side of Trump is a good example).
So he feels cut off, and he is angry. He wants to be able to experience what she does so naturally and he doesn’t have a clue how to do that for himself.
He knows that he can’t sustain his power and control without drinking from the reservoir of the feminine. But it’s a dependency that he can’t sustain indefinitely. Something has to give.
So when he sees her becoming more vocal, more interested in expressing and sharing her own strengths, he is more threatened than ever. She doesn’t seem to need him. She is self-contained. She seems to have it all, the intelligence, the sensuality and the command of the ethereal.
A very frightening realization for the patriarchal male.
So now he must double down, and try harder to suppress the feminine. But of course, all he is doing is suppressing a vital part of himself. And doing that only makes him feel more vulnerable, even more vulnerable than women feel in a world that doesn’t feel safe to her as a woman.
And here comes the overcompensation. Become more stoic, get more guns, and step up the sexist rhetoric. And while you’re at it, sprinkle in some racism, homophobia, and xenophobia.
There, that ought to do it.
Although if that doesn’t work, there is always the seduction, plying her with gifts and promises of undying love as long as she is an extension of you and doesn’t stray too far personally, socially or politically from the good woman role.
MOVING BEYOND THE ANGER
Women are understandably very angry right now for the cumulative effects on their bodies, emotions and lives of being treated as second class citizens, as less than full human beings on this Earth for an eternity.
But eventually moving out of the anger is essential. To recognize that she herself has embodied the misogyny to a degree, for survival purposes. And then to move past that as well.
To go beyond her story, to an awareness of who she really is. Which goes beyond even her gender.
A while back I heard a channeled message that said that some of the bravest of souls were those who incarnated as women. At the time it didn’t impress me. Having lived as a woman for so long, I didn’t think of myself as brave. Especially in a culture that espoused men as brave and women as weak and needing protection from men, by men.
But of course my life is testimony to that bravery, as with so many other women.
Some of us are here now in a new capacity. To no longer serve as the old, outdated concept of a woman, but as the bringer of a new balance. A much-needed balance on a patriarchal planet.
To share her strength, wisdom and broader perspective. And, yes, her sensuality. To not compromise that part of herself any more. To help teach that self-love includes embracing ones sensual nature, and doesn’t include pain or sacrifice.
THE ULTIMATE WOMEN’S LIBERATION
Being the new role models as women is no longer about trying to be equal to men in the world. It’s just being HERSELF in the world. Not trying to prove she is as strong, or as capable as her male counterparts. Putting away her innate attributes to be just as competitive, or aggressive or mentally focused as men.
Because that only perpetuates the mental masturbation that the patriarchy loves to pride itself on, but just leaves it going in circles.
And in that place, everyone and everything just remains very stuck. Very trapped.
It’s no longer about the feminine trying to fit herself into a man-made world, or world-view. And it starts with the feminine qualities outlined here going with her into the boardroom, the courtroom, the operating room, and wherever else she finds herself.
She will need to embrace more than ever the value in those qualities that have been demeaned, and derided and ignored. And it means believing in the way she sees life and the world, not acquiescing to the male perspective. Even in terms of her career, and where she fits into the business or political landscape.
One campaign ad put forth by a female political candidate has her breastfeeding on camera. A bold message, and a groundbreaking perspective, to say the least.
BALANCE AND CO-OPERATION
We could even do away with the term masculine and feminine, and just work with the respective qualities. The ability to sense energies, to be aware of subtle nuances, to use compassion (not sympathy or empathy, there is a difference). To be able to see all sides, to see things from a broader perspective.
To be more open, and accepting, and allowing,
So everyone benefits from the balance of qualities. The feminine isn’t there in the boardroom to take anything away from the masculine. But to work alongside him, in co-operation with him. He is not diminished by her presence.
And when he recognizes the benefits, he will no longer feel a need to dominate her ‘space’ with talking over her, lewd remarks, or worse. He will allow himself to take down the wall. He will begin to embrace his own grace, compassion and vulnerability.
He will finally understand the meaning of self-love.
© Copyright 2018 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content within others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers, http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com
50 thoughts on “What Exactly Is So Threatening About the Feminine?”
Maria, thank you for this post. I’ll just briefly explain my last 24 hours. Yesterday I sent an e-mail to my ex asking if he would take ‘our’ cat for a couple of weeks so that I could go on a holiday knowing that said cat is safe. I received a long e-mail back with words to the effect that ex was doing well, very happy, enjoying himself… and he owed it all to some guy that goes by the name of Sandman who has a youtube website titled, “MWGTOW”. I wrote back that I was happy for ex and that yes, it is important to learn self-love as only then can we truly respect, honor and love both the masculine and feminine of another. I thought no more of it, went to bed, and this morning, as ex had suggested I do yesterday evening, I checked out this “MWGTOW” website… Men Who Go Their Own Way. Holy crap. This is THE most woman-hating website I’ve ever come across. I watched only about the first three minutes of one video and had to get out of the site. All of today I have been shocked by the depth of my ex’s anger and hatred. I had absolutely no idea he was even capable of identifying with such a misogynist as this Sandman. And of course, as you say, men are losing their grip (control) and it is so very obvious that their anger is their fear. I have no guilt about my ex’s anger, nor do I want to try to help him. All I can say is that a 20-year relationship hid something that would not have surfaced had I not chosen to love myself enough to stop sacrificing my life for his. Brave indeed we are. Love, B.
Barbara….yeah, it is amazing how we didn’t ‘see’ the truth of who these people were, and, at least for me, this whole meeToo movement helped me to see much more clearly. But I sense the whole new upsurge of feminism is a byproduct of the Divine light coming into the planet.
I briefly checked out the website and wow, right, it’s just another misogynist platform. And, I don’t want to upset you, but this is NOT the most woman hating website out there. I have seen some things….and, incidentally some of the worst offenders are from right leaning evangelicals.
And BRAVO about not having any guilt about the ex’s anger, and understanding that at this point, he’s on his own.
The thing about misogyny is that it can also be disguised as the nice guy too. They say things that can leave us confused, because we are not sure if it was an insult or a compliment. Like men cherishing women and wanting to protect them. (like fine bone china).
On its face it sounds benign, yet why does it make me cringe?
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing your experience. So did he agree to babysit the cat for you?
He agreed, but I won’t be allowing cat to go to ex’s place, and hold on, here comes my humor, because ex might boil the cat… hat tip to Elila’s bunny-boiling reference. But honestly, I do not trust the man after revealing his anger/fear and will not put into his care a little being that I hold dear to my heart. And yes, I agree that all things will be revealed in the Divine Light and thank Goddess for that! Love, B.
Yeah, Barbara, and that makes sense….after I thought about it, I realized no, of course she wouldn’t allow him access to the cat. It’s an interesting dynamic to watch, as the feminine frees herself from holding energies for the masculine and to see then how he handles that.
Personally, and globally it seems like that’s what’s happening now.
Barbara–laughed so hard at your awesome humor–i wouldn’t let my cat be stuck (“steeped”?–even metaphorically lol) in that kind of energy field either!! I sure know what you mean about things being hidden in someone we have been involved with. I look back now and am so shocked at my partner choices–i doubt that any of them would even get to a second date now–many of them not even a first! And it’s also amazing to me that a few of the men being called out by the metoo movement are ones I wouldn’t suspect and have really surprised me. But of course I don’t know any of them personally lol. I really resonate with what Maria says about misogyny sometimes being disguised as the nice guy–have seen much too much of that.
Maria–as usual I love this post and you always are able to frame things in such a clear and beneficial way for me & I just appreciate you so very much! Love to you both!!
Hey Elila….yep, in hindsight, I can see how the ‘nice guy’ trope plays no different because at the end of the day, he still feels entitled to what he wants from the woman, because, after all, didn’t he show her how nice a guy can be?
He made an ‘investment’ in her and wants his return.
Love back to you my friend. 🤗💕💕💕
YESSSSSSSSS Maria exaaaaactly! Especially with the ex husband, it feels like “nice guy” was a card he played, his trump card so to speak (pun unintended but appropriate nonetheless 😝). And he always meticulously kept up the facade with family and friends so that if anything were ever amiss then I was the one immediately blamed–cuz he’s such a sweet guy right?? It must be that SHE’s a demanding witch. So it was also kind of like a shield for him. I think he sort of believed he could be as rotten and cruel in private with me as he wanted (& since he was so careful to never show any bad behavior to others, it would bottle up and build pressure and guess who he’s explode on…) as long as he kept that act up in public he was golden and I would always be the bad guy. Interestingly my parents both did the same with me, making me their emotional dumping ground, and then others would never believe my experience. And I see others in my family using the same “trick” to avoid blame or judgement. So yep I can see now that in some cases ‘nice guy’ has a catch and can be another manipulative mechanism to make a woman ‘behave’ and to undermine her word or integrity. Tricky how insidious sexism and control are. And how wonderful that so many lights are coming on to expose it!
PS to any truly genuine nice masculines who may be reading –fear not as many feminines are reaching or have reached the point where they can FEEL the difference…. & trust their feelings! And as I write this it occurs to me that any gender preferences or pairings benefit from and probably are at least beginning to be able to recognize in others a balanced feminine/masculine ….
I just spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to put that in words lol, so I hope it makes some kinda sense?
Makes perfect sense, Elila. Reminds me of an emotionally abusive relationship I was in years ago. To most people outside, to the relatives, neighbors and friends, he seemed like a wonderful and fun loving man. And in some ways, he was. But behind closed doors, to his daughter, and to me, we were the targets of the rage and disrespect.
It took years for me to finally extricate myself from that relationship, and afterward, I felt really empty. I didn’t realize how much I had allowed myself to be fed off of. All in the name of wanting to be protected from the outside world.
What a price to pay.
Oh Maria yes, a hundred times yes, to everything you say here. I too felt so empty and so “done”. And for a long time had to process anger at myself for not valueing myself more, for not standing up for myself, for not walking away MUCH earlier on when the signs presented themselves and only got clearer and more aggressive, and for caring at all what anyone else thought–for constantly seeking the validation that continually eluded me, for continually second guessing myself and thinking it must be ME bcuz everyone else thought he was so great….oh my the unbearable price of it all. It took years to process. It was hard because being treated that way was my ” normal” from day one with parents and just kept on coming with others until i woke up lol. Now I can look back and see the powerful lesson of needing to TRUST myself and my feelings no matter what it looks like to anyone else. I needed to learn to love myself first, best, and unconditionally before I could ever find respect from another. I also needed to find my own balance within before it could be reflected back to me by another, before i could attract someone who is also balanced and does not need to emotionally vomit on another. And now that whole “behind closed doors” crap would prompt me to unhesitatingly head for the other side of said doors lol!
Reblogging to sister site Success Inspirers World 🏆
Thank you, Ana. 💕
Today, I am at the stage… and literally, that’s what it is, an Earth 3D duality stage where we each play our parts… of honoring or dishonoring the bravery of both the male and the female, because without both I would not know myself. Both male and female have given me the opportunity to learn and thus choose my own identity, and perhaps there is no other way to become creators than to have experienced all of the hurts and insecurities of both to arrive at what is most important to each individual. And so I thank them… that does not mean that I negate the individual hurts of the genders… hopefully, it means that I am beginning to ‘get it’. Damn, this is one long road, and if all else fails… thank you, Elila, for appreciating my humor…. I shall resort to that humor time and time again, so that eventually… the Earth 3D duality stage becomes the Jester. Love to this community. B.
Barbara you have expressed this nicely and i can now look back and be grateful too without excusing the hurts. And lady I so get it about our humor–its the last coping mechanism I have left and I shall employ it over and over……without it I doubt I’d EVER have made it this far…..
Love right back to you dear B.
Agreed… “without it I doubt I’d EVER have made it this far”… read some interesting lines today in Jose Arguelles’, “Surfers of the Zuvuya” as Jose converses with his fourth dimensional “Uncle Joe”:
“… stay on your course.”
“But, Uncle Joe, what do you mean by my course?”
“That’s simple, Bud. Your course is staying in your integrity.”
“That’s easy to say. But what is my integrity really?”
“Your integrity is the sum total of all of your imperfections…”
“My imperfections?” I cut Uncle Joe off, blustering and not a little insulted.
“Yes, your imperfections. Because they are what you’re trying to hide all the time. And when you’re trying to hide them, well, you’re not you. You’re not in your truth. You’re not in your integrity.”
“See the great irony is this: each one of us alone is nothing and everything. We’re nothing because obviously there’s more to the whole entire universe than us. We’re not even a speck on a fly’s rump compared to the rest of this universe. And yet, we’re all we know.”
“You see, all we know about the universe comes through our infinitesimally minute being. And this being itself, with its warts and all, is our gift. It’s our existence itself. It’s all we have to give, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it. YOU shouldn’t be ashamed of it. When you’re completely accepting of yourself, then you’re in your integrity. Then you can exist…….”
And so, dear Elila, I shall make us both colorful gypsy dresses with bells on every seam and we shall become the first female Jesters, with our humor and our integrity including warts and all, and if the infinitesimally minute beings ‘out there’ don’t get it, well, at least we’ll make them shake their heads and maybe smile.
And a PS… and maybe instead of being WTF’s, we’ll be WF’s… wise fools! B.
Barbara I love this story snippet. I love having examples and new ways to frame a concept–im a big fan of “anecdotal evidence”! This gave me delicious food for thought. “…humor and integrity warts and all…”—-wise fools indeed!!!
(I must admit to acronym ignorance –not sure what a WTF is?)
@Maria and Elila:
” I can see how the ‘nice guy’ trope plays no different because at the end of the day, he still feels entitled to what he wants from the woman, ”
Those are the guys that complain that they are be into the “friendzone” by women because they are supposedly being “too nice” to them, as women (so they claim) want arseholes who treat them like shit.
Fucking hate these whiny idiots. As if by being nice they are entitled to a woman’s love/affection/sex. I don’t understand how they don’t get that attraction is made of something entirely different than (just) “being nice”. And they are not really nice at the end of the day are they? They are just calculating
Oh boy, Kat, don’t get me started. Don’t. Get. Me. Started. Lol. That punishment worse than death called THE FRIEND ZONE which is another excuse created by those males to blame it on the woman. Whatever ‘it’ might be.
I have been accused of relegating a couple of males in my life to that ‘deplorable’ place. And it’s supposed to make us feel somehow guilty but I stopped taking the bait.
And the thing about sexism is it can be so very subtle that it goes unnoticed. It can be veiled in ways that make us believe that this person has our best interests at heart. Even if they are not abusive emotionally or physically. There is as you say a calculation, a subtle manipulation going on.
But all of that becomes moot now because we are awake and we can distinguish what is really happening from what we have been trained to believe. Even the old advice we were given by our mothers or whoever, to ‘give the guy a chance. He’s seems so nice,’. But meanwhile disregarding our own desires, which may include NOT wanting to engage with said man.
We as women are awakening to the realization that we were not put here on earth to satisfy the needs of men sexually, emotionally or romantically.
And I believe that realization will turn things around on this planet. I was thinking recently how absolutely stunning it is that the VERY FIRST thing that should have disqualified the current President of the United States of America was his attitudes and behaviors toward women.
If his comments in the Access Hollywood bus were racist in nature, instead of sexist, I think there would have been a different outcome to the election. Imagine, in response to those racist comments, his supporters saying, “Oh, that’s just white man talk”, (as opposed to locker room talk). Or those same supporters saying, “that’s not important in the scheme of things, I don’t expect my leader to be a Boy Scout.”
(Which is what his Evangelical support base says about him despite all the allegations of sexual assault toward women he has been accused of.). Would people shrug it off so quickly then? Probably not. And that, dear friends is called, a HUGE imbalance in favor of the toxic patriarchy.
I miss Obama.
“‘give the guy a chance. He’s seems so nice,’”
YES! That never ever made sense to me. Am I supposed to cross my own boundaries and be with someone I’m not attracted to at all, just because he is nice and “deserves a chance”? Ewww. I could never bring myself to do something like this.
“But meanwhile disregarding our own desires, which may include NOT wanting to engage with said man.”
It would never even occur to society to push men in situations like these. If they don’t want a woman there must be sth. wrong with her and noone would even think about telling men to “give her a chance, she seems like a nice woman”.
But women are supposed to disrgard their own wishes? No wonder so many countries still have forced marriages where a much older man chooses a much younger woman (in some cases still children) for him to marry. It never goes the other way round. Disgusting.
And what is astounding is these behaviors and attitudes have been embraced by both men and women for so long that most didn’t recognize the imbalance anymore. It was just part of life.
I find it so interesting that if you drill down, every social, or political issue known to humans, if you look beneath the surface, it originated from an imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies.
definitely! Balancing out both energies within ourselves would in fact remove all societal issues. Imagine how great life here would be.
Gaaah!!! Kat and Maria—don’t get ME started either!!!! Omg the friend zone. And clearly we are supposed to feel GUILTY for relegating poor ‘nice guys’ to it. Bah! As far as I’m concerned you are REAALLY LUCKY to even make it to my friend zone in my world! I have a fairly recent experience with this–a “super nice guy” that I ran into a couple years ago that I’d gone to school with. Everything on the surface supported the ‘niceguy’ label. But the more I talked to him the more I realized he wasn’t really listening to me at all. One day we happened to encounter a close friend of mine (Doug) who shocked me the next day when I saw him by saying “you HAVE to MARRY that guy!” Now Doug had never before said anything of that nature and we never discussed such things as dating (other than the fact that neither of us was interested in it and that we were both perfectly happy solo. We had much better topics of conversation.) He was pretty adamant about it too, excited even, and began thinking out loud as to how to make it happen…..I immediately said no way in hell, not gonna happen. I had a million reasons (the least of which was that this guy was already engaged to another woman). But the main one was that I could FEEL this intense NEEDINESS emanating from him despite an act/evidence to the contrary. AND he didn’t listen. And and and….oh and he had some sneaky control issues–like id been CRYSTAL clear that I had no interest in a relationship with ANYONE, so he would pretend to respect that but then he would go to give me a hug but then try to steal a kiss on the lips –I didn’t see THAT coming but I still managed to turn my head. And he tried same thing another time and long story short I couldn’t even allow this guy into the friend zone in the long run. Even though still on the surface he never betrayed the ‘super nice sweet guy’ act. Crikey I’m annoyed just thinking about it! He came over one day after I’d specifically asked him not too and he of course charmed my mother (another tactic of the nice guy–charm her friends and family and they will say “give the guy a chance…”.). So now Doug AND my mother are enchanted while I am furious that he is crossing clear boundaries AND feeling manipulation. It was a great lesson in trusting myself and not bowing to the opinions of others around me! And I’m still so glad I experienced it and “stuck to my guns” and shut down even the idea of a friendship. So Kat, you hit the nail on the head with the term CALCULATING! I would not have been able to articulate it as such at the time but I could sure FEEL it. It felt tactical almost, like being oh so subtly railroaded. He, to me, was clearly not a balanced person and I was not interested at all and did not cave to pressure. I trusted my OWN feeling above all else and I’m so grateful I did! Not a single whiff of regret. And Maria you are so right that it’s so subtle and accepted that others don’t even notice. Everything you say in your response to Kat is spot on and I have experienced the same. And Kat you are so right–it never goes the other way round. Man I am so HAPPY to be awake enough that I didn’t have to go through another bad relationship to realize I should have trusted mySelf from the get go!!! (See I wasn’t kidding when I told Barbara above that I love me some anecdotal evidence LOL)
(And I totally agree with you both that it’s up to each individual to balance their own energies within and that if that happens societies ills would disappear!)
Well said, Elila, and Maria and Kat, too, about the ‘subtle’ manipulations, and when we realize them, Elila, we may use the term “WTF”… which stands for “What the fuck?” That phrase can be employed in a variety of ways and it depends on the intonation as to the effect it will have on one’s own ‘take’ on a situation, slows one down and instead of leaping in and doubting our own feelings because we’re conditioned to think that others’ opinions must be right, we can say, “What the fuck?” and figure it out for ourselves. At least, that’s how I’ve come to use WTF. Helps me to balance on my road to Wise Fool. Love, B.
I like it , Barbara, WTF. it’s got teeth.
Aaaaaah OK barbara–THAT WTF I am familiar with!!! I was reading it as a noun in your comment above and thought it must be a different meaning. I like the way you are employing it!
Elila, I can relate to your experience. I have had similar ones and with an ex. I was trying to move on and sensed an imbalanced neediness, and disconnected from him, but he kept reappearing and said he was ok with just being friends, but then would try to plant the kiss or hug. And when I said, no, I wasn’t interested, he would say I was seducing him, giving mixed messages.
I think there was still some guilt on my part, and thought that I should give in to his needs. But over time I couldn’t do it, and was tired of the implications on his part that he was just responding to my alluring and seducing him.
After trying to move on several times, and him reappearing uninvited in my life several times, I realized that he was more concerned about satisfying his own emotional needs than my need to move on and heal.
But that would require him facing his own feelings of abandonment.
So kudos, Elila for recognizing your worth and being oh so very discerning about who gets to be your friend, or more.
” But the main one was that I could FEEL this intense NEEDINESS emanating from him despite an act/evidence to the contrary.”
That’s sth, that makes me run from a man instantly. Neediness is a big fat no. I ‘m glad you were strong enough to follow your own gut feeling and not listen to other people.
“It felt tactical almost, like being oh so subtly railroaded.”
Exactly. That’s so intrusive and disrespectful isn’t it? Someone like that doesn’t give a shit about your needs or emotions and would be a horrible partner. They would only use you for their own validation.
See now you guys totally GET it! Maria I can relate to your experience too. Have seen those things as well. Especially how a lot of men have this clever way of turning the blame? Do they have a handbook or something cuz it seems a bit evil genius to me LOL. This guy too kept showing up univited and unannounced, or would ‘run into me’ whilst I was out walking and decide to walk with me (others have asked to walk with me and I always politely decline because I need that time outdoors to myself as a sort of moving meditation/reset button). I told him from day one that if he wanted to walk we needed to arrange in advance–and he ignored me. I had to tell him very clearly and pointedly to NOT come to my home–he ignored that too. Interestingly one of the reasons I didn’t want him showing up there is because I KNEW my mom/family would fall for the whole nice guy bit (I mean hell if DOUG fell for it….) & harangue me to “give the guy a chance” and id once again be the bitch in their eyes! “Neediness” wasn’t something I could articulate at the time but I had a very clear impression/feeling that this guy was a feeder–that he needed/wanted something FROM me. And Kat you are so right that it felt intrusive and disrespectful!! Like those EXACT words. And violating. And I KNEW despite the image he was presenting that he’d be a horrible partner for me. But people don’t respect that knowing and say you’re too picky. My high school/college boyfriend told me a few years back that he couldn’t understand why I was still single. He said “your expectations are just too high”. I said you’re damn right they are and they get higher with every day that passes! I said ” you didnt ‘lower your standards’ to meet your wife, so why in the hell should I lower mine????” (Kat I think this is another one women hear all the time that men don’t. And the sad part is I’ve heard it countless times–FROM OTHER WOMEN.)
And yep, Maria, I have felt the guilt too and succumbed more times than I can count in the past, and took the hit. It was very confusing and I did so much second guessing–truly it’s exhausting to try to untangle. But now I know the shortcut and it’s FEELINGS. I think I can now bypass all that nonsense and just trust my gut.
I am really liking this conversation among us here–i feels like we are bringing a lot of crap out from the shadow and into the light. Stuff that most don’t even see or feel because it’s so normalized. And these types of interchanges feel quite necessary, strengthening and vital for women (&men) to be having at this time.
Elila, I love these conversations, too. They get to the heart of things, to what we are feeling on a very personal level, yet a universal level, especially as women. And it’s all tied in with our ascension process. It’s our own #ascension MeToo Moment.
We were so used to allowing others to feed off of us that we no longer recognized how it was eroding our joy and affecting our bodies. It’s like a huge lightbulb was turned on for me in the past couple of years.
And the predominant feeling was that I was not being heard. Like you say, not being listened to. And it’s at the heart of the movement worldwide of women finally coming out of the shadows and saying, my voice counts.
But I guess it takes a village. One woman standing up for herself apparently wasn’t enough to hold men accountable for their behaviors.
So, I kept telling an ex of mine that I didn’t want to be in the relationship, or really any relationship because I was devoted, at least for now, to the relationship with myself and my soul.
Well I may as well have said I was joining a cult. To him, and to probably most people, it meant I was taking a break from the relationship, or that I was playing hard to get.
The very idea that a woman really isn’t interested in a significant other just doesn’t compute.
And right, it is exhausting to try to disentangle from all the second guessing ourselves and from their energies, and the solution, as you nicely put it….
“But now I know the shortcut and it’s FEELINGS. I think I can now bypass all that nonsense and just trust my gut.”
And that’s what we are teaching our sisters. To be bold enough and self loving enough to trust ourselves no matter what b.s. we are being fed. And of course that includes the b.s. that our mind tries to feed us.
It is really the only way we are going to feel our freedom.
Me too with the lightbulb. I feel like in the past I gave so much of me to relationships and also had so many feeders that there was nothing left for me. And me too with saying I preferred to focus on my relationship with myself (wish I’d done it 30yrs ago!), and not only men not being able to compute that, but women too. My closest female friend even thought I was fooling myself and just “hiding”. Even she was not hearing me. Obviously an enormous difference between caredful discernment/self value and hiding (Of course this person jumped from one bad relationship to another and had never been solo for more than 5 minutes lol). I consider this extended time with ME the greatest gift I have ever given myself. I have learned so much and have been happier and more peaceful than I’ve ever experienced in partnerships with others. I am open to it in the future, but it will need to be something that enhances all the loveliness I’ve come to know on my own and doesn’t detract from it in any way. Like mutually energizing and in no way ennervating.
So interesting Elila, I too had a female friend who said almost the same to me, that because I wanted to be alone I was hiding and that friends are an important part of life. She said this because I was starting to drift away from out long time friendship.
But she was embroiled in one emotionally abusive relationship after another. And at that point in my life I had cleared those types of relationships with men, Eventually I knew we had to part ways, which was bitter sweet for me. and I was given an earful from her that I was a terrible friend for doing so, to put it mildly.
But it felt like we had grown apart and it wasn’t serving either of us to remain friends. I could see that she too wasn’t interested or ready to go within in any serious or meaningful way. Constantly keeping busy, and wanting a man in her life on some level.
Not to mention there was a lot of passive aggressive behavior toward me throughout our friendship.
And yes, it is the greatest gift we could ever give ourselves, to be with ourself and our soul in such an intimate and real way.
And right, if someone should come in to your life, it will be someone you will enjoy sharing yourself with, not someone you need to feel complete. World of a difference.
And being self-fulfilled in this way is testament to what leaving duality is all about.
Wow Maria same here–i had to step away from the friendship. She kept embroiling herself in emotionally abusive relationships, each one worse than the last. But she said at least she felt “alive” and that she was participating in life. I’ll use Barbara’s WTF here lol. She would become so depleted from these pairings and then want to talk about them endlessly to me and the vicariousness was wearing me out. I felt she had dropped to such a low vibration I couldn’t reach her anymore and it was starting to pull me down too, and at a time where I KNEW I needed every ounce of energy for myself (mom had just passed). I just couldn’t relate anymore and it was so hard because I had related to her more than anyone else before her and love her dearly. But the descending vibe she was choosing was simply too great a gap to bridge. I do not regret stepping back and feel sure that it was necessary for myself, probably for both of us. It is sad though. How interesting that once again we’ve had such similar experiences….💙💙💙. Now I find that the one place i can totally be myself with people that resonate and that I can completely relate to and feel energized and heard without feeding happening is right here with you my dearest Maria 😊💕.
Grateful Grateful Grateful
Nice to get confirmation, Elila, that this is something that isn’t so person, but is happening to others. Relationships are the hardest hit in the ascension process. As we raise our frequency, we just can’t compromise our joy anymore for anyone.
And yes, me too. Our friendship felt like it would last a lifetime. We had such a deep bond. I couldn’t believe I was having to let it go. But then I had to remind myself, and as you point out, that everyone is creating their own reality and on a deep level, she too needed to move on.
She pointed an angry finger at me for being the bad guy, but she needed this experience to feel her own sense of abandonment. It was just being played out through me.
The hardest thing for me was the guilt I felt around it, and so the above reminder is something I have been practicing. I didn’t abandon her, because she already felt abandoned.
And I am so happy to have you here my friend. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with all of us. 💕
Elila and Maria, you are telling my story, not only with my ex, but also with my best female friend. Neither ‘heard’ me and the final straw was when I received an e-mail from her berating me for… her words… “not taking responsibility for real life.” I wrote back that I was no longer willing to sacrifice my life for anyone, male or female, and that my spiritual life is the single most important responsibility that I have. And, there you go, more duality baggage left behind, though, yes, Maria, as you’ve mentioned elsewhere, I felt very empty and not sure for a long time and the word “bittersweet” came to my heart-mind often… still does, that word, ‘bittersweet’, but no longer for me, but for others. Love to you both, Barb.
That is so ironic, isn’t it, Barbara, that we are told we are not facing ‘reality?’ Your response was perfect. And I think partly they are incensed that a woman especially would have the audacity to choose herself over anyone else.
You’re kind of throwing salt in the wounds of those who don’t feel free because they insist on playing the victim game.
Oh well, they will thank us later. Haha😂
Maria and Barbara,
Wow this is something isn’t it? Not long before all that happened with the woman I mentioned above, my longest and dearest friendship (with a different woman) of almost 30 years ended with an angry, finger pointing, rage filled email from her, where she said basically the same thing as your friend Barbara. And there had been a shit ton of passive aggression hurled my way before that. Bittersweet is definitely the word I’ve used. And yep there was guilt. But like you so eloquently said Barbara, I’m not willing to sacrifice for ANYONE any more. My own peace balance and happiness are absolutely my number one priorities! And that has meant that all my close friendships, one by one, have now ended. But I do not feel alone or lonely ever, because now I hàve mySELF and dear spirit with me. AND….all of my wonderful pioneering friends here! I feel more fulfilled and loved now than I ever did in those lost relationships. None of it was easy, there was much heartbreak, but hindsight shows me how necessary it all was for all involved. And logically it must have created some sort of vacuum for new, more balanced friendships to come to me when I’m ready. Love to you both– you are immeasurably valued 💙….and HEARD.
Oh and Maria I DEFINITELY have felt that “how dare you choose yourself first!” shiz many times–like who do you think you are? Why should YOU get to put yourself first when the rest of us are struggling and sacrificing for everyone else and doing what we are SUPPOSED to do…..you think you’re SPECIAL or something?
Actually, yep, I do. 😊💕
Hear you, Elila, and today I’m thanking my ex’s for pushing me out of the sacrificial 3D duality dance, especially as there is no way to explain ascension symptoms to someone who doesn’t experience them. I mean, my ex’s would be calling an ambulance every second day or having me fitted for a white jacket with very long sleeves. Balance beams everywhere! Love, B.
As I reread this delicious conversation today, a thought keeps poking up that finally I thought I’d write down and share… It occurs to me that, for me at least, the “friend zone” may just be a prerequisite, or necessary portal so to speak, for any potential romantic involvement going forward. I mean, what could be more of a turn on than a balanced guy who is in no way resentful of the friend zone, who allows himself to enjoy it and appreciate it for what it is without needing to whine or pressure or ‘get more”, and just wants to hang out with you whether or not it ever goes further? Or would such a creature have to have a sparkly horn protruding from his forehead lol…..
That would be nice, Elila….but it would definitely have to be someone who has the same desire as you to awaken and to own his feminine. No horn necessary. Lol. 💕
Loved re-reading this today Maria. As I was going through our convo here again I felt another point poking up–the fact that as women we are so pressured, especially after a certain age (like when your no longer 23, hot or [CRINGE] “doable”–UGH) , to accept with gratitude ANY male attention that comes your way. That we’re pushed to ” take what we get and like it” (God I certainly heard THAT relentlessly from moment I was born…). That we should be grateful that as we age we get any sort of interest at all because our value dries up with our youth/attractiveness. That we don’t get to choose and that we should forever be in a state of auditioning, of “PICK ME!!!! PLEASE PICK ME!!!!!”. So in my story above of the ” super nice guy”, I was supposed to be thankful that ANY man showed interest and accept gratefully and unquestioningly because hey the offers really get to be few and far between at your age….. UGH. Yuck!!!!!!!!
I say that I am more of a treasure now than I ever was in my blind misguided youthful hotness LOL
“Youth is wasted on the young” has never been more true! If I were to do it over, knowing what I know now, look out world!
Oh please, that old trope, of the old maid….is so Neanderthal. And yet, it continues to live on in our culture. But what is ironic is that those who subscribe to it, who talk about someone being ‘doable’ are such boneheads, and anyone with any self respect wouldn’t be caught dead with them.
Enter Donald Trump and his entourage of Barbie doll women….his wife and daughter look like mannequins, and seem to have as much depth. Trump couldn’t handle a real woman.
Although Melania has been showing signs that there is a real person underneath….her recent issue with her kidneys….which BTW, is an issue that has to do with repressed anger at an intimate partner. Holding back the rage. Hmmmm.
But, anyway, yes, me too. I was conditioned to feel like I was damned lucky to land a man, so why am I being choosey?
And yes, you are a beautiful and magnificent being, and this planet is lucky that you are here. And that is not an ego motivated statement, it’s fact. And unless you have already noticed you are attracting attention, from both men and women, who feel your light and that light is very attractive.
Yet, you now know that their desire to be with you doesn’t mean you want to be with them.
Youth IS wasted on the young!! I had no clue what kind of power I wielded at the time, or how to appreciate what I took for granted. It’s ridiculous. And yes I wouldn’t be caught dead with any person who felt the need to use the word “doable” to describe anyone–god it makes me cringe just typing it. Recently I saw an add for a new show, I think it was called “I Feel Bad”–which right there was a huge red flag turnoff. It obviously was short but in that minute or two was so much sexism and effed up shit I was stunned. Main character is a thirty something attractive woman, married, kids. One shot has her bending into the fridge and her father walks by and smacks her on the ass. When she turns around and both of them are surprised, he says I thought you were your mother, you look like her, you remind me of her…..and the woman is distraught seemingly not so much by her father touching her in this sexual way, but more by the implication that she looks old, that she could be mistaken for her mother God forbid. Another clip has her sitting down in a boardroom with mostly younger male colleagues and asking ” I’m still doable right?”
SERIOUSLY???????? I was utterly shocked. This is what people are watching and thinking is normal and taking their cues from? As if that president guy and his harem aren’t bad enough? Wow. Just WOW. (And you’re damn right he couldn’t handle a real woman–then again no real woman would have him).
I was also conditioned that I’d be lucky to land any man, AND that all my focus and effort should go towards “landing” one–that snagging your very own man was THE ultimate pride and prize, that somehow your life depended on it, so you gotta do whatever it takes! Holy. Fucking. Shit. Yeah that wouldn’t mess up a girl at alllllll…..
Soooo many years trying to undo and unlearn all the crap–seems so wastedful and inefficient.
I really don’t get much attention from men or women these days and I’m fine with that—spent so much of life getting attention that was uncomfortable and trying to make myself endure it that it’s an enjoyable relief now to be mostly under the radar. The attention I do get however is positive. Also enjoying being CHOOSEY! What a luxury that is after a lifetime of being told I didn’t have that option. As far as being a magnificent being…..well thank you my dearest Maria…..yes I am…..and it takes one to know one!!! The world IS lucky we are here!
Whew, Elila….has tv regressed that much?? It’s like the ‘joke’ in which the woman is called a ‘skinny, selfish air-headed bimbo.’ And her reaction is,…’all I heard was, ‘skinny.’
Idiocracy at its finest.
Now writers are using the lazy approach to comedy, in which they call out sexism, not trying to hide it, but framing it as being funny and harmless. Imagine if the jokes were racist instead. Would it be taken so casually?
No, of course not, nor should it be!
But then, art imitates life, and can’t get ahead of the consciousness on the planet, now could it?
And me too, Elila…it’s been a whole lot of reparenting of myself…slowly letting go of all the conditioning. But the recent meToo movement has helped me to unpack even more for myself in terms of what I have been putting up with vis a vis the toxic patriarchy.
And I also owe a big thanks to Donald Trump. He has helped me to see so much more clearly what my values are, and what the values of those around me are. It’s been tremendously enlightening. Someone who claims to support me as a woman couldn’t at the same time support a man who clearly endorses misogyny, in word and action.
OMG yes. I’m so fed up with womens’ worth and value being placed soley on skinny and doable. And young. And it’s not just men blathering this load of BS–women are perpetuating it too. It’s being passed on to the next generation through these pervasive attitudes & “jokes”–those female characters in TV shows are not benign humor, and young girls watching them and their mothers/sisters/aunties reacting to it and repeating it in their own lives……well good thing WE are here demonstrating another way/attitude. I cringe at what my teen niece has picked up. I’m so glad she has me as another example–even if she thinks I’m just “weird auntie” who doesn’t do life the way everyone else does, at least she has a solid example of an alternate way whether it appeals to her ever or not. Just being EXPOSED to someone like that (me) I feel is valuable –I would have loved to have an example of something else growing up even if I didn’t totally understand or agree. It feels like it would have opened something up or made the idea of being or doing something different not so frightening and more familiar/comfortable…..
And me too with the meToo movement (haha). I am very much enjoying watching (and having the example of) all these amazing brave strong women standing up for themselves and calling out unacceptable behavior and treatment. It’s so empowering and refreshing!!!! So much better than some chick on TV fretting about her “doability”. It gives me great hope that characters like that can be eclipsed and phased out eventually. Even if not, at least better, alternative examples are very much present and visible and being heard.
Yep, Elila, wouldn’t it have been great to have had role models like OURSELVES when we were young. I was watching a documentary on Nixon and what struck me was how it brought me back to the early 70s. And looking at the room full of politicians surrounding the then President, it struck me profoundly…they were ALL MEN. Middle aged and old white men. These were the people making decisions for women. How oppressive for the female gender it has been for such a long time.
Sexism and misogyny were so normalized that few of us recognized it consciously. And that’s why it’s so exciting to be alive now in this climate of so much change. So much awareness. It’s all about bringing in the feminine onto this planet.
What was missing? Yes, agreed sexism and misogyny were normalized for both male and female to the point that any hint of gentleness was taken as a sign of weakness. Gentleness within and without, taking the hit ourselves when we would not hurt the other… but when it is not recognized by the other, that is not a sign of our weakness, it is a sign that the other is still frightened. I liked the story of the CEO, Maria, very much. What the CEO didn’t realize was that his mentor’s power was her strength in her gentleness. Love, B.