Soulsoothinsounds's Blog

For those awakening divine humans

Intense Energy Influx


Image by Maria Chambers

I generally don’t post about energy influxes via the ascension since many websites and blogs cover that angle in-depth.  And how these influxes of light codes affects each of us can vary.  But it seems the last few days for many have been particularly difficult on the body and the mind and emotions.

I personally have felt exhausted and found it difficult to do anything much, except to rest and sleep.  Because I don’t get so strongly affected, these influxes come and go and I don’t notice much in the way of physical symptoms.  But this one has been particularly debilitating.  And since in general I don’t experience this so acutely, as I did a few years ago when the fatigue was almost chronic, I started taking it personally.  I blamed it on my age, on what foods I was eating, maybe I had a disease or two.

Or at the very least, I thought I was coming down with a really bad cold or flu.  Lots of achiness, in the shoulders and neck, head and sinus area, even the gums were achey.

My mental state before the influx wasn’t great either, because I was going through a disconnected feeling and even felt a bit hopeless about this whole process.  So it’s no surprise that the light just intensified those emotions.  That’s what light does.

And then we see in the news a flare of suicides, which makes one wonder if they too were affected by the light, even if they were not aware as we are about it.

So I wanted to just mention this and remind anyone who is affected, not to take it personally.

For myself after the intense fatigue, I felt much better and lighter in terms of my darker emotions.  These energies are supposed to be clearing out old stuck mental and physical energies, and bring us up frequentially, and maybe that’s exactly what they are doing.

As much as we grow weary of this process and wonder if there is an end point where we are done, recalibrated and can feel confident that we will not be blindsided by these energies….well, I can’t personally answer the when but I know that yes, there is an end point.

Image by Maria Chambers

But what I can say is that not taking it so personally does seem to help, at least for me.  Not thinking something is wrong or that you have done something wrong. That’s the mind trying to seduce us with more resistance.

If any of you want to weigh in with your own personal experiences the past couple of days, or at other times when you have felt the intensity of these light encoded energies, I’m sure others would benefit from your perspective.

Regardless of how we may feel, the light is benevolent.  It is actually us.  We are not really separated from it.  Those of us who are going through the most intense experiences have chosen this lifetime for our enlightenment, and we were not willing to wait two or three or more lifetimes.

But meanwhile, what a ride!

© Copyright 2018 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content within others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers,

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Almost a decade later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

139 thoughts on “Intense Energy Influx

  1. Hi Maria! wonderful post!! Long time no chat but I follow your blogs!

  2. What a ride indeed and OMG it is so intense and I sometimes wonder just how long I can hang out on the ride and what keeps me here is my 26 year old son AND the awareness that since I want this to be my last incarnation on Earth EVER- I must stay the course- that said- it is harder by the day! Bless you and keep writing- even if you don’t get comments- WE ARE READING!

  3. Started sleeping more yesterday and have slept most of today. Better that, though, than the headaches/head pressures/neck & shoulder issues that have been so bad over the past year.

    I also take it personally when I get hit by the energies (which is pretty much always) & my information pretty always says that I didn’t do anything wrong & but neither is there much I can do about the symptoms.
    Hope you’re right about an end point. I just finished year 9 of this and desperately want to feel like a human again.

    • Naomisilverart, yes, of course it’s easy to say don’t take it personally, except when one feels like they have been beat up and there is no end in sight of symptoms. I have vowed to check out a few times myself over the course of time. And I will say that I will not stay here if there isn’t an end point within a reasonable amount of time.

      But like you, I feel hell, I have come this far, gone through so much, why leave now? But these carbon based bodies sure feel like a burden at times.

      If I ever do come back, I would as a soul infuse myself into one of those nanotechnology bodies. No ancestral contamination, easy to replace parts, and the ability to turn them off when we want to leave. The best of all worlds. Especially if we can bypass puberty altogether. Hahaha.

      • Hahahah bypass puberty!!!!! YES PLEASE!!!! AND for the love of pete–MENOPAUSE……..

        Naomisilverart I feel you on the wanting to feel human again–if I had a dollar for every time I wished that to myself –well I’d be able to kill two of my gripes with one stone LOL

        • Oh, Elila, how can I forget menopause, although I try to. Haha. And I am serious about the printed bodies…I believe they will be here and it will become an option along with th traditional birt canal type of entrance. These bodies were a great biofeedback system when we were still needed that, but you reach a point as a soul in which you say that it should be much easier.

          We can come in and have a body that immediately reflects our consciousness. Of course I think I’ll wait till science irons the bugs out. You know, no exploding heads or anything like that.

          • Haha yeah doing menopause AND ascension is a SPECIAL gift that just keeps on giving LOL LOL.
            I am more and more liking your idea about the nanotech bods–even though we don’t remember the birth canal entrance it really seems like it’s gotta be unpleasant for all involved, really messy, and room for improvement …..perhaps it could be more like a Hertz lot where you select the vehicle with the features you like and drive away, and if it breaks down (or the head blows off haha) a rep brings a new one to swap into…..”a body that reflects our consciousness” well isn’t THAT just a pie-in-the-sky completely crazy expectation! (sarcasm, Sheldon). Perfect example of the kind of thing Kat and I were just saying about how does one “feel into” something one has never experienced? Lol

          • Yup, menopause + acsension. Seems like some sort of cosmic joke! 😦

      • Ha! Sounds like a plan! Yup, I’m so much been there, done this. Something has to give sooner or later. Wouldn’t be much point in a bunch of lightworkers perpetually suffering.

  4. Holy shit Maria I just hit post on my comment over on your other article about how I was really feeling the energies today (and last couple days) and having a very IDGAS day, then went to kitchen to make a smoothie and was standing there in front of the blender as it whirred thinking man I REALLY AM feeling SHITTY today–head hurts, nausea, fatigue, achey, and for sure the darker cranky emotions –and I come back and see you have posted this! How validating, comforting, and in a way hilarious–altho I certainly would not wish this shiz on you or any of my lovelies here–its a bit reassuring to know I’m not alone in this weirdness!
    I was also wondering to myself if anyone else was experiencing a particular phenomenon that has become more frequent and noticeable for me lately and musing about possibly asking my peeps here, and this topic segues right into it for me to do just that. I had a big family event yesterday, and noticed yet again and even more glaringly how difficult it’s becoming for me to communicate in 3D? When I am speaking/writing with you all here I am usually relatively articulate, although sometimes it can take me forever to put a comment together, I can mostly express myself satisfactorily. But I am having a helluva hard time doing that “in real life” these days! I suddenly get tongue tied and fumble with words, lose my train of thought, cant think of simple words, forget what I’m trying to say or be unable to express it–i get all muddle headed and sound ridiculous and its frustrating and baffling to say the least!
    And yes same as you mention I question my age, diet, health, blahblahblah. But yep i feel these energy blasts and yes they make me feel crap but there IS a part of me now that knows and assumes that oh here we go again with another upgrade so buckle up (“please keep your hands and feet inside the car until the ride has come to a complete stop”….) and this part of me also knows it’s temporary, that it’s another round of releasing old junk, but wow–crazy ride for sure. I don’t necessarily need all to be rainbows and unicorn breath tomorrow, but I’d be really (REALLY) happy to experience measurable improvement once in a while–some quantifiable small improvement– like money beginning to at least trickle in or a few pounds released for example would go a long way towards my ability to keep on keeping on LOL
    In the meantime……
    IDGAS 😁😉😝

    • Elila,
      That is amazing! I feel like we are getting more and more connected with each other, and like you say, less so with those in the 3D world. Me too, with the word salad that sometimes comes out of my mouth. Even simple things like the barista asks me how I am and I can barely say, “fine and you?”

      And more and more I try to dodge my neighbors, which are all very nice people. But I just don’t want to do the small talk.

      I love your amusement part ride reference. Perfect. And “you must be this crazy to ride this ride.” Hahah.

      And yes, it would be nice to see a modicum of physical improvement to reflect the emotional load lightening. It feels like we have made huge strides in our consciousness, and yet, these bodies and our physical reality seem to be lagging behind for sure.

      IDGAS, indeed! 💕💕💕💕

      • Oh Maria this has me thigh slapping and laughing out loud. Word salad!!!!! YES!! That is so IT. And word salad sounds so much better than the “verbal diarrhea” my mind conjured lol lol. (Shall I THROW polite TMI discernment to the wind and MENTION the OTHER kind of diarrhea, alternating with constipation and incessant peeing that ALSO seems to accompany these fun energy blasts? [she asked in her best Chandler Bing voice….]).
        I’m imagining a picture of the two of us wild-haired & pulling faces next to the “you must be this crazy” sign to illustrate the requirement for those contemplating a spin lol lol.
        I think you are so right about us connecting more and more, and yes I’m avoiding the neighbors too! I even had two family graduations to attend yesterday and managed to bow out of one of them–phew! I feel like somewhere during this process I switched languages and while I can still decipher what’s said in 3D it’s getting harder and harder to express in that old language that doesn’t seem to want to come out of my mouth in any discernible order….it’s like trying to say please pass the salt and all that comes out is “I, well, um, turtled the bean corner, you know, wood thingy, it’s like, corn window……”
        And thank you SO much for that last paragraph, because that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say–that it feels like all these leaps and bounds I have made are not reflected for me anywhere and it’s like the longest lag time ever and just the teensiest bit alarming LOL
        Again I’ll use Barbara’s WTF????

        • LOL Elila with “it’s like trying to say please pass the salt and all that comes out is “I, well, um, turtled the bean corner, you know, wood thingy, it’s like, corn window……”

          You quack 🦆 me up!

    • Thanks. I really needed your indepth awesome response. I get so tired of this crap and sometimes it’s just good to call it out for what it is. Cheers!

  5. Awesome post. Yeah and I agree with the others here: I ask myself daily how much longer I can go on. On all levels: physical, mental, and emotional.

  6. Our physical bodies are definitely saying “WTF” and doing their best to adjust, especially, Maria, just as you say, “… these bodies and our physical reality seem to be lagging behind for sure.” I remember well the very first time I was hit with ascension symptoms. 1997… panic attack supreme. Doctors did what doctors do as I was delivered in an ambulance to the hospital and while driving there, I said to the paramedics, “Please turn off the siren. I’m not dying here, I’m experiencing.” A few months later, I find myself lying on the bathroom floor wondering if it was food poisoning… nope… pure exhaustion from taking in ‘the energies’. And almost every day since then I’ve been hit. That does not make me special, that makes me exhausted!

    Today as I read your earlier post, I thought, well, I don’t know what to say in a comment, because, truthfully, at this stage I really don’t give a shit what the masculine thinks, emotes, or runs away from as he meets the gentle strength of the feminine. I’m too damn busy wondering whether I’ll make it through the day. My sleep pattern is so out of a whack, I’m not sure that I get any sleep at all and when I do, dreams are all about stuff that make no sense.

    Just a note that I cannot handle any great amount of protein at present…. fruits, veggies, some light beer to make me BURP and I wear very loose clothes!

    Thank you for this post, Maria. And by the way, age makes no difference. When we’re meant to ride these waves, and know that we are, we don’t really have a choice… and that brings me right back to free will.

    Love to all in this wonderful community, those who comment and those who don’t. I HEAR YOU! B.

    • Yes Barbara! Preach!
      Feel ya on all this–especially the sleep nonsense (same here) and the food and loose clothes ….omg. Is “free will” the new “jumbo shrimp”? Lol
      Love back to you sister!

    • Barbara, wow, you were super aware back in the late nineties. Your ‘I’m not dying, I’m experiencing” is testimony to that!

      I think for me too, I’m not craving as much protein either. I seem to want lighter foods, more carbs. Important to trust it. The body knows what it needs through this process. But always room for chocolate.🤗

      • Yes me too with the lighter foods. Been craving and only able to handle salads and fruit smoothies for almost two weeks! You would think pounds would be melting off but noooooooo…..😒😒😒

        • Just started weight lifting (in addition to the cardio & yoga) to see if I can get rid of some of the weight. We’ll see if it helps to stabilize my body with these constant influxes as well.

      • Chocolate……yeah……aaah, mmmmm

    • Dear Barbara,

      I agree… will, humph!! I keep coming back to that too. I’m too exhausted to get into it today, but I have an article on my blog you might like, re “free” will. Ditto on the sleep, carbs, loose clothes…

      .’That does not make me special, that makes me exhausted!’ Brilliant and too true, can’t feel ‘special’ when you can’t get off the sofa!!!

      I was filming some young friends’ album launch last week, album called ‘Wolf is at the Door’ (very in-touch youth, I know)…..the title song goes, the Wolf is at the Door……and he blows the House down…. Jeez, MY ‘house’ is getting blown down, for sure! Love Gail xxx

  7. Thank you, Maria, for writing this. Been feeling so defective lately. Suddenly inept and just, absent. Example: Planning ahead to make cupcakes for a birthday celebration. Thought I’d need to pick up a mix and a can of frosting — and eggs for the mix. Maybe 3 days later (fortunately, before shopping), I finally remembered that I make cupcakes and frosting from scratch — have done so multiple times — and don’t need eggs. Many similar incidents, clumsy and messing up. Not only having difficulty speaking, but writing as well. And I’m a writer. So crazy! Mental chatter has ramped up lately too.

    Unfortunately, sleep is hard to come by. Friday was a complete fog with a side of feeling untethered. I’m also having increasing trouble keeping my place in time — what day it is, feeling like more than one day has passed in a single day though hours speed by, and more. (Using lots of notes and calendar reminders.) Feeling cut off, as well: no clear inner communication — and what I see “out there” lately has mostly been ticking me off.

    I do think, at times, that leaving would be better and just skip the next round, planet, whatever.

    Elila, I’m with you on menopause and ascension at the same time. Who thought that was a good idea?! The personal furnace, which has been going on for years already with a stunning array of types, has intensified the last several days. Thought I might spontaneously combust! At least it ought to melt off a few pounds. No such luck.

    New moon, solstice, full moon all happening in successive weeks starting Wednesday, then we have an eclipse cycle with 3 eclipses instead of 2. Hold on to your hats!

    • Mari
      I can appreciate how you are feeling on just about all counts. And the days of the week and feeling like you are missing time. Like we are just out of step with the reality we knew. I look around my apartment and I feel like it’s home, it’s familiar, and like it’s just not me anymore all at once.

      You articulate it well, saying you feel cut off from your inner self and yet aren’t liking what you see out there. It’s a really uncomfortable place to be. We realize more and more that the gap is growing between ourselves and the world we reside in.

      And we need a more sustainable connection with our soul.

      The times when I do feel connected are amazing, and all the other issues don’t seem to matter one iota, and it feels like I want to be here. But then those times of disconnection, it’s awful. Every little thing that goes wrong…like the eggs…is really unacceptable.

      And I’m with you. There are times when it does feel like it would be better to just leave than to drag things out.

      And of course there is no shame in doing so. We are just as honored if we decide to make peace with leaving. We really just wanted to feel what it would be like to be here as our soul on a more intimate level than we have ever done before.

      But meanwhile, yep, hold onto your hats, indeed!

      • Thanks for the response and understanding. Right now, it feels like I’m in the void again. It’s a kind of relief after a crazy period, but there have been so many of these, too. I understand the need to integrate, to rest. Yet I keep seeing/reading to follow synchronicity, follow what’s presented, make a bold leap. Well, if something would show up, maybe I could do that! –So maybe this is preparation? Really hoping so, but again, after so many dangling carrots, it’s a bit tough to trust.

        I do howl about that, but also, I acknowledge my control issues. They *have* been coming up lately, even about small things, and maybe that’s what the messing up and general clumsiness are about. Get out of that rigid place. Better this than a serious illness or accident, for sure.

        Grateful for the space to talk about this stuff along with all the input and insight.

        • Oh Mari I sooo relate to all you have described. I couldn’t tell you what time it is and I have to constantly figure out what day it is–just lost with time & also feeling it speeding up to where a week seems to go by in a day. Mental chatter, forgetting things and having to keep notes (making a “mental note ” of anything seems to no longer be an option), always feeling behind somehow, no sleep–no matter how early I go to bed sleep refuses to come til after 3am if it comes at all, the personal furnace and thinking the weight should be melting off but alas, nope.
          Feeling cut off and ticked off and just wanting to LEAVE.
          And holy moly you really nailed a BIG one for me–the whole follow synchronicity bit–i have been saying the SAME damn thing!!!!! If some would SHOW UP for petessake I’d be more than happy to fricken jump!!
          You are right–so many dangling carrots, and yeah better this than illness/accident–but Jesus h. murphy haven’t we been contenting ourselves with the least of the evils for FAR too damn long now? Or worse feeling like there are no desireable options available? I would like to start having/getting to choose which option sounds/feels best from an array of NICE options, like ooooo out of these three amazing things which one sounds best? Instead of OK shit out of these two things which sucks the least?
          I feel ya sister!

          • Elila:

            “Jesus h. murphy haven’t we been contenting ourselves with the least of the evils for FAR too damn long now? Or worse feeling like there are no desireable options available? I would like to start having/getting to choose which option sounds/feels best from an array of NICE options, like ooooo out of these three amazing things which one sounds best? Instead of OK shit out of these two things which sucks the least?”

            Oh, yes. I so agree. But maybe that’s our resistance, as much as I hate to say it, preventing those better things because we (I, at least) keep saying: “Just these crappy choices?” I have such trouble breaking the pattern and *feeling* like I already have those wonderful, amazing things to choose from, especially after waiting so long, and also when those 3D frustrations flare up.

            Let go, let go, let go, let go. “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…”

            I appreciate your response, Elila. Not that I’m glad you’re having similar difficulties, but the validation helps. Thank you.

          • Yup I get what you are saying Mari– but at this point I don’t think it’s resistance necessarily–at least for myself I feel too exhausted and purged and laid bare to resist much of anything. And the whole concept of resistance is bringing up questions for me now and seems like a subtle trap–like if whatever you need or wish for isn’t flowing to you ” well it’s your own resistance”–and that makes me feel like it’s all my fault and that I’m doing it all wrong somehow and that I’m unaware of exactly how I’m fucking it up…….idk the resistance explanation just doesn’t fly for me anymore–like Kat and I were talking about over on the Angels Who Wanted Too Much post. And yeah we were also talking about how in the heck are we supposed to be able to “feel into” states or circumstances that we have never experienced before? I think we’d all like to feel better than we can ever remember feeling lol

          • Honestly, Elila, I don’t know what to think or believe anymore. So much feels contradictory to me in what various sources say about our roles in all this. I got involved in spiritual growth and clearing decades before I even heard the word ascension, yet it apparently isn’t enough if I’m not yet where I want to be.

            I wrote a much longer response, but I’m also in the apathy and IDGAF camp, just tired of it all and even of my own story. Nothing left to prove. It feels like there are as many directives in the spiritual community as in traditional religion, just as much should and supposed-to. Maybe the answer is to stop looking outside at all. Except, when it helps… it really helps.

          • Dear Mari, You are so right here….

            The ‘wisdom’ out there is all contradictory, regarding both what our roles are and how to exist. Yes, I feel we do have to look within, but easier said than done with the mindsets that have been drilled into us over our lives. We think we are looking within and, Lo and Behold, we find we are looking at another brainwash, which has sneaked in from without.

            Rather than trying so hard not to look outside, I found it helps to look wherever we look, but just be acutely aware that EVERYTHING that tries to make sense of anything IS an external (ie not from our Soul…which doesn’t need to make sense…) There are no answers, nobody knows the full extent of what is going on. Even less does anyone know any extent of what is going on (or why) for me, or you, or him or her. It is a weary old road, finding that everything, literally EVERYTHING, is tainted and steers us away from our Soul.

            I wrote this poem (which may become a song in due course) about this very matter.

            Driving myself out of my Mind

            Driving down the highway of my pre-conditioned mind
            How much of Me is driving? Not much, and I don’t mind
            Another’s thoughts are in the driving seat, embedded deep
            Passing all the exits, while I am fast asleep.

            My mind was on a highway, of other peoples’ thoughts
            No scope to steer things my-way, no starboards and no ports
            I just can’t keep on driving that Un-freeway in my head
            I’ve found that there is something else that I can do instead.

            Tearing down the highway with my pre-conditioned thoughts,
            Pondering my righteousness of do’s and don’t’s and ought’s
            I notice how I don’t live up to these, the hallowed rules
            Perhaps the rules are dodgy! To check, I’ll need some tools


            Try’n to leave the road with my conditioned exit tools,
            Surely it will help me if I stick to these new rules
            Still searching for an exit, one sliproad there I see
            Racing down, I follow round. It leads right back to …me


            Escaping down the sliproads in my reconditioned brain
            Although each one is different, it always works the same,
            Returning me through loops and slides, to where I was before.
            STOP the car, get OFF the road! Won’t take this any more


            Ambling down the by-roads of my de-conditioned mind
            And I am in the driving seat, no longer bound and blind
            Doing stuff together with my body, heart and soul
            Integrated in me, My occupancy Sole.


            I really feel for you, Mari, I know well these feelings and despairs which arise during these huge energy inflows. I give myself permission to be miserable, uncommunicative and despairing at these times. It’s an old-energy mindset that says we have to hold up, no matter what. Big big Love, Gail xxx

          • Gail!! Your song!! It’s really amazing and beautiful and sooooooo goddam resonant. How perfectly you have put this ride to words. I love it.
            And Mari I totally agree with you –hard to believe ANY of the nonsense flying around. I feel same as Gail in that NO ONE really knows what’s going on –I go to Google stuff or wiki or YouTube and I think some of what we find can be helpful or inspire a new “exit ramp” for us to explore, and some of the info I take in can help me to feel better, but it seems to me no one really knows any more than I do about how to work this contraption called earthlife and everyone is experimenting and trial&erroring just like me–just pushing random buttons and saying hmmm I wonder what this one does……
            These days I have the idea that everything out there is true AND everything is false. Like I can go online and “prove” that kale is “good for you”, and I could also find plenty to ” prove,” that kale is horrible for you! And I’m tending to kinda of look at most info with the attitude that it’s all just someone’s guess, and I don’t take much seriously. I just kinda lean towards stuff that feels “good” or “right” specifically to me I guess. And to see it all as kind of entertaining–like how Maria looks at the white house lol. I tend to roll my eyes a lot these days hahaha. And oh yes I have said dozens of times how sick I am of even my OWN story–even my ASCENSION story(!) which I am still perpetuating any way lol
            Lots of love to both of you 💙

  8. It is feels so supportive to me to read this post. For the last 3 years I have been going through this process..and it has hit me really hard. I am going through it full on..almost continuously..a few breathers in between..and then back to the grindstone. I have felt suicidal, doomed, self hatred, self doubt, confusion, chaos, disconnected, Terrified… and more.. I have also had some incredible insights, I have Grown, I have learned so so much..about Compassion, about the true nature of LOVE.. About The nature of reality… That we are meant to be Whole, and Fulfilled, and purposeful, and Thriving.. And that What makes us suffer is just 3d consciousness.. Lack, scarcity, fear, and self loathing.. We are taught all this in the 3d construct and for some there has been more struggle then others but we are all subjected to this paradigm. If we are suffering now, going through intense energy is to release all that and to be free. After all the shifts, and darkness and purging I have gone through these last 3 years, I am still hanging in there! It takes courage and Faith. And Faith is NOT an absence of doubt! Just like courage is not an absence of fear. We feel doubt and fear yet we also have faith and courage and trust. It will be alright, I feel we are getting there now! Lots of Love to you all.

    • Anneke, this caught my attention, as you say “It takes courage and Faith. And Faith is NOT an absence of doubt! Just like courage is not an absence of fear. We feel doubt and fear yet we also have faith and courage and trust. It will be alright.”

      This is profound, because we as the pioneers of the new consciousness have been training ourselves to dive deep into the so called darkness, and to feel it all! To find out that we survived those emotions, not by running from them. Most of humanity as you notice is running from those emotions, and from themselves. They are not adept at allowing all of themselves, all of their aspects to just be, and to just feel.

      Consequently they are projecting those aspects outside themselves.

      And Yes, it does get better. We do lighten our load. Those emotions are not so compelling anymore. Even the boredom gets replaced with a sense of fulfillment.

      Thank you for sharing your experience, and your wisdom and light.

      It’s what we call Mastery, and it’s what we are doing, we are mastering our emotions. But not by trying to control them. Or pushing them away. That doesn’t work. But by allowing all of it to just be.

      The fear, the doubt, the sadness, the hopelessness, are all products of the mind. We know that those emotions are not who we are so they can’t consume us.

    • Anneke I agree with Maria–i love what you say about faith and courage. Just beautiful and a great reminder and boost for us all. And I laughed with you on what you relate about menopause–all true! I have wondered too if possibly it helps the process somehow. It does seem like there are a lot of parallels with menopause and ascension. I agree it probably wouldn’t need to happen in 5D too! I must say even though I am good naturedly doing some good ol bitchin and whining here about CURRENT symptoms and challenges, there are still quite a few that felt much worse further back in my process that have either disappeared or lessened significantly, so for those reading who are maybe closer to the beginning of the process, it does get better, and issues do resolve. A lot of times new ones come to replace them hahaha, but overall there IS progress and stuff does get better. A lot of times it doesn’t get reflected when we are all chatting here because we are focused on the here and now more and more, so we are talking about what symptoms and issues are presenting right NOW, and have forgotten a lot of the older ones that are gone. For example I used to experience excruciating pain in my feet, and they would also often get so HOT that I’d have to get up and hobble over to plunge them in a sink of iced water for relief. That one is long gone and there are others that have resolved or lessened drastically but that is one that I can easily recall at this moment lol.
      Oh and also I do believe we are headed firmly towards better health, longer life, and more youthful appearance. There was a stretch for me about 5 or 6 years ago where I could see myself going all Benjamin Button and looking younger and younger quite obviously. Then another phase hit, my circumstances changed and I moved from FL to MI, lots of crazy challenges and my appearance started doing the opposite and I began looking much older than I actually am. But NOW I believe we are in another phase; there are moments and occasionally days where I can see a more youthful face showing up in the mirror again — so perhaps in this clearly cyclical process the pendulum is simply swinging back and forth before it finds its balance somewhere between the extremes. Or possibly I am completely crazy and just farting at the mouth….who knows. I am still trying to find the bright side though!

    • Anneke, I SO relate to all you have shared here! Very well said…thank you!! ❤️

  9. PS.. Menopause! OhBoy! But the insight I get about that one (going through it myself too) is that the HOT flushes are actually helpful in some way..Phoenix fire..burning off all that toxic energy. I know I know..It’s a torment ladies. Not sleeping..feeling as if you are going to burst in to flames… Not connecting with husband and companion animals.. feeling disconnected.. Depression anxiety.. And here’s the thing.. Seems to me that menopause in 5d just wouldn’t happen at all.. We’d live longer, stay youthful, and healthy.. feel and look great. is a rite of passage and makes ascension harder in a way too.. But it will pass. It WILL. Having a flush now, pushed the cat off my lap, (now looking at me disgruntled like).. I never thought I’d actually like winter..but it is hot now and PHEW!!

  10. Just wanted to suggest that for those of us who are speaking gibberish… and count me in…. I think it is a way for our Selves to break up the constant 3D self chatter. Meditation doesn’t do that quite so well for me as it did years ago, but I find that if I allow my words to come out just as they want to, it definitely stops the continuous and very bothersome mind noise! And it just might be that the gibberish is actually Light Language. I haven’t a clue what it means, but my body seems to relax with it and it does stop the mind’s incessant BS . Warning: Don’t try out gibberish in company, it doesn’t work as humor! Love, B.

    • Barbara, I agree about the word salad….why not just let it come out? It may be our greater truth in the moment. Like we are at Thanksgiving dinner with the family, and instead of saying, “Daddy dearest, please pass the potatoes” we slip and say, “you fucked up my life you son of a bitch!”

      I kid. Who ever says, “Daddy dearest?” 😄

  11. Not a good time at the minute I agree. Received a bill today from my mobile company (cell phone company) asking me for fucking 50 Euros (that’s more than 60 dollars) because I supposedly used data abroad. Which is absolutely impossible because my phone was in flight mode all the fucking time except twice where I left flight mode to either send one text message or receive a call. All in all I maybe left flight mode for about 20secons. But I never used data for the internet and my mobile data was switched off then as well. Fucking hate dealing with this shit. And yeah I do wonder why the fuck I am being confronted with bullshit like that while I’m already struggling financially. What’s the fucking point? Was just talking to Elila about something similar. It just doesn’t make any more sense now. It really doesn’t. And no, I didn’t do anything to “attract” this shitty situation into my life (and 60 dollars is a lot of money for me currently for those who wonder why I am so pissed off) so what is the whole point of this expect making my angry? And I can’t remain zen about it, because that’s not me.
    Fucking pissed off with the 3D world so much!

    • I feel your pain, sister! I just had to tap into my savings to save one tooth, and it’s costing me over two grand, American. It traumatized me at first, and when I think about it, I also get pretty pissed off that I still have to deal with the three D Bull shit.

      • Thank you Maria for your understanding. I think I just wanted to vent a little. It’s so fucking frustrating though. We are already far from well off and why then do we have to deal with bullshit like that?
        And I hear you my friend. 2 grand for a tooth is obscene. I wish for a big chunk of money influx for all of us ❤

    • Omg Kat I totally get it!!! 60 bux is like almost 3 weeks of groceries for me (which is how I measure money now, dammit)! (And I keep my phone data off too!)
      And I’m experiencing the same thing right now as I can no longer see through my old eyeglasses and contacts and just had to shell out FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS for new eyeglasses and those were the CHEAPEST I could get because my scrip is so bad. How nice that the blinder you get the more it costs you!
      Agree with Maria why are we still having to endure this bullshit?!?! I have somehow miraculously managed to hang on and not check out for TEN YEARS with no income whatsoever–cant I get a break for “time served”??
      And yeah I don’t feel like I am ” drawing it to me” either–it seems like we should be well past this nonsense.
      Sometimes I think the universe is TRYING to convince me to check out of hotel earth and I’m just too stupid and stubborn to follow that “inspiration”. LOL

      • Elila, I’m glad you point out some of the progress, because it is easy to forget. In some ways we have come far and not just internally.

        I think we discussed this before, that yes, we are still facing having to deal with three D crap, but the fears are not as intense, they don’t paralyze us. Yes, we do get frustrated, annoyed, and want to cry uncle, but I remember when things happened earlier on I felt like I couldn’t really cope with life. I felt totally traumatized.

        Now, relative to finances, and even health, I don’t have that fear that keeps me awake at night. Sometimes I stop and remind myself that I forgot to worry about something, and then that triggers a little worry…like, shouldn’t I be worried about my bank account? Or a health issue?

        It’s like I am detaching from the fear aspect, and instead just getting annoyed or pissed off. Is that progress? Hope so. LOL.

      • Oh crap, that’s really annyoying, too Elila. Glasses are very expensive here as well Elila. And I think they shouldn’t be. So senseless that people should pay anything extra because they have a physical ailment. As if the ailment isn’t shit enough in itself.
        And my bill is almost 70 Euros in total (which more close to 85 dollars) as it’s taxes on top. They replied to my complaint yesterday, of course with a negative answer but I won’t give up. I’ll get in touch with consumer protection services. Maybe they can help. And 70 Euros is more than 2 weeks of groceries for me. *angryface*


        I agree with you. While it is annoying and frustrating as hell, the anger about it doesn’t last in that intensity like it used to, which I guess is a good sign. They still last long enough for me to do sth about it i it’s unfair, like the situation I’m in now

        • Maria and Kat

          Yep agree there isn’t as much fear around this stuff. But I think it’s because im just too tired to care! Like fear is being replaced with apathy via exhaustion lol. Whenever I realize I’m fretting over something I almost always now think to myself “oh fuck it. I don’t give a shit.” Before the apathy kicks in though there is often annoyance that we are still dealing with this crap after almost two decades for a lot of us–just thinking about how long it’s been makes me feel so ineffective! Sometimes there is anger but it peters out quickly simply because I have no energy to sustain it and my head hurts too much lol.
          But yeah it was much worse back before my Give-a-Damn broke.
          Kat I’m joining in on your wish for a big financial boost for all of us to energize it further! Sometimes I think if I didn’t have to deal with and worry so much about money all the health stuff would go away too……

  12. Teeth… I have spend Thousands on my teeth too Maria, they have gone from bad to worse.. Incredible…. And just last month I lost a significant portion of my income..Poof..just like that. so no more expensive dental treatment possible.. The Fear…the fear 3D…All wrong people! I just wanted to mention, Epsom salt baths, they help. Also, Homeopathy. It has helped me so much over the last few months. Something’s got give soon. I totally get the people that are just FED UP now. And all this Law Of Attraction stuff.. Which in my humble opinion has people terrified of their own thoughts and feelings and so burying them even more!

    • Mmmm…interesting, anneke. It seems some of us are getting hit on all fronts, health, financial…no fun at all. And yes, law of attraction has been applied as a mental exercise, and as I stated earlier, we are not doing that, we are facing all of our thoughts, not trying to dismiss or control them.

      That’s why it can be so confusing and frustrating for those who are experiencing this awakening process. The old ways simply do not work. The old, mental focus on something to get results.

      And that never really worked well even in three D. It seems we are moving away from the mind and into a different type of creating. And you say it perfectly, that people are terrified of their own thoughts and feelings and bury them even more.

      It’s said that our body is a reflection of our frequency, but I contend that it is also a product of our ancestry, and it is in the process of a major transformation. So it’s responding to the light, by Bringing to the surface things that were buried, that need to be released, and it’s also still responding to our past. It’s not one or the other.

      When I say that our body is not our problem, what I meant was that we should not feel that we have done something wrong or that there is something we need to do to heal it. Not that there is anything wrong with going to doctors, but even they are limited in what they can do.

      It is a challenging and infuriating place to be at times. Kind of a no man’s land.

    • “Which in my humble opinion has people terrified of their own thoughts and feelings and so burying them even more!”

      Absolutely agree! I’m actually annoyed just reading the words ‘law of attraction’. No I didn’t fucking attract this. I just know I didn’t. Why would I? Doesn’t make any sense at all.
      And sorry you had to go through all this anneke. Not having money can be really scary.

    • Wow yes people terrified of their thoughts and feelings! Agree with kats response! And agree with Maria that it’s been presented as a mental thing and we are moving into where that doesn’t work ( and it never really worked anyhow at least for me)– we have gotten so hung up on the control factor–thinking we had to control our thoughts and feelings and allow only “good” ones in order to attract “good” things–that if we let any “bad” feelings or thoughts see the light of day that we would attract disaster……and I feel like Kat has expressed that its just too much effort and bullshit and obviously isn’t working and shouldn’t be so hard! All that mental “trying”– I just can’t be asked anymore!!!!

      • Our thoughts DO NOT create our reality, our existence. Just another mechanism to keep evolving people in their heads and out of evolution. Elila, I too really feel it NEVER did work, only ended up with everyone berating themselves for having negative thoughts and buying into the idea that there is ‘failure’xxx

  13. In Homeopathy inherited traits and problems are called Miasmatic. There are remedies for it.. Sulphurinum being one. Our DNA is FULL of poison..and Epi genetics plays a part too… As for Manifesting Maria, I increasingly feel that it is all about Allowing Spirit to Flow through us. It is NOT about force or control or Making it happen at all..That is only what I feel of course.. But that is what I get over and over again..synchronistically. All that inner darkness HAS to go, to be released, transmuted, harmonised etc etc (lots of inner workings that can NOT be put in to words)… Inner poison gets in the way of Spirit flowing through us..and so “manifesting” becomes impeded. I do not feel that us feeling like crap and lots of Catalysts happening in order to trigger our inner stuff to come us manifesting badly.. It is us manifesting what we need..To Clear and Cleanse and what not so that we then can Allow and surrender and be like a child..That is true power I feel..a child beliefs in magic and fairies and ALL possibilities.and we will too. That is when the magic will begin to happen I reckon. I hope!

  14. It’s so comforting to hear that others are experiencing the same thing you are – not that there is any “cookie cutter” ascension experience, but you know what I mean. Things certainly are getting weirder and weirder. The latest energy influx seemed to attack us all on multiple levels, bringing us further into the land of Weirdsville. For me, I got walloped physically – couldn’t keep my eyes open in the middle of the day and forgot words (again!) – even during a job interview (P.S. I didn’t make it to the second round – shocking!). We know this is an energetic uptick designed to help us (and it is helping us!), but WTF, man? It’s getting increasingly difficult to withstand this “boots on the ground” stuff AND keep it all together!!!

    I just want to holy grail choice between 3D and 5D already? Haven’t we earned it yet? I’m tired of having to straddle both worlds, while steadily releasing what seems to matter to everyone in 3D (e.g., jobs, abundance/money, family/friend relationships, health, etc.). Enough already! We’ve earned something tangible in the physical for all our hard work!!!
    Love to all,

  15. Lisa, I don’t think it is about earning it. We already ARE good enough. But it IS about getting all that inner darkness OUT. I know it feels like a punishment at times doesn’t it?? Belief me when i say I Know just what that feels like. And when you come from a religious upbringing like I did… Guilt and sin and punishment was my daily bread throughout my early life. But I am getting more and more certain that we are going to be arriving somewhere better soon, all we can do at times is Endure and hang in there…. And feel the rage, because it aint fair!! Go find a big stick and hit something! I nearly typed someone lol! Can not get my language to function either! I sound like a Chinese emigrant lost in space…

  16. Hi Anneke,
    I agree – we are already worthy. No issues there. It took a while, but I finally got there.

    What I meant by “earning,” is enduring the clearing of the darkness. Shouldn’t we be clear by now? I’ve heard some liken this process to feeling like a punching bag – I’ve likened it to feeling like a pinata – but it’s all the same. We don’t get a scorecard, so we don’t know where we are in the game, what we’re clearing or whose energy we’re clearing – we just know we’re getting walloped and clearing something! To that, I say ENOUGH!!! LINE IN SAND. GAUNTLET DOWN. Something in the physical has to start manifesting now – the script needs to flip – we need something tangible for keeping our end of the bargain on this volunteer trip to hell, I mean, nirvana!!! 🙂

  17. Great comments here. I think we all need some emotional purging in a safe space. I have quoted Ascended Master Adamus many times…”An ascending Master is a pissed off master.”

  18. Forgot to mention that reading is now going the way of writing, speaking… I’ll read something and literally see different words than are actually there. Just had it happen so here’s an example. I was checking some of the mailboxes in my e-mail. I opened one to read: “There are no treats in this store.” In reality, the words of course said, “There are no messages in this folder.” So it seems that the whole language thing is getting a makeover… preparing us for Lisa’s “holy grail choice between 3D and 5D” hopefully??? Polls are now fully open! Love, B.

  19. Omg Barbara I’ve had that with the reading too!! Because of it I have literally been here on this post for HOURS, reading and laughing and commenting and then having to reread my comments a million times before I hit post cuz each time I go back to edit it seems like there are words there I didn’t see the last time I read it …..jeez! This post and all the comments are SO. DAMN. GOOD!!!!!
    I am feeling so much love and camaraderie here–how great it is that when the 3D world seems to be raining down an endless shitstorm and we all feel like piñatas trudging and hobbling through sewage and broken glass in the fucking dark that we can at least hear the voices of our fellow travellers all around and not feel alone…..
    Buuuuuuuut………agree with sentiments above–ENOUGH ALREADY! UNCLE!!!!

  20. I love you, dear Maria, Sistar Goddess.

    I love me and I love you all.

    That all the energy I have to write. ♥️♥️😘😘😘🥗🥗🥗🥗🥗🥗🥗🎶🎶🎶🎶⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡🐟🐟🌾🌾🐕🐕🥖🥖🥖

  21. This pinata has been utterly battered too. Have been away for a couple of weeks, so just came home and read the post and comments. Too exhausted to join in commenting today. Love you all, Gail xxx

  22. Honestly I will have to say this was indeed the most POWERFUL LIGHT BLAST that this Chickie has experienced in a looooooong time!!! OMG, I thought surely that I was going to CROAK!! Yesterday I actually felt more myself than I have in quite sometime, and what a welcomed relief! The “Ascension-Flu” really did a number on me/many, those aware, and unaware as well!! A lot of CLEARING took place, and for this I am grateful, but great day it was ever SO intense!! It’s interesting, getting through this profound influx, leaves me feeling like it will get much easier from here on out to navigate these WILD and CRAZY ENERGIES 😊
    Thank you my dear Maria for writing about this…..BETTER TOGETHER! 💖💫💖
    Big love and hugs to all❣

    • Yeah, Annette, here, too. Like I said in the post, I have NEVER posted anything about the energy surges, other than a general statement about it being intense out there, and that’s directed to the earth in general, to politics, etc.

      But it was so intense that I was curious if it was just me, or was the community feeling it too.

      And I agree, it must have cleared some stuck energies, because afterward I felt really blissed out, and very creative. But then it leveled off. Sustaining that place of bliss is more challenging.

      And yes, maybe we will find it getting easier. We are a tough group, but we do have our limits!

      Love to you my dear Annette. 🤗💕💕💕

      • Maria I was thinking earlier this morning that it MUST have been a mega-blast for YOU to have brought it up this way lol. I too started to feel a little of the bliss last night for a few hours but yeah it quickly leveled out. I tell ya the best thing about these influxes is when they stop! It’s such a relief. Still feeling a slight throb in right side of head but so much better overall. Phew! Intense indeed. And Annette I so agree–better together. Though as I’ve said I wouldn’t EVER wish any of this on my dear family here, it’s comforting to not be alone and have others actually GET it and be able to understand.
        Maria so glad you opened this little portal for us all to share the experience in–looking back over it all today I realize what a great purge we were all able to have in this safe space with loving community–how priceless is that??! Thank you from the bottom of my somehow still beating heart. Group hug! 💕😊💕

        • I’m glad too, Elila, that we can all share our joys as well as our frustrations here in this Sacred and safe space that we have all created. Thank you, too, my amazing friend. 😍💕💕💕

  23. I know I’m late to the party, but I’m so glad you posted this Maria. These energies have been wiping me out. Its nice to know I’m not alone. Although I feel like it at times. Who can I talk to about this stuff who really understands?!

    • You can come as late as you like, mom2bzs, and you are always welcome. And, yes, who can we talk to about this stuff who wouldn’t think we were crazy, or who would just glaze over? I guess if any of us have had any doubts about whether this new energy is real, this latest surge quelled that doubt big time!

      And this won’t be my last post about these energies. I will check in with the community when it feels like something is happening. And I invite anyone who is experiencing this type of surge to let us know how they are doing.

      • I so appreciate you giving us a forum to talk about this! Its really unexplainable to anyone who doesn’t experience it. A few weeks ago I had the wierdest experience. I was driving and I felt this intense energy come over me and I always take deep breaths when this happens. I couldn’t breathe deep, it was shallow, which is very unusual for me. I meditate all the time and am used to taking deep breaths.

        As an extreme empath, I always wonder, is this mine or am I picking up on other people’s stuff. Anyone ever question this? I can tell after being around certain people when I feel it, when they’re cords are reaching out to me to get healing. I’ve started cutting those cords.

  24. It’s finally let up!!

    I’ve always been particularly sensitive to things like this (grossly understated), but that said, I will say that over the last year or two, I’m aware of more and more being left behind as these intense phases pass.

    The benefit of being aware of more is that there is awareness of more “Choice” about who I am, what it all means (What it means had been locked into some really ugly self and world hating feelings) and all those high and lofty ideals I’d always striven to hold myself and others to (in order to dispel the ugly evil shadow self and shadow world) seems actually real now…not made up.

    And that evil ugly shadow self/world…totally normal and “Human”…and that’s all it is. It’s still dualistic…sure, but after each of these phases passes away, all this extreme stuff I’ve dealt with my whole life seems much more normalized. I become more and more congruent with all my sides, corners, curves and bends. From the outside, I may look like a weird mess, but really…to me, every one looks pretty much the same as me (Congruence)…and I find far less room for hypocrisy…and much more room for a deeper compassion (which is still INCREDIBLY CHALLENGING FOR ME TO MAINTAIN…no free rides is what the Universes keeps telling me…which is a BUMMER).

    In my real world work, I’d been well known to be able to normalize some pretty rough stuff for people so that they can reach acceptance of their life ending (or the family could reach acceptance of a coming loss). NOW…it seems, it’s my turn to get the same sort of consideration, and it feels so good to have “Life” tell me (In so many different ways)…”Hey…none of this is a big deal. It’s normal…it’s do-able and work-able because if it weren’t, it’d kill you. And you aint dead. So do it. Work it, and after it’s done, you’ll find yourself in your best (see? You’re fine).”

    Thanks SoulSoothingSounds! You hit the nail on the head (Bam!) CONGRATS to everyone else that made it out the other side (again). I’ll tell you…it was sure nice sleeping! On one of the days early on, I was knocked out for near 16 hours. AND THE DREAMS THIS TIME AROUND! OMG! Incredible…living color…and incredibly emotional and twisty turning upside down…yet I got it pretty easily.


  25. I have enjoyed and emphasized with all the comments here and I’m grateful for them and to Maria for providing this Safe Place to express. What is usual for me and thus has of course happened is I’m now into the energies that follow such huge influxes… and that is a sadness, not depression… a sadness that is as tiring as the original ‘hit’. Because I know that Elila and perhaps others relate to some of the things I have read over many years and posted here, I give the following quote from Patricia Pereira…

    “By now you should be aware that Souls choosing not to evolve have decided to remain at status quo. However, Soul-weary humans are urgently endeavoring to awaken their less conscious cousins. They are finding this increasingly difficult because of those who are eager to access the increasingly downward-pressing momentum.” [1999, Arcturian Songs of the Masters of Light.]

    I do believe that by taking the ‘hits’ and grounding them, like the lightning rods that we are, that does help the collective, and so I shall continue to do so, but at the same time the love we hold for ourselves and for our brave Souls must take precedence. Perhaps I feel that way because I’m at the age when my physical energy is slowing down and am no longer bothered by the need to ‘create my own reality’. In any event, I look back and see that my reality has created itself and though I didn’t know it at the time, my Soul/Higher Self has always come through for me. BUT… big BUT… I will not ‘surrender’. That word bothers me a lot when it comes to this process and when I figure out why it bothers me, I’ll be the first to know! Sweet humor! Love, B.

    • Dear Barbara,

      I really felt that came so direct from your Heart. The deep-sad, as I call it, is truly debilitating. I hope you are able to rest through it.

      Some things you said have touched me…

      “the love we hold for ourselves and for our brave Souls must take precedence”……beautifully said….. You have alerted me by saying this and I am about to go into something with that now in mind, so Thank You!!

      “my reality has created itself and though I didn’t know it at the time, my Soul/Higher Self has always come through for me”

      This is my experience too, Barbara. I have come to the conclusion that the magic happens anyway, whether we do rituals, intend, conjure-up or whatever..or not. It’s another energy theft/leak, where our ‘manipulation’ energy goes to the manipulation archon.

      “I will not ‘surrender’.”

      I too felt there was something not quite right about surrender. I feel that surrender is TO someone or something else. We are not surrendering TO our Soul. It is not separate to us, not an else. It’s just an aspect of ourselves we are inviting in to this physical vehicle. To me, Surrender feels like a dark energy created to allow entities and energies ‘legitimate/consentual’ access to our body systems.

      So, me too! I will not surrender! Big Love, Gail xxx

      • There’s something else about surrender, too. The opposite of surrender seems to be portrayed as fighting-against the influence of whatever we are supposed to be surrendering to, and the ‘fighting-against’ is portrayed as negative, too independent, not humble enough, big ego and so on.

    • “I do believe that by taking the ‘hits’ and grounding them, like the lightning rods that we are, that does help the collective, and so I shall continue to do so, but at the same time the love we hold for ourselves and for our brave Souls must take precedence”

      I don’t know. I’m tired of taking it for the team to be honest. Not if there’s no positive manifestation in the material world for me, like more stable finances. I feel like I’ve processed so much for those who aren’t aware and I don’t feel like it’s my problem anymore. It’s not my fault some are not willing to awaken and it’s not my job to help them. I’m aware that by just being myself and taking in new energies and letting go of old, stuck energies I’m helping the planet ascend, but I’m not going to go the extra mile (if there is such a thing) in order to assist the unaware ones. Not my cup of tea anymore

      • You must have read my mind Kat! I have been feeling like this all morning… Going through so much…. depression (severe) exhaustion..losing people (not really friends)..illnesss…scarcity..and so forth.. and so on. Lots of us seem to be doing the gauntlet here.. And so far NO discernible Harvest! Yes, compassion, wisdom, love less judgement perhaps..But it is all on the inner landscape only. Whilst everything on the outer continues to degrade.. I did NOT come here to be a martyr! My husband feels the same.. I feel Rage at it all.. The people waddling down the road throwing their trash on the ground… Staring at their Mobiles (cellphones) whilst stepping in front of oncoming trucks… There was a woman i saw some time ago..with a little toddler, so intent on her iPhone screen that her little child nearly got run over! They seem to not be interested..Same old same old… All their toxic reactions of Hate and hostility… More so now then ever it seems… Like a pot boiling over. And all of us “light workers” so exhausted….. I can only hope and pray that a New Day dawns soon. We need a Reset Button! Hang in there Kat! Sometimes all we can do is that..Endure..The sun will rise after the storm and perhaps it really does get darkest before dawn??

        • ” I did NOT come here to be a martyr”

          Say that again sister! Being a martyr ain’t on my cards either.

          ” There was a woman i saw some time ago..with a little toddler, so intent on her iPhone screen that her little child nearly got run over!”

          I hear you. It’s shockinng to witness sth. like that isn’t it.

          “Hang in there Kat! Sometimes all we can do is that..Endure..”

          It feels like I am waiting. Waiting to reap the rewards. Enduring doesn’t resonate positively with me and I believe my time of endurance is long over. You know I’d be happy already if the financial bullshit wasn’t happening (I wrote about it above). Bills that come in for things I haven’t used. WTf? I was walking past an area of restaurants and cafes earlier and looking at all those people sitting at the tables outside, enjoying their lunch and the sunshine. And for me going out to eat is out of question at the moment. Just being able to do that without feeling guilty or scared would be amazing. well I still do have my nice apartment, my health, family and friends and I do what I like for a living (albeit for little money) so I guess that counts for something.

      • Yes Kat yes! I feel the same way. I too am not willing to process for anyone anymore. I did that in my family of origin for my mother, being the only girl and I’m NOT willing to do that for anyone anymore. I’m done. I need to keep all that precious energy for my lovely soul self. I’ve decided its all for me now. The caring I was giving others; its all mine. I could never be a person who isn’t caring or compassionate; its not in my nature, but I won’t go the extra mile for anyone but myself and it feels good!

        • i have a very similar background of having to care for immature parents. My parents burdened me and my sisters with their issues and expected us to take care of them, to deal with their shit. And of course this then used to draw people into my life who felt they can burden me with their shit, too. But those days are long gone, thank God!
          Like you say, my energy is for me, just for me. And it is very much needed!

    • I feel you on surrender.. But I do not feel that surrender is the same as resignation.. So much is beyond our control.. Spirit is in charge here.. This great Magnum Opus..The Great Work.. is assisted by us through us.. Or so it would seem.. Letting go at times is the only way to get through.. rather then to try and futilely control an outcome…. Surrender to me does not mean Letting people treat you badly.. I belief in being assertive! But when faced with stuff you can not control..What can one do?? It is so easy to feel ike a victim..when all the shit hits the fan.. And you are overwhelmed and feel powerless…. I feel like that a lot. I always try to tune in and ask my intuition..What is the right thing to do or not to do right now.. I feel it out.. And act or not act accordingly. It is confusing.. This 3d reality is chaos and insanity.. our minds reflect that within us.. Hence the depressions and what not. There is a dark force manipulating our doubt… That is Why it is all so totally insane.. But The Power Of Love is here too.. Trust is hard but really the only way now..

      • I hear you Anneke! So many times I found myself “trying”, the visual I always use is me hitting my head against the wall, and my head gets bloody and the wall doesn’t move. I’m done hurting myself!

  26. I have just found this….so lovely….for us all

    “They say beauty comes from a spirit that has weathered many hardships
    in life and somehow continued in resilience.
    Grace can be found in a soul who ages softly even amid the tempest.
    The loveliest by far is the one whose gentle heart bears a hundred scars
    from caring, yet still finds a way to pick up the lamp one more time
    to light the way for love.”(Susan Frybort: Open passages)

  27. Loving the conversation here. Its so nice to see other awake women discussing how tough and confusing this process can be. The comments are are helpful as the content.
    What do you all think is the ultimate reward for going through all of this stuff so relentlessly?

    Eventual bliss?
    Manifestation abilities that actually work?
    Simple, physical joy and peace within our minds and bodies?

    After all this, giving up everything we thought we knew or wanted or believed, going thru a process no other beings have done before, basically going through hell clearing our stuff and the collective stuff…having to be so isolated and hide what we know/are…..achieving SO MUCH on the inner level and having to look at our ‘eh’ 3D realities that dont seem to be transforming at the same pace…lifetimes of persecution here as lightworkers and as women……the general sense of being sick of this damn dimension and process…..after ALLLL that….

    will our reward be to remain in a 3D world we dont seem to belong in anymore? a world many of us can not function normally in if at all? is our reward the process itself, this journey that we set out on with no clue how it would turn out? will we all grow old and die in 3d earth? Will we just keep clearing, keep healing, keep surrendering, keep being isolated except for the internet because most of us cant afford to hop on a plane and gather together? Are we to remain here at the end of this 26,000 year cycle, as the world gets more and more chaotic and fucked up? Will the fruit of this process be inner peace as the world burns? Or Will awakening catch on slowly and naturally and spread over the next 100 years and gradually transform the old earth into a new earth/better place? will we die here just having been stewards of a process far greater than our individual lives and timelines?

    So many thoughts…but I have something to share with you guys.

    I’ve had direct spirit/ET contact, good and bad through out my life. Strangers have been used to give me specific messages about my role here/now….etc etc. Anyway: in the last year, I have been shown potential futures in several life changing visions…..(not dreams, the difference is HUGE)…… and several lightworkers around me. All the things in these visions match up. These are things that would seem unimaginable to most. Ive seen sudden apocalyptic crises worldwide, followed by a WILD chain of events many of which are spoken of in various prophecies, ancient and modern….but the end of it all? Oh my god. The place where we are apparently going to end up is worth everything we’ve gone through….Im not going to say much yet but just putting this out there. I’m a scholar as much as a mystic….a deeply intuitive mind but also extremely rational/intellectual…. i have studied religion, new age stuff, end time prophecies and the metaphysics of cosmic shifts relentlessly for years. But only at a certain point did i start to receive direct, profound information about where this Ascension thing is truly taking us….I wonder if any of you have had visions? Have been given pieces of information about the future and the ultimate point of this shit? Cuz I DEFINITELY have…but it seems alot of people havent…..

    In so many places I read ‘keep going, let go of expectation, stop wanting this or that answer, just surrender to this ongoing process and pay no mind to predictions or future potential events’….I see so many of us sorta…’coping’ with this experience…..straggling along with mere bits and pieces of the real reason our old lives/selves fell apart…. and sometimes it seems a bit disempowering. the visions im getting and the things spirit is telling me now…its WILD but it makes alot of sense given how many years of preparation we have put in. and taking these visions seriously has given me a huge rush of energy to keep going! i feel so reinvigorated in my journey due to receiving what feels like big pieces of the puzzle that were missing. i wonder why me…it seems like older lightworkers whove been on the path for decades should be receiving these visions….but then again ive always had a sense of having something very large and specific to do here and life is putting me in a position of hypervisibility…so…who knows.

    Hoping a few of you read this ❤


    • Fxwrk…it sounds to me like you are an old soul, regardless of your human chronological age. And it’s wonderful that you have been receiving information and confirmation about the ascension process. That’s invaluable.

      there are so many things that I don’t understand, but there is a certainty in my heart that this process is real, and that I came here in this lifetime, my final lifetime, to experience embodied enlightenment. And yeah, as my soul, I think I was much more optimistic that it would be much easier.

      I don’t really have visions per se but I have a connection to the Crimson Council, which is a group of non physical beings that I have a long history with, including in Atlantis, Lemuria, and in the mystery schools. I consider myself a shaumbra, which is someone who is a teacher and a bringer of the new consciousness.

      I would love to hear more about your visions if and when you feel comfortable sharing them.

  28. Wow you guys this convo just keeps getting better and more resonant! I’m slightly overwhelmed so I will try to keep it short but here goes….
    I agree that us taking all these hits helps the collective, and really what choice do we have at this point, but he’ll yes my sweet self must come first and all my energy must be for me now. If it also helps the collective then so be it but I care less and less about that and agree with Kat–its not my job! I feel no obligation to try to wake up anyone else.
    Agree with you guys (Barbara, Kat, Gail) about the word surrender–it doesn’t jive for me. I don’t feel like it’s surrendering, I’m simply allowing my spirit to do the driving on this crazy road trip, cuz I have no clue where I’m going so I’d just assume spirit take the wheel anyhow. Trying to grab the wheel and steer has done me no good. Like Kat says I feel like I’m waiting….. Just sitting in my seat entertaining myself as best I can to pass the time on what seems like an endless flight with tons of turbulence.
    And yeah no way did I come here to be a martyr!!!!! Fuck that! Or to merely “endure” for that matter. I think it is our birthright to THRIVE, in EVERY way, and that a thriving being is a far more beautiful example and benefit to the collective than any self sacrificing, smile-through-the-suffering nonsense. To me martydom benefits no one.
    Kat and mom2bzs–me too on processing for parents and then being an emotional dumping ground and manager for others BS throughout life. So done with that! And Kat of course you already know I agree with you about the financial crap–i would be so much better able to handle all the rest of the challenges of this process (and I could be a bit more patient with it all) if that were no longer an issue, and I feel like that right there would help not only me but the “collective” more–not that I give a damn about the so called masses at this point but it makes more sense to me for us going through this process to get a leg up boost and have some strength to keep going–primarily for ourselves–but if we are stronger then aren’t we automatically “helping the collective” even more?? Seems like the universe is shooting itself in the foot keeping us down this way lol.

    And fxwrk thank you for adding your comment here–your description of this process is so articulate and increases my own clarity. I’ve not had any visions, only a feeling buried deep within that it’s all GOT to be worth it at some point otherwise what would be the point at all, but I do not doubt the validity of yours. At this point I’ll take any confirmation I can get that were heading for something that makes “endurance” obsolete and a hazy distant memory.
    Love to you all my dearest fellow travelers ❤❤❤–so grateful for all of you!!!

    • Oh, I’m really enjoying this. Thank you so much Maria, for this space!

      The question people want to ask is, “Why, if I am not processing for humanity any longer, do I feel so shit”. We are upgrading our bodies, in radical ways. Puberty and menopause were hard to experience, understand and process. So is this. We have been persuaded, somehow, that our pains, body-breakdowns, emotional struggles, mental torment…have been because we were ‘processing’ for humanity. I don’t even know if it’s true, but I bought into this too, and looking back, it was because I wanted there to be an explanation for it all that made it feel worthwhile and hence make it bearable. Now…… I don’t know if I WAS processing for humanity or if I just thought I was. Since I released that IDEA, the pains and all that have not changed, but my attitude has. I also don’t know if I am NOW processing for humanity or not. But I don’t actually care. I physically feel, more and more, that there are major body alterations going on, beyond my ken.

      The other thing I released was the IDEA of some kind of reward/payback/improvement on any timescale. I clearly expect, at some unknown point, a new body of unknowable description,and a new environment of unknowable description, but I don’t any longer expect to see improvements in my 3-d life. It is not resignation. I have realised that if things got better, in terms of money, housing, jobs etc, I would just spend more money, and be feeding the system and the archons with almost anything we can do in 3-d. None of it is clean. Even just grocery shopping is not clean, although we have to do some. Maybe I’ve just become too fussy, but who ‘me’ is keeps changing anyway.

      The idea of Martyrdom requires the sacrifice of something you’d rather not lose. Now, to me, I’ve got to a point where I don’t want ANY OF IT, I just want the unknowable (with these minds) NEW. Everything I’ve ‘sacrificed’ is part of the BIG BOLLOCKs so I can feel glad I’m not part of it and it is not part of me. Not saying I don’t like a cup of coffee, but don’t want it enough to sell my self to get it (and the other things I can’t have any more.)

      I so love these conversations….Elila, I’d love you to email me personally. If you’d like to, please use the contact email on my blog, by clicking on my name on this comment xxx

      We all get pissed off…….like any good ascending master 😉 …… and the communications can also be like a virtual version of holding someone when they cry,

      I love you all here, Gail xxx

      • Haha Gail I HAVE been asking why I still feel so shit! Lol. And get so annoyed –so sick of feeling crappy! Resonate with a lot of what you’re saying.
        Wanted to let you know that my ability and energy to communicate with others at all is pretty limited these days and I pretty much save it to chat with y’all here, but I have bookmarked your contact page from your blog! Love back to you sister xxx

  29. Okay, just checking in….I see 99 comments thus far, and I’m going to make it 100, WOW, right!??
    Feeling as though I’m being kicked in the gut (day two), so incredibly BLOATED!! I hold my belly, and it feels as though I am pregnant, no joke! I’ve been unable to eat much, so pretty sure it’s not from over eating…haha!! Also I want to add, that my vision is very blurry, now I’ve had this before as well as the other, just seems a bit more intense once again! Anyone else feeling another wave at this time? Just needed to get it out there as it helps me to make peace with this crappy body stuff, that I’m SO very tired of, I’ve been saying ‘this too shall pass’, now I say ‘this too shall pass, only to return’, so NO real comfort with this anymore!! Ugh….thanks for reading, and big love and hugs to everyone!! 💖💫💖

    • Annette, I’ll weigh in. I have been feeling tired more than any other symptom, wanting to rest and sleep, even if I have gotten a good nights sleep.

      On an emotional level, I was trying to clean up my apartment, and I had no real drive to do it. Not that I am a good housekeeping kind of gal. No white glove test over at my place. But at least once a year I would get motivated to clean…clean out the closets, throw stuff away. Nada. Niet.
      I was about 25 minutes in, and I had to throw in the towel, literally.

      It’s like the place just doesn’t feel like me anymore. Kind of like this body. So I know what you are saying, even though mine takes on a little different set of symptoms.

      Yes, enough already, right?

      It gets discouraging at times, and you just want to move past the point where you have to deal with so much physical stuff. We have our plate full already dealing with the energies on all other levels, and then the physical just adds to it.

      So…I left the closet detail for another time, came out for coffee instead. And, I do believe that I made a wise choice. 😍

      • “. I have been feeling tired more than any other symptom, wanting to rest and sleep, even if I have gotten a good nights sleep.”

        Me, too! And when I get up from sitting for a while I feel dizziness.

        “On an emotional level, I was trying to clean up my apartment, and I had no real drive to do it.”

        Absolutely the same here. I’ve been thinking about doing it for the past couple of days and can’t bring myself to do it.

        And I also feel like the air is heavier. Not sure how else to put it. Just existing feels heavier on the body. I don’t know whether it’s the temperature or indeed higher air pressure or if it’s ascension related (or all three). I kinda feel weighed down in a physical sense. I also feel generally fed up. Like with everything. It feels like I don’t wanna move anymore and just get handed everything to me.

  30. OH my Maria I can totally relate to throwing in the towel/place not feeling like me anymore, as well as my surroundings out here on my country road/property etc. NO-THING feels quite right for me anymore! The kick in the gut I speak of comes solely from the Collective Energy right now, as being such a SENSITIVE, my god I seem to pick it all up, and I don’t even watch the news!! Today things feel a bit better (after all the gunk I transmuted)….ugh! And yes, it has been getting pretty darn discouraging for sure! Where is the PASSION!? Omg, just a little please!! Right!?
    Glad you left the closet detail for another time, and came out for coffee….WISE choice indeed!!
    Thanks for chiming in, I SO LOVE AND HONOR OUR CONNECTION!! Onwards and upwards, sideways, and back my fellow Ascension Pioneer. 💗✨💗 We got this!! 😍
    Happy Blessed Summer Solstice @ 6:07 A.M. TOMORROW 🌞🌻💫

    • Oh my Annette, I can SO SO relate to what you’re saying! I too pick up on the collective energy. I’m extremely sensitive also. It sure is a 2 edged sword! I can be fine and all of the sudden brought to my knees. Just being in my house, not reading anything (news). I feel it from all over the world.

  31. Hey Annette and Maria–I’ll join in as well! No energy. Sleeping a ton even though I can’t fall asleep until mornings–like not able to sleep while it’s dark! Weird. And it feels like this intensity hasn’t let up for me since it rolled in except for brief moments. I don’t watch the news either but the little bit that creeps in is so devastating and debilitating, like I just don’t want to live in this place where beings are capable of such unspeakable cruelty, atrocity, unkindness. It’s more than I feel like I can bear. So I’m having to double down on distraction and often jumping down YouTube rabbit holes for HOURS haha. Tons of bloat even tho I’ve only been able to handle salad and smoothies for a few weeks now–it seems even my passion for food is gone or suspended. Annette i TOTALLY look and feel pregnant as well, like about 6 or 7 months along depending on the day–no lie or exaggeration. And I have been wanting to clean and organize for months but can’t make myself do it! Maria I’m feeling the same–no place feels like me, and now I’m experiencing this kind of hopelessness and also feeling like perhaps there ISN’T anyplace on this planet that would feel good to me or like “home”. As you know I’ve been longing to go ” home” to Florida for years now but lately I’ve been wondering if even that would feel good?
    Feeling kind of lost in this seemingly endless surge and Annette I always say “this too shall pass” as well but this time it doesn’t seem to be passing or possibly it does but then another hit rolls in so fast I don’t notice the break lol. Seriously gals when…..WHEN??….does all this nonsense end?? When will something (anything!!) feel GOOD again?? Will I ever feel excited about anything again or inspired or “home”?
    I hate sounding (and feeling!) so bleak but there it is. I’ve had the thought a few times this week, ” Anthony and Kate–I totally GET it you guys……” (Just to be clear I am not feeling suicidal myself–only that it makes total sense to me why people want to LEAVE).
    C’mon Spirit, throw us wearies a bone??????
    I so love our connections here too– thank goddess for my beautiful peeps here! This space is always my bright spot. Love to you both ❤❤❤

    • Yes to Annette, Elila and all here…it’s been weirder than ever lately. You’re right Elila, you don’t have to watch the news to still feel into the collective energies out there. They are really confused because They don’t understand what these light energies are designed to do.

      All the chaos and uptick of anger and fear is no coincidence at this time of intense energyes on the planet.

      It feels like for me the hardest part is not just the physical issues but the lack of passion. I will say though that when I do feel that bliss, it’s much more blissful now, and more sustainable than before. And it’s that disconnect then that feels ten times more disconnected that makes me want to just get the hell out of here.

      Good to know others are feeling the sense of this is no longer home. Maybe our physical homes and not wanting to care for them like before is just symbolic of feeling dispassionate about being here on the planet.

      Like you say, Elila, even coming back to Florida, would it fit the bill?

      Am I far off to ask, did we really ever feel totally at home here on this planet? All my life I would hear people say how proud they were of their heritage, whether they were Italian, Greek, Spanish, etc. and people are into finding out their heritage with all this popular DNA testing.

      But I really never felt affiliated with my own heritage (Greek and Italian). I always said to others, no, I’m not Greek or Italian, I’m just an American.

      That was the closest I could come, saying I am an American, to distinguishing myself from my origins. But I don’t even feel like an American. As we know, none of it matters. Not that it isn’t wonderful to celebrate our cultural differences. I always enjoyed going to ethnic festivals.

      But I just don’t identify with any of it. The difference now is that I’m o.k. with it. I’m no longer trying to fit in and that’s really liberating.

      It feels like the closer we get to our enlightenment, the more detached we become from the planet. In one sense it’s very freeing, because, even though we may still be picking up on the sense of fear and chaos out there, we know better now, that it’s not our story. We are done with the galactic story that the rest of humanity is still going through.

      I think I enjoy watching the news (and believe me when I say I NEVER watched the news, in fact I would reprimand my fellows for indulging too much in it). But I like it because it’s a bit of drama…it helps me to feel connected because otherwise I do feel like I am drifting further and further apart from this world.

      It can get distracting at times, and then I turn it off and take a deep breath. But I notice that I am not negatively affected by it unless I really want to feel something like anger or frustration. Again, 3D feelings. Keeps me connected.

      Almost like watching an intense movie. You know it’s not real, but you really find yourself getting involved. Anywhoo.

      • “It feels like for me the hardest part is not just the physical issues but the lack of passion”

        Same here. I’ve been feeling like a cranky, pouty toddler lately. I go for walks sometimes but I feel so uncomfortable around groups of people. It’s a mix of wanting to move and be in nature but at the same time hiding from the world (= other people). I don’t remember if I have ever felt like that for such a long time. I am annoying myself feeling like that.

        “Good to know others are feeling the sense of this is no longer home. Maybe our physical homes and not wanting to care for them like before is just symbolic of feeling dispassionate about being here on the planet.”

        That’s my take on it, too. I didn’t even dare to think about it (because I was scared that I would attract bad circumstances, like me having to move out of my place – that’s what that shitty law of attraction bullshit gibberish did to me. It put a bee in my bonnet. Fuck that.) Well that feeling that I’m not right here anymore did cross my mind as well, but there’s nowehere else I’d rather be, either, so I think it’s just my inner feelings of being fed up with all of this projecting on everything around me, including the place that I live.

        “But I really never felt affiliated with my own heritage (Greek and Italian). I always said to others, no, I’m not Greek or Italian, I’m just an American”

        I always say I’m human. I can’t identify with any of the countries I’m connected to (Germany and Croatia). I just can’t

        “. But I notice that I am not negatively affected by it unless I really want to feel something like anger or frustration.”

        It doesn’t affect me either. I know that many people are upset with Trump and him separating kids from their parents, but I’m completely detached from it. I’m not gonna lie. The same with most other news. What does annoy me is when they blatantly lie on the news and try to push an agenda, which constantly happens on German TV. Tell me what’s going on in the world, but don’t tell me what to think. That is insulting my intelligence, plus it makes it so obvious that there is someone else behind this whole machinery and there is no real objectivity to journalism (not that there ever was).

        • Wow, Kat, so many things to unpack. So, I’m relieved to know others are experiencing this kind of no man’s land. Neither here nor there. Yet, at the same time, we recognize that it’s really our frustration and where else would we be, anyway. I agree, as much as I say get me the fuck out of here, and that’s more often now than ever before, it could be a sign that we are closer to a major shift.

          In fact some of the reports coming my way are saying that we are on the cusp of manifesting our dreams. Of course I take that with a grain of salt.

          I know what you mean about being afraid to think you don’t feel attached to your home, for fear then you will have to leave. And right, we are more aware of that even being a product of our limited minds, and really we are too awake to create issues on a subconscious level.

          I think we are past all that needing to censor our thoughts stuff.

          As far as the news outlets, we have pretty good news media here, and they seem committed to reporting the facts. And with our current president and his administration and all the corruption he is denying, it seems their job is to show all the lies for what they are. And in doing so, it’s hard not to be bias. He is making their job kind of easy. He’s like a cartoon villain.

          There a couple of what we call ‘state news’ stations, the ones that kiss ass with him and his minions. And another one called Sinclaire will be spreading across the country, and they are ultra conservative and will be the propaganda stations, like Fox News.

          But I’m with you on being detached from it all. It’s actually the healthiest place to be. I like it more for the entertainment value, and also I like to draw analogies from politics and culture to the process we are experiencing.

          But at the end of the day, I don’t lose any sleep over any of it. And maybe that’s part of our mastery, to be in this crazy world, and not be triggered by it.

          • “But at the end of the day, I don’t lose any sleep over any of it. And maybe that’s part of our mastery, to be in this crazy world, and not be triggered by it.”

            Exactly. And it just doesn’t touch me. But I tend not to watch the news, because it’s always the same old shit but in different colours. It just evokes an eye roll from me, if anything.

            “So, I’m relieved to know others are experiencing this kind of no man’s land. ”
            yeah Limbo it is at the moment, isn’t it. I’ve observed that it actually isn’t such a bad place to not want anything that much at all/being fed up with everything, because in this state it is so much easier to let go of expectations, thoughts about things that need to be done which just clutter up the mental process and everything else that drags us down. It’s much easier to be in the moment this way. It’s just emotional frustration that lingers in the background that’s annoying…

          • Spot on Kat. It is a good place to be. A kind of emptied out place, and yes, expectations. Like with the cleaning of the apartment. It’s more my own expectation that I should tackle it now that brings the frustration. Because, really, it’s not really so bad that the board of health is knocking at the door. Or the Hoarders show isn’t interested.

            It’s actually not bad at all, by most standards. Granted I always feel good when it’s been cleaned out, but there really is no rush. So, yes, I end up taking that deep breath, going for a walk, or for coffee.

            So, great point, Kat. It’s the perfect place, that ‘who cares?’ place that is a place of receiving. There’s really no desperation and wanting it so bad that we can’t take it a moment longer.

            You put it well, the frustration lingers in the BACKGROUND. It’s no longer at the forefront. It’s not consuming. Could our dear mind finally be conceding to our soul? Could it be relaxing more and just trusting that all is well, and that it doesn’t need to control everything?

    • Yes Elila! That describes it perfectly! I don’t watch the news either, but what does come in does devastate me. Yes, it does feel like more than I can possibly bear.

      This feeling of wanting to go home; where is that? I take myself with me no matter where I go. I want to feel anchored and centered and balanced within myself. Its very challenging these days, except when I meditate and do reiki on myself, but then I come back to my body.

      Yes, I get Anthony and Kate too; why they wanted to go. Feeling things so intensely is rough.

      It is so amazing to hear others feel the same way. I don’t feel so alone. Nobody in my real life gets it. Maybe that’s better for them?!

  32. 111 comments, this will make 112….WOW!!!
    Big love and hugs to everyone here……we are not alone, what a great feeling! Better Together 💖💫

  33. Omg I fucking love you guys.

    I don’t know where to start. There’s so much here I had to literally take notes before responding!
    Here’s where I am today–definitely the “pissed off master”. I am so annoyed and fed up and tired I have not even gotten out of bed and it’s 5:30 in the evening. All I can think when thoughts come to me is ” I don’t fucking care. ” Then I check in here and ….wow!
    First of all Kat, you nailed it for me (again haha). Practically every word you wrote I was saying yep, yep, me too, and YES!! I have felt like a cranky pissed off toddler and I don’t want to do anything and haven’t even gone for my walk cuz I don’t want to talk to any of the people I run into all the time “out there”. And then even in this highly irritated pissy aggravated state you made me laugh out loud when you talked about the ” SHITTY law of attraction” stuff cuz I feel the same way and have those same thoughts about being afraid to make things even WORSE for myself! Ugh. Thank you Maria for pointing out we may be past all that nonsense. Oh and no you are not too far off to ask if we have EVER felt at home because the answer is a definite no. I also can’t identify with heritage (German) and am not drawn to any other cultures or languages. Like Kat I just say I’m human (plus at this point I feel like if I said I’m American those from other countries would just shake their head at me in disgust given the embarrassing politics here). I have longed for “home” for as long as I can remember but I have no idea where that is. Florida is as close as I’ve come but that was mainly the climate and being able to be at the beach every day (the only place that feels good)–even while I lived there I was always searching for the specific place within Florida that felt like home or felt like it fit me and I never found it. Mom2,bzs you really hit on something for me–you said you wanted to feel anchored and centered and balanced in yourself and a light went on for me, an aha moment–perhaps that’s why no place feels like home for us yet because we are still in the process of having our souls move into these bodies and it’s not settled in yet? I’ve always wanted that too–to feel that “homeness” within myself so I could feel it wherever I am, like a turtle who always has home with him. Perhaps we are in the process of creating just that, and waiting for our soul to make itself at home with him us first? But dammit I am so fucking sick of being “in the process”. That’s the part that really has me churning today is the never ending goddam dangling carrot feeling!! I am sick to death of this ” process”, of enduring, of getting through another day, of the mundane maintenance and passing the time and distracting and just the LOT of it without feeling any inspiration or direction. No man’s land indeed. Limbo.
    Maria maybe you are right that this is the perfect place to receive, and like Kat said maybe it’s easier to be in the moment, and that this is a place of being emptied out in order to receive. I hope so. But at the moment my faith in the process is low. I’ve been at this for so. fucking. long. It’s pissing me off just thinking about all I’ve lost, let go of, purged, changed, evolved, rolled with, blahblahblah. It’s been so radical I don’t have words and yet body and circumstances have nothing to show for this stunningly radical transformation and I feel like I’m just barely surviving which to me is unacceptable I want to THRIVE goddamit!!!!!! (Sorry y’all it’s a crap language day.)
    Oh and about the news, Kat I’m with you I’m usually completely detached but for some reason when in the midst of an energy blast (aside: shouldnt an “energy blast” be enerGIZING and not ennerVATING????) It somehow can flatten me. And I don’t watch because yep it’s same shit in different colors, and it seems like a lot of turd-polishing to me, which = BORING, in my book. Same with reality shows–i don’t find them entertaining at all, only cringe inducing, and current news seems like a REALLY bad reality show, like worse than throwing all those has-been stoned celebrities into a house and having Bobby brown pee on them while “sleepwalking” type bad. Ugh.
    So yeah like you said Maria, i keep thinking get me the fuck outa here, but then where else would I be? This has got to be the exact definition of no man’s land or purgatory. Oh and Kat yes yes yes on the weighed down feeling–i keep saying it feels like gravity doubled. And yes even air seems heavy and it feels like I can’t get a deep breath, like an elephant on chest. And I’m just sooooooo FED UP.
    Maria I agree that the bliss spots were coming more frequently and feeling better and better and easier to stay in for longer periods, but something seems to have happened where I haven’t had one for too long, and yes you nailed it having tasted the bliss it makes the low spots a hundred times more unbearable.
    So thank you guys I learned a few things here in this convo and love you all so much but for today anyway I am just pissed off and beyond perturbed and sick of dealing!! Hope any of this made sense –feel like I can barely express and am just sputtering and ranting haha (it is now 6:30 so it took me a whole hour to get this down–jeez)
    Love all around ❤❤❤❤

    • *waiting for soul to make itself at home WITHIN, not “with him”

      Oh and I can’t remember which of you lovelies brought up the blurred vision but yes, THAT is a THING today too. Sigh. 😒

    • Yes yes yes Elila, fuck the process🤪. I tooLOVE the beach. It’s where I let go. My energy changes when I’m there. Thank God I live in So. California. By the way, I’m Sherry everyone.

      • Sherry (I remember mom2bzs =sherry from long time ago!)–
        So envious of your locale! I could REALLY use a day at the beach right now but not near one. Life and this process was much easier when I had the beach to help me through! Same here for me everything changes by the water–negative ions for the win! I can sit quietly for HOURS at the beach and never want to do anything else but swim and just BE. I never take reading material or games or anything but a sarong to lay on–not even (especially not even haha) a phone. I just feel filled up there and happy. 🌴😊💕🌴🐚🐬🌺🌞⛵

        • Oh I so know what you mean Elila. The beach makes everything easier. Come on down!

          I feel such peace sitting in front of the waves. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

          • Mmmmm yes, the PEACE. Soooo miss that. And toes in sand and walking barefoot for miles. Sigh. Still trying to get my teleport button to work…….lol

    • “–i keep saying it feels like gravity doubled. And yes even air seems heavy and it feels like I can’t get a deep breath, like an elephant on chest.”

      YES YES YES! I did have a couple of situations where I couldn’t get a deep breath as well and yes on the gravity thing. It really feels like it doubled. When I read that you were still in bed at 5.30 pm it inspired me to go back to bed as well (it.s 12.30 PM here now). I just feel like snuggling up in my bed and not doing anything productive (but I must, because there is this script I need to finish and the deadine is July 1st,,,)
      And be assured that you are very well understood and definitely not alone with the way you feel. And despite being in a shitty mood, you still managed to make me laugh 🙂 ❤

      • I must have missed the post (from Maria?) where someone said they couldn’t get a deep breath. A few weeks ago, I was driving and couldn’t breath deeply. I’m very good at breathing deeply as I meditate all the time. It freaked me out! I was also unbearably cold and shivering. It was the wierdest physical experince. I had to stop driving.

        Are any of you having trouble sleeping right now? Since the soultice 2 nights ago, I haven’t slept for shit. I know I get deeply impacted by full moons and this is just messing with my sleep. Oh to be a sensitive empath!

        Its early morning here and I love to sit by the sliding door and listen to the birds. They talk to me :o). I hear them so loudly in the morning; its a blessing.

        • I remember your comment about not being able to get a deep breath and then having a weird sensation. I ‘m familiar with it and even though it doesn’t freak me out the way it used to (I used to have that every single day from 2002 until let’s say 2013 (give or take a year), it is still a bit uncomfortable. I think it’s our Heart chakra dealing with the huge energy influx/further release of blockages and maybe both simultaneously.

          • Yes Kat, I felt it was some kind of download of energy. Today I had the blurry eyes someone mentioned, as well as being dizzy. This isn’t for sissies!

  34. Aw Kat I always feel better reading your comments and oh gosh you made me laugh again when you said I inspired you to go back to bed–good for you! Most people would be horrified that I spent a whole day in bed but my beloved Kat is inspired lol. 😊💕 I know your script will get done regardless. And yeah same here the deep breath and double gravity thing has been going on for so long it doesn’t freak me out and Im sort of so used to it its become my normal in a way. It’s not ALL the time but a lot of the time–like if I want a deep breath it’s usually a concerted effort to some degree and some attempts are easier than others. The double gravity thing and consequently feeling so heavy and like there is a constant pressure exerting itself on me is harder–like I can’t get up from sitting on the floor without using my arms and legs–its how an extremely overweight person would have to do it and I’m not extremely overweight but it FEELS like I am if that makes sense. I agree that it’s heart chakra/energy influx stuff with the deep breaths, and also just that weird pressure from outside seemingly trying to hold us in place as well as that there seems to be so much happening with our organs and bloating and just there not being much ROOM inside right now for easy lung expansion? Again I imagine it’s similar to late stage pregnancy with organs getting a bit cramped.

    And sherry yep I’ve had those freezing cold episodes too–where it feels like I’m cold from the inside out! And yes as well to the trouble sleeping–i too am very affected by the full moon and solstices etc. Usually when I hear the birds start singing through my sliding door it’s because I haven’t been able to fall asleep yet and it’s already morning!! Lol

    • “Most people would be horrified that I spent a whole day in bed but my beloved Kat is inspired lol. ”

      That made me laugh again and yep you’re damn right.

      “like there is a constant pressure exerting itself on me”

      I have that, too. Like it’s penetrating me from the outside. When I think.about it I have had it since the beginning of this process. I remember feeling really worried about it in the past but in the meantime I guess I’ve just gotten used to it. It’s only now that I read it from you that it popped into my mind again. And yes to the bloating and not having enough room inside. The bloating is especially annoying

  35. Whoa/wow/omg!! How’s everyone doing!? This week so far has been a real duzie, Mind/Body/Soul.
    Sending out big love and hugs to all. 💖💫💖💫💖

    • Annette, I noticed the past day especially it’s been weird, and I’ve heard from others the same. Strange dreams, well, stranger than usual. Lol. How has it been manifesting for you?

      • My Maria,
        Weird is surely one way to describe it, along with Massive body stuff, from feeling like I’ve been run over by a MACK TRUCK, and down right lethargic/sleepy, and ‘other worldly’!! Just when I thought I had experienced EVERY Ascension symptom there is after all the many years….the newest, tingling/itching, especially on the top of my head, but pretty much all areas of the bod! Extremely lonely, yet NO desire to be around anyone (I feel this is to ‘their’ benefit)!!! Lol, but oh SO true!! I have two dogs, and a cat, my super sensitive Walker Hound, is definitely picking up on something too, and the others are as well, yet don’t show it quite as much as her. My daughter, granddaughter, and great granddaughter 2 years old, wanted to come out on Saturday, I JUST CAN’T PLAN ANYTHING, I did let her know, and told her of the present ENERGIES that I am navigating through physically, “I know you don’t understand, and quite possibly even BELIEVE, what I/many are experiencing, yet it is happening!!” I stood in my POWER this time, and feel absolutely free of any GUILT! She may get curious enough, and want to know/understand more of my experience, yet it MATTERS NOT!!
        Much love soul siSTAR!!! 💖💫💖

        • Annette, yeah, just when you think you’re done, and BAM another round of symptoms, or variations thereof.

          I have complete compassion for you, and kudos for setting those vital boundaries with your family. Not always easy to do. And GUILT-Free to boot!! Wow. I guess you won’t be needing the GUILT-EZE supplements.

          But me, too. I rarely make plans anymore. And it took me quite a while to stop feeling bad about it. But ya know, we are doing one of the most…scratch that…THE most challenging thing a human will EVER do. So it’s time to let ourselves off the hook for having to also be the 3D person who compromises themselves for the comfort of others.

          It seems we can’t do both. Not in a way that would allow us to go forward into our sovereignty. Learning to trust OURSELVES over anything we have been conditioned to trust.

          And you are a role model for your daughter, granddaughter, and great granddaughter, of a woman who chooses to love herself. Not too many of those around.

          Again, congrats my friend. Well done!

          • Yup, not needing any GUILT-EZE, in the past, I could have taken 3 a day and it would not have helped, it’s been a long hard process to have arrived where I am at, like you said Family especially!! I did however get a reply from my beautiful/kind/amazing daughter that said “I’ve been feeling strangely as well. It’s no biggie, Love you.”
            I must say, the unconditional love from my family has helped me to LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!!
            And a big YES to this being the most challenging thing a human will EVER do!! Thanks for your kind words my friend, and just for the record…..MY BODY/MIND is feeling a little less challenged today…THANK YOU UNIVERSE! 💖✨💫💖

        • Good for you Annette for stating your truth! I’m doing the same thing

          • Yes!! So glad you are doing the same, such a GRAND feeling of FREEDOM!!
            May I ask your real name? I do think you had said at some point during this post? I’m getting Sherry maybe!??
            Love and big hugs! 💖

    • Oh yes Annette!

  36. Hey Annette, yes my name is Sherry. Love and hugs back to you!

  37. How’s EVERYONE doing!!?? It’s been pretty darn INTENSE, like HOLY SHIFT!!
    Sending love, and big hugs to one and all, with a reminder to TAKE GENTLE CARE OF SELF!! 💖💫💖

  38. Yes Annette VERY intense!

  39. How’s everyone doing!? Thought I would check in to see if anyone has been feeling the latest ‘impact’!? Holy Moly…..its been 5 long exahauting days…..have been ready to ‘throw in the towel’, yet do NOT know quite where to throw it! Lol
    Better together!! xoxo💞

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