Soulsoothinsounds's Blog

For those awakening divine humans

Easy Peasy

20 Comments

Photo by Maria Chambers

On my way home yesterday, I spotted a neighbor stranded on the side of the road in her car.  I pulled over and asked if she was O.K.  She said the car was acting weird and she was reluctant to drive it the rest of the way home.  I offered to drive slowly behind her until she got safely parked in the apartment complex parking lot.

I don’t see her often, and she is like me, she keeps pretty much to herself.  I asked her if she had a good mechanic, and she said not anyone she could trust.  I told her our other neighbor did have a good, honest and reliable mechanic, and I offered to get the info for her after the other neighbor got home.

She was very appreciative.

As I was relaxing at home, I became a little anxious, because now I had to follow through and do some legwork and get the info back to her by the evening or early morning.

I noticed I was feeling overly responsible, and it really annoyed me.  I thought I had moved past all of that caregiving stuff.  It was challenging to admit that I still had that reflex response that I was supposed to be there for others.  Because it wasn’t just providing her with the information, it was the anxiety of, well, what if she needs a ride, or what if she needs other things now and I just don’t want to get involved.

I worked hard for my privacy and my sovereignty, and I wanted to make sure that was preserved.  I feared becoming more involved than I really wanted to.

So, I just let my mind do its worst scenario, and decided that this was an excellent opportunity to drop the caretaking mode.

I had absolutely no obligation to this person.  She is a grown woman and has family in the area, and is more than capable of taking care of the issue all on her own.

I decided that I would just let the whole thing go, since I didn’t want to go through the motions of assisting her.  That was really hard to do, because all of my training told me I was being unneighborly, and I was being selfish, and what’s the big deal?  Just do it.

And then there was a little bit of that sticky, icky stuff….”but what if I need help and then the neighbors won’t be there for me….blah blah blah.”

AND THEN THE GUILT

I did give into the voice, and I knocked on the other neighbor’s door to get the information from her, but there was no answer.  I even walked outside a few times after five, because she often went out for some air during the evenings.

No luck.  At that point I just surrendered to letting it go.  And I noticed that there was this relief, that I didn’t have to do the caretaking any more.

I realized that it’s not just distancing myself from others, it’s also letting go of the notion that I had to make them feel more comfortable.  I had to accommodate them.

There was a part of me that felt safe in that role.  But that part of me was no longer serving me.  Or anyone else.   The part of me that responds to neediness in others.

I know it’s the light-worker gene, and the woman gene…a double whammy.

Photo by Maria Chambers

But a good friend helped me to see that it’s actually a gift to the others, when I allow them their own sovereignty.  And not take on their unprocessed emotions.

So, I gave myself permission to just let it go, just let it all go.

This morning I walked outside to my car, and there was Amy, my neighbor who I wanted to ask about a good mechanic.  She had one, gave me their name, said they were very honest and reliable, and said, to use her name as a reference.

And they also could tow Melody’s car for her.

I sat in my car, and began to write the information onto a piece of paper, and intended to leave the note at Melody’s door.  Before I could get past the first sentence, Melody was approaching my car.

She was getting a ride from someone and spotted me.

I said I was just about to leave the note at her door, and she took the information with a hearty thank you.

So, there it is.  Easy peasy.

© Copyright 2018 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. P!ease feel free to share this content within others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers, http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Almost a decade later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

20 thoughts on “Easy Peasy

  1. Yes, that one is a bit tricky to navigate. Glad you wrote about it. It’s not often spoken/written 🙂

  2. Wow Maria, so timely for me. I SO understand what you’re saying here. Being a lightworker and woman is a double whammy!

    I want a friend like that! LOL. I can see that allowing my kids their sovereignty is a great thing, but I still struggle sometimes with needing to be there for others. I try to remind myself I can be a safe space for others to process, but to not take it on, to let it pass through me. I always seem to be the one others feel safe to talk.

    I’m currently noticing this pattern with my family of origin. I’m the only girl with 3 brothers and as I previsouly said, my mom died a few weeks ago. I noticed (I try to always NOTICE instead of blame myself) my behavior with them yesterday, while talking to two of them. One tried at one point to put me in that “You’re too sensitive, you’re taking things wrong (as a femaile, of course) category and I called him on it. Its so funny how unconscious my brothers are. He put down my dad for being a certain way, than admitted he was the very same way! Than I talked to the other brother (God knows why!) and heard myself emoting a lot and complaining about a caretaker they’ve used. I felt embarased I was so emotional about it. I had to forgive myself for that, allowing myself to be who I am.

    I just need to allow everyone to play out their scenarios in the way they choose to without getting involved.

    Its not easy, as I can get unconsciously actived with the old energy they bring up in me.

    Its acute for me because I KNOW what it feels like to feel bliss, to know everyting is exactly as its meant to me. The contrast is startling when I interact with them.

    • Sherry, I can relate totally. When it comes to family especially, all the buttons can get pushed. I know they say that you can just ‘allow’ others to be who they are, but, realistically, it doesn’t work that well, especially when they are so unconscious.

      Like I say often, we become more and more discerning as we become more conscious. As we allow more consciousness into our body and our lives, we are not necessarily going to be more patient, or more tolerant.

      Not that we have to wrestle with them and argue with them, because we know that really doesn’t work anyway, but we end up just spending less and less time with them.

      When I see someone from my past, it’s nice to visit with them for awhile, but I also find myself wanting to call them out on their Bullshit. Haha.

      So, glad you are not being hard on yourself for being yourself. Maybe at a certain point in this process we will no longer get triggered, but meanwhile, let ‘er rip.

      • Thanks so much Maria. I get mad at myself sometimes cause I SO SO know better. But then I love myself and remind myself I’m just activated by the old shit. I cannot tolerate bull shit anymore. I’m a total truth teller. I will not hide who I am.

        I do have to remember they don’t see things I see. They are sovereign and need to make their own choices. I’m not the one to lead them out of the darkness.

        No, it definately doesn’t work to play their game. I’ve stopped that shit. I won’t back down now.

        Yes, short visits are best!

        Ah to not be triggered! The good thing is even while I’m triggered, I notice what’s going on. There’s a part of me who’s always very observant; seeing the TRUTH!

    • Hi Mom2bzs,

      I read your response, too. Let me tell you something. My mom died in 2013, and by that point I had been a hospice nurse for 22 years. What’s true: I was totally unprepared. I was not excused from a human process called grief…nor were my siblings. All of us…our psychological selves all regressed. This is called normal grief under stress. Death of a parent is almost always very stressful. In our family, Our histories together and separately did not protect us, nor did our personal “Journeys” diminish much from this other thing called “Loosing Mom” (or dad…or bother…or best friend).” It affected us all. And that’s normal. It can also really bring out our worst (and it can also bring out our best…this thing called grief)

      I Share this in empathy…utter empathy. When I finally came out of my grief (which Ironically my hospice nursing complicated because I was in constant internal conflict with all that I “Know” and all that I actually “Felt and experienced personally.” So much had been resolved with regarding my family of origin regarding “Mom.” it was weird.

      One thing about grief though…natural grief (not what they tell you grief is, but rather how it is for you and your family)…is that it is a really important part of healing. And so…everyone involved is going through this process in their own way. Sometimes…it gets really really ugly.

      My brother…who had always been passive changed…became angry…stubborn and implacable (very much like my mother) which was a trigger for me…and this is still on going, but it lit up our history…and I’m learning (healing). His grief is still there. My sister? Matured (totally co-dependant on my mother about which I had great resentment)…but now…she’s golden though still I keep a distance but with more respect and greater hope for her.

      I hope this helps.

      Thanks for letting me share.

      • Aw Ian, thank you so so much for sharing! I have a close friend who’s a retired hospice nurse who helped me through the process. I can totally see how you thought your training would help.

        I hear what you’re saying, this grief brings out some shit in people. I’ve seen it with a lot of people. The thing that made it easier for me (if you can call it that) is that my mother made me her emotional caretaker (me being the only girl) years ago and I started realizing it 20 years ago, maybe more. She was very manipulative and passive aggressive. I didn’t realize when I was younger how empathic I was; how I KNEW the truth from others, even when they were consciously or unconsciously bull shitting me. My mom had dementia and had tons of health problems for years. She almost died 10 years ago. The past 2 years I started really grieving the relationship I could never have with her, so I did a lot of grieving before she died. I distanced myself from her also. So when she passed, I had done a lot of the grieving. It was a very hard process to realize that. I’m still sad, but its not a new process for me and I think it would have been a lot worse without all the processing I did.

        I really really appreciate your sharing. Thank you!

        Yes, I do understand triggers! So interesting to hear you talk of your sister. since I’m the only girl. I stopped being dependent on my mom years ago, when I realized the game and how much energy she sucked from me. Although its funny, my brothers have been jealous of me being the only girl, little do they know how hard it was for me. I couldn’t possibly expect them to understand, being the boys. Also the double standard is there.

        I understand keeping a distance! I’ve never felt a part of my family. I remember being young and feeling alienated and the energy I felt as a child, as an empath would.

        I appreciate you sharing. It really helps!

  3. I just say to myself, loudly, NOT MY BUSINESS………

    HEEHEE

    Thanks for this great reminder.

    loving me, loving us all

  4. Personally, I’m glad you followed through and kept your word but for only that reason. Care giving aside, I feel the guilt and the obligation most deeply if I don’t keep my word on something. Anything else…I pretty much follow what Elizabeth says…”It’s not my business…”…unless I choose to make it my business…and then It’s about keeping my word…which is a practice in personal integrity.

    In my youth, I was super flaky sometimes. But that was before I got a solid grip on my personal boundaries and learned to avoid over obligation by simply saying “no” which was incredibly hard to do for many many years! I still feel bad saying NO…but I will when I don’t have a yes in me.

    Oh hell! I’m a nurse. I got that “Care giving gene,” too, damn it! But I choose to do this as my profession. It’s served me very well over the years on many many levels…and…I think when we get into the fluency of being a caregiver (I’m an Ace at it), well…then you can say your fluent…nothing really else left to learn about it…and when you are so fluent then you know the nuances of WHEN saying YES…AND NO are right.

    At this point, When is it right to say yes and no when you find yourself in Ace Number one Care giving fluency??? When ever the hell you wanna say yes…or no, because in this place of fluency…you truly have the ability to discern or simply choose when is right and wrong!

    When do you know your NOT fluent? When guilt, shame…”perceived” obligation are what drive all your answers to external needs as always YES….even as it carry’s you past your breaking point (Over and over and over and over again). GROAN!!!

    And yet still…it’s a good thing to say yes just to be nice. If you say yes to an energy feeder…just realize that you’ll have to say no at some point. If they get mad? “You gotta kick rocks now ‘cause you gotta get it on your own at some point!”

    I learned that as a prison nurse! It wasn’t all that bad (even though it almost killed me…I had to almost die of a stroke before I conceded that, YES…I gotta learn to say NO NO NO!

    Amen.

    Love you all for letting me share!!! Thanks Maria. I got a real chuckle outta this one!!!

    • Ian, your amazing experiences of ‘caregiving’ ….from a higher perspective….I’m sure you can write quite a great book about it…how you learned to set boundaries. Because in my life I have known a few professional caretakers and most of them burned out because they couldn’t set boundaries.

      and I relate to you having to almost die before saying , NO.

      I was a caretaker (emotionally and physically) extraordinaire myself, but unfortunately I didn’t get paid for it. I volunteered. And I also had to get almost deathly ill before I gave myself permission to say NO.

      And interesting point about following through and keeping my word. Because I was wrestling with that. I was so resistant to following through, but what I didn’t know at the time was I didn’t have to struggle with following through. Knocking on the neighbors door, trying to track her down, that felt like a NO to me.

      So I honored my decision to just let it go and let it work itself out, not really knowing what that meant logistically.

      And so this morning I got up, did my usual routine of getting ready to go out for coffee, I descend the staircase and there the neighbor is. I get the info from her, I go to my car, trying to decide how to get the info to the neighbor with the car issue, and viola. There SHE is, she appears almost like magic, I hand her the info, and it’s done.

      It seems when I stopped trying to micromanage it, it just fell almost magically into place. Because the split second timing of all of us running into each other couldn’t have been orchestrated by the mind.

      It’s like, when you take the mind out of the equation, it all works so much better.

    • Oh yes Ian, I understand the guilt and shame route. I don’t do that anymore. I’m sure there’s a lot of talk of me behind my back in the family of origin about what I “should” do as the only girl. But too bad. That’s about their expectations about what a woman should do. I became the black sheep years ago by following my gut. Even when others got pissed off.

      Energy feeders! Oh yes, I know them!!!!!!!!! I’ve had friends like that. Not anymore.

      I bet you’re a dam good nurse Ian :o)

    • “and then It’s about keeping my word…which is a practice in personal integrity.”

      I agree. I keep my word as well and I hate it when other people don’t, that’s why I do it. Also, like you, I belive it’s part of personal integrity. I used to be much more flaky when I was younger as well. Just need to get rid of that impulsive help reflex sometimes lol.

  5. I’m still chuckling! What a GREAT story!!!!😜🤪

  6. Oh Maria! I think that is the MOST WONDERFUL MIRACLE! You DID keep your word! And IT STILL FELL INTO PLACE! Little things like what happened to you in this instant, to me, is just something saying “Hey…see? You’re covered no matter what!”

    I’ve heard that synchronicity is one of those mystical indicators that you are going along just as you ought to be. It’s like it’s saying…”Yes, you are exactly right.”

    Easy Peasy!! And you are exactly right (as this very same synchronicity you shared is telling us all now) because it’s our busy minds that get in the way when we simply don’t listen to the deeper truths we actually know. You knew all along….

    …and you kept your word to boot! That’s two in one shot! Your a good shot!!! BULLS EYE!

    My aim is getting better, too….but not quite 2:2 yet…not quite most of the time, but getting closer to it at least. LOL

    • It is a great reminder that the Universe will take care of things when we get out of the way and stop the obligation route.

      I’ve had so many experiences that have worked out great when I stop the mental mastrubation!

    • Yeah, Ian, seems like in the new energy we find ourselves in, we can’t keep using the mind like we had before, it seems to kick us in the butt. Like we’re being pushed into being aligned with our soul. A soul-driven reality. 💕

  7. Very timely for me, too. because I recently had a situation where my reflex to help was very quick. It was no big deal, my neighbour left for holiday and I offered to give her keys to the guy that was staying in her flat while she was away. Not gonna lie, I also did that in case I need someone who will do that for me if I want to let out my flat (via bnb for example) while I’m away, so it would be a give and take in this case and she did offer afterwards to do that when I’m away. I am a believer in “one hand washes the other”.
    What did annoy me is the fact that I was overdoing it: I texted her asking when that guy is going to come and thinking about it, whether I’m gonna be home, blah blah. So basically doing mental work that was completely unnecessary. All in all it really isn’t such a massive deal, but I have a tendency to be a control freak and wanting to micro manage their stuff so your article is a good reminder to become more aware of this.
    What I also noticed is that I like to help when it’s spontaneous but I don’t like it when there is sth. that I need to think of to do later or over a course of time, leaving me with a “mental load” and the feeling of responsibility. That is what I am going to stop doing, even though I don’t really do it much anymore.

  8. I understand what you’re saying Kat. I like my help to come organically.

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