Soulsoothinsounds's Blog

For those awakening divine humans

Moving On From The Guilt Game

19 Comments

Image Credit Maria Chambers

For most of my life I thought that my sense of guilt was a product of my upbringing,  my parents wielded guilt in an attempt to keep me from doing things they deemed inappropriate.  And, to their credit, they were trying to protect me from what they perceived as a dangerous world, especially for a female.

So I carried that guilt with me throughout my life, trying to extract it from my being. Eventually I began to realize that guilt has been part of the human condition, and it afflicted just about everyone to one degree or another.

The emotion of guilt had its origin in the initial separation from source.  When we each individuated in an attempt to become sovereign beings.  Source wanted to separate itself into endless individual aspects in order to experience itself.  Which was great, but the problem was, then those aspects, which eventually included us humans, forgot who we were and started to feel like we did something wrong.

Because we didn’t feel spirit anymore.   I won’t go into it.  It’s a whole thing,

And so there is also the manufactured guilt that was being wielded in order to keep people in line.  Religions especially enjoyed their version.  You know, the whole sin, guilt and damnation thing.  But then, there are always those who kind of enjoy being controlled.  The idea of thinking for themselves is, well, unthinkable!

But just because guilt is not real, it doesn’t mean it hasn’t directed our thoughts, and our actions.  How many times did we give into it?  How often did it stop us from doing something, in our heart, we knew we would really enjoy?

How often did we compromise our own joy because of that emotion?  What kind of impact has it had on our physical health?

You may have noticed something about guilt.  That it is going away.  Maybe not completely yet, but it seems to no longer have the grip it once did.  Of course some of us have been more susceptible to it than others.  No matter.  Once it begins fading into the distance, it will never affect us in that compelling way again.

More and more we are acting from a place of joy, not obligation.   So there may still be some residual guilt but now it doesn’t stop us from trusting our choices.

A98BD53F-876D-4AE7-AB2B-7ED224701ED0

Image Credit Maria Chambers

I noticed something interesting about the emotion.  It is seductive.  It’s a self-inflicted punishment, and it serves a purpose.  If we are busy feeling guilty about something, we don’t have to deal with the actual issues.  One of which is self-trust, and self-respect.

For me, it has mostly involved relationships.  In my own awakening, I have let go of many people in my life.  Not from a place of anger, but just from a place of knowing it was time to move on.

Doing that was particularly difficult for me, what with my history of guilt.  In fact, the releasing of those people, family, friends, husbands, lovers….was more of a gradual process.

After the breakups, some kept resurfacing in my life.  One in particular was becoming stalky.  Maybe my guilt kept subconsciously pulling him back in.

The guilt was telling me that I was not trusting my own decisions.  The choice to move on from many relationships for me was perfect for my own awakening process.  Of course it’s hard to explain that to those who are not at the same stage of this process.

They end up taking it personally.  And they tried to make me the bad guy for their own reasons, and part of me took the bait.  I have been accused of being unconscious of my own motives, and they somehow knew better than me what those motives are.

And the game ensued, because they were perceptive enough to notice that I still had some of that guilt going on.

To simplify, the script read, they feel abandoned and I feel guilty.  Rinse and repeat.

So guilt is a game, and it requires at least two players.  Because if one player opts out, the game is over.  Then the other player will just get tired or bored, and go home, or go find another player.

Guilt and feeling abandoned also requires a love of drama.  There is lots of that involved.  Because those who feel abandoned love playing victim.  And they love pointing the finger at the bad, bad person who disappointed them.

Those who feel abandoned are using the emotion of anger to avoid their feelings of sadness, or abandonment.  It’s easier to blame someone else than to face themselves.

Feeling guilty in its own way is also playing victim.

Guilt is a way to avoid the responsibility of being aligned with our soul.  Because guilt is not an emotion the soul feels.  To our soul, guilt is not real.

Nor is the emotion of feeling abandoned.

So, guilt.  It’s not real.  It has no place in the new consciousness.  It’s not going to influence our choices anymore, and it’s not going to erode our sense of joy.

When we move on from relationships (even just emotionally, initially) there is a period of sadness and grieving on the human’s part that needs to be honored.  And it could take some time.  But the sooner the sense of guilt is out of the picture, the quicker we can move on.

I have noticed that those people who kept showing up after the breakup don’t seem to be around anymore.  I suspect it has something to do with my confidence in my decisions.  I am, after all, a wise human angel.

So, we wise human angels are moving on from guilt, and for some moving on from feeling abandoned.  Both emotions no longer serve us.

© Copyright 2018 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Almost a decade later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

19 thoughts on “Moving On From The Guilt Game

  1. Anita Moorjani about Guilt: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ehs-6vmbizE

    I recently had a nasty nasty ugly Run in with a would-be family member (baby mama of my husband’s son).

    She’s a 30 year old mother of two infants, and they had lived with us for 18 months…UNTIL missy started power tripping and using her kids (weaponized children is not pretty) as a thief and swindler creates a dummy “Go-Fund-Me to support an evil occult agenda. Insidious!!!

    Making too much noise meant “You don’t care about your grandchildren.” Turning on the light when the children were crying to see what was up was…”You don’t care about your grandchildren.” When she was upset with baby daddy, “You don’t care about our sons, I’m taking MY sons” and out she’d go to her own mother’s.

    One day…not long ago (catalyst moment), She came down stairs in a rage, for I was cleaning house for guests that would come for a BBQ. “You woke the baby (she was all tore up looking for lack of sleep…so, yeah…I get it), AND I’M NOT HAPPY!!”

    “I’m really sorry. I just wanted to get the house cleaned up because we have guests coming.” I WAS SHOCKED! Had my ear phones on. I HATE house work chores, and music makes it Nom noms for me. I was in my own world…cleaning. That is what I cared about. I wasn’t thinking of anything else as is my way when I am cleaning (get this shit DONE).

    “YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN!!!”

    I completely snapped, but my mind was crystal clear in an intention! “YOU DON’T CARE THAT I HAVE GUESTS COMING!”

    To which she replied…AND REPEATED several times…”I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN!!!”

    As it turned out, she had her cell phone in her pocket…active and dialed in so baby daddy could hear the whole thing. WAH????

    My husband…was listening to the whole thing too. He called me childish, and he said I fell for her manipulation (he was aware of what she was doing…the whole cell phone thing, but…hell…I said…”I will not be emotionally blackmailed (period)!”

    “Not acting like a child, No…acting like a betrayed adult who is super pissed off by being manipulated (period)!”

    And so…it all went down hill after that. They moved out! And…being in their Thirties, having two children under their father’s roof and rules, I can see her deeper purpose…to get out and on her (their own)…which is normal and right. “God works in mysterious ways…” so the saying goes.

    But the initial GUILT! Using children as a nuclear level weapon to inflate guilt towards my very core???!!! I’M TOO OLD TO PLAY THAT GAME, BUT IT WAS THERE FOR SURE!

    God was with me though because, by happenstance shortly after I Then came upon that Anita Moorjani video about guilt…A TRUE GOD SEND!!

    No more guilt! It is was essentially validating every thing you are saying, Maria…and I am SO AMAZED that you bring this topic up…SUPER AMAZED!

    Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you…for your healing words!

    AMEN!!!!!!!

    • So, t.k., sounds like you didn’t take the bait from the master manipulator. Congrats! And, it seems obvious she was projecting her own sense of guilt onto you. Maybe SHE doesn’t care about the kids as much as she thinks she SHOULD. And, on another note, great idea playing music with headphones while cleaning. Think I’ll try that myself next time I clean. Let’s see, that would be next year at this time. Hahaha.

      • It was a very strange moment when I snapped, Maria. It’s hard to explain. My response was so…intuitive. My core exploded with a crystal clear response, and in that moment it felt completely correct!

        I didn’t mention the degree of loathsome sarcasm I’d injected. THE POINT: Feel the pain of YOUR intention!

        I DID feel guilt, but not for what she accused me of. I was hurting her…it hurts when one isn’t getting what one wants…it can hurt when one withholds what one knows the other wants.

        We have all talked about the importance of boundaries. It’s important to hold true to them in the presence of those that would invade our lives in way that are detrimental to us…about which we do grow fluent through many trials and errors.

        Ironically I DO very much care about family, children…mothers and fathers…their struggles.

        GUILT!

        And…like I mentioned before about compassion and what I have come to know of it. Intention counts (big picture). Kindness is the least important aspect of compassion when you have experienced another exploiting your kindness.

        So complicated to explain.

        Thanks for understanding…about cleaning house (ROFL). I bet if she knew how great my own suffering was that morning, she might have reconsidered her approach and would have been kinder to me…ROFLMAO!

        HA HA HA!!!

  2. Great post Maria, on point as always!

    ‘Of course some of us have been more susceptible to it than others.’…..

    I have an inkling that guilt is very closely related to empathy. The more empathic, the more liable to experience guilt…..primarily because empaths actually feel other peoples’ emotions and actually KNOW how the other person is feeling.

    ‘So there may still be some residual guilt but now it doesn’t stop us from trusting our choices.
    I noticed something interesting about the emotion.  It is seductive.  It’s a self-inflicted punishment, and it serves a purpose.  If we are busy feeling guilty about something, we don’t have to deal with the actual issues.  One of which is self-trust, and self-respect.’….

    This is so true…I suspect that as our self-love and self-respect grows, we are able to then loosen the grip that guilt has on us. Guilt is incompatible with self-love, so maybe how much our guilt has diminished is a good indicator of how much more we are able to love ourselves.

    Also interesting that psychopaths/sociopaths, by their own admission, have no empathy, feel no guilt and have high self-esteem.

    ‘The emotion of guilt had its origin in the initial separation from source’…..

    Perhaps the closer one is to Source, the more empathic and the more prone to guilt (before we learn that guilt is damaging and a waste of energy.)

    ‘So guilt is a game, and it requires at least two players.’….

    So true. When it is wielded as a weapon it requires engagement by the other person, or as you say, it just doesn’t work.

    One thing about guilt I’ve noticed is that guilt is often felt for the IMAGINED or ANTICIPATED reaction of the other person (both the other person’s feelings AND their possible practical response.) The imagined feelings of the other person are projected by us, based on either our experience of our own feelings in the past (everyone) or our prior experience of other peoples’ feelings (empaths only.) So sometimes guilt can be done by ourselves with the other thought-to-be hurt or disappointed person not being hurt or disappointed at all. A friend thought he had disappointed me and said that he felt bad and I said it was fine and I felt he was reasonable. He said, ‘If you say so.’ He just couldn’t escape the guilty feeling even when I’d said there was nothing to feel guilty about. That’s the strength of conditioning that people are up against coming out of guilt.

    There’s also a big connection to fear….often the guilt about our ‘wrong-doing’ moves into fear of what the repercussions might be and we are not actually feeling guilty any more, but anxious or afraid.

    Such a massive subject, thanks for addressing it Maria, Big Love xxx

    • Really great points, Gail. Thank you for that perspective. 💜

    • GAIL!

      “I suspect that as our self-love and self-respect grows, we are able to then loosen the grip that guilt has on us. Guilt is incompatible with self-love, so maybe how much our guilt has diminished is a good indicator of how much more we are able to love ourselves.”

      (Finger to nose). I just came to that conclusion recently, TOO!

      Has everyone noticed this “Growth Spirt” we’re going through?

      Remember when we were in our teens (oh so so so long ago), and waking up in the middle of the night with our joints ACHING…that deep…heavy aching?

      SO MUCH IS COMING OUT!!

  3. Thanks dearest Sistar!!! I love you! It is such a comfort to read what you write and know you are out there in the world. AND that you f’in get stuff.

    Joy joy joy joy joy………………..no more guilt. I really needed to read this today as I just got a little passive aggressive attack, oh so subtle, on FB in a group I have been spending a lot of time in. It sure gives me a clear message about where I am supposed to put my energy. The beauty for them is no matter how I respond they will appear to be in the right. Ha! All good. I responded innocently and kindly. Thank you Spirit for letting me get that message. I’ve been giving that FB group way too much energy and losing way too much sleep.

    YAY!

    love you tons!
    loving us all!
    E

  4. I know what you speak of, siSTAR! I am familiar with the passive aggressive stuff. Sometimes it’s couched in unsolicited advice, or ‘sage wisdom’ by those who claim to know us better than we know ourselves. But it’s often just their attempt to project their own issues onto us. And, yes, we can try to explain ourselves to them, but they generally won’t budge from their perspective.

    I noticed this pattern with someone in my life who I eventually had to walk away from. They had a sweet and compassionate side, but tried too many times to use the P.A. attitude. They kept trying to pull me back into their drama, and when I didn’t concede, they accused me of not facing my own issues.

    I too tried being polite in my response, but there came a point where I was blunt. Didn’t spare their feelings. Which made me feel pretty guilty. Haha.

    And, surprise, surprise, they still didn’t get it. I am convinced some folks live in their own reality bubble and it’s inpenetrable. Bless them.

    So good for you for withdrawing your energies and getting a good nights sleep. Lol.

    And I love you too, dear angel. 💜

    • What a great space this is……as Tricky Kitty says. Or are you Ian? I clicked on your page Pedestrian Prophet.

      My dear mentor called those passive aggressive types of humans “Sneaky Sadists”. Which is an intense name but if you sit with it for a bit you will see the truth in that. I think this also fits with the Narcissistic Personalities, also.

      Sometimes walking away is the ONLY WAY~~~ Yay to you dear Sistar.

      love love love…….

      Maria-you are one of the rocks and delights of my life. muah

      PS. I thought you might appreciate that I had basically stopped trying to be in touch with my dad. I have not seen him for close to 25 years. His neighbor, a true angel, got in touch with me through Facebook. She completely understands my reluctance to be in a careful relationship with him. As she put it, “I couldn’t do this for my mom.”

      Anyway, my finally talked to my dad on the phone a couple of weeks ago and I don’t think he really knew who I was. His dementia has reached that point. He just turned 86 and I sent him a book. He used to be a builder so I sent him a small home book that had plans in it. I thought he might be able to reach back and get it. She sent me photos and I swear I can’t remember the last time my dad looked THAT HAPPY!!! YAY!

      The blessing here is the Dementia doesn’t have to be a bad thing……My dad is taken care of. They are ensuring that he can die in his little home, neighbors and caregivers are there. All perfect.

      love love love

      • Dang, Elisabeth!

        Note to self: Always remember to let someone know the blessing they offer through an enlightened heart!

        The lightness of heart you expressed is very enlightening.

        For my mother, I felt bitterness while she lived. When she died, my mind fell apart, and there I found my wound…and it was healed through the laughter I heard as I remembered her. I loved my mother’s laugh. It is now my strongest memory of her.

        I love love love what you said,

        Ian

        • T.k. That’s really cool about your moms laugh. And beautiful how you allowed yourself to feel into the wound and thus heal it after she died.

          I dare say most of us didn’t have ideal relationships with our moms. But I have always said it’s so much easier to get along with them when their dead. Haha. No disrespect of course. But it’s really true because there is no longer that mother son, or mother daughter thing that gets in the way.

          It’s just two souls sharing their love with one another. Bless us all.

          • (Heart felt laugh). EXACTLY TRUE! There is no disrespect in acknowledging what is self evident in our lives.

            Mothers are special though. For me it was very love/hate…no balance between us.

            Life IS love…it is the source of the love we know…and it, as well as we grow in life as we forge our way through it…finding courage in the face of fear, finding redemption despite failure…finding acceptance within ourselves despite opposition by others…all the trials these may illicit…

            This is life. And that is love.

          • Beautifully said, t.k. And so true, mothers are special. It took me a long time to feel into the wound I carried around relative to my mother. There is no other connection that can feel so deep and so painful. I’m finally becoming the mother to myself that I had always wanted.

      • SiSTAR, the story about your dad brought tears to my eyes. So nice to hear he is being taken care of. And agreed, dementia is not a bad thing. In fact it’s actually misunderstood by most people.

        It’s actually a way for people who reach a stage of life where they are easing into their transition. So they slowly detach from this reality, and are exploring the next one. To others it seems sad, because it seems they are no longer recognized by dad or mom as their son, or daughter, etc. but what happens is on a soul level, they are eternally connected to us. On a personality level, they don’t see that as a priority anymore.

        It’s actually pretty cool. My mom had dementia years before she passed. I would visit her at the nursing home, and although she didn’t recognize me, she never looked happier.

        It’s a shame the dementia isn’t seen for what it is. And that these folks are simply preparing themselves for their imminent and inevitable transition. Shedding their bodies, and moving into the next experience.

        We don’t really lose them, since we are all going that way each in our own time.

        Love to you my friend.💜

  5. Maria, Elizabeth and Gail,

    Today I feel deeply privileged to be privy to Maria’s “Safe Space.” I dont mean to imply what that has come to mean in general world view which is mean. Truly, this is a good place to share Ideas. Thanks Maria for being such a GREAT facilitator! And everyone that participates shares with many exalted virtues; primarily courage, openness, empathy, authenticity and a liberality that is truly open minded and open hearted. In a nut shell, that makes this a very compassionate place; in the deeper spectrum of what compassion may be allowed to express…holistically.

    Yesterday I, too, was engaged throughout the day on a blog site that was very focused against a certain religious group; and in this country that is a group not often spoken ill of as our country was founded on the principles of said religion. The blogger’s faith, ironically, is founded in the historical origins of this nation’s founding religious tenants (barring conspiracy theories that abound these days…weather fact or not, it’s hard to say anymore)

    I’d never found such charged rhetoric in the assertion of historical facts about this religion he hated so much; facts we actually know and by which he asserted so vehemently and to such a degree as to claim that his aim was to prove a certain religion ss satanic. Talk about mind blowing!!!

    At first, it was very interesting to debate. I did my best to stick to principles, and he asserted “Facts” of history.

    After hours, My mind was squelched because to argue from the side of principles is inherently mailable (which I prefer), and facts are facts but despite the “Fact” they, too may be interpreted subjectively as one wills and as subjective world view has taught someone to believe about “Fact.”

    6 hours of this back and forth all day long. I eventually gave up; at first dejected. But then, to my Suprise, my spirit rallied within “My Self,” and I remembered what I believe, why I believe what I believe and that my own life is testimony of the valid purpose of my own belief; is real and works “For me.”

    And this, in no way, opposed the writer and founder of the blog I’d engaged. He, too…made his case for his own reasons.

    One thing I truly believe in as was fostered in my career is how important it can be to not pull or unwind too many threads bound up in another’s belief system. A) it can unwind them and leave them weak and (B) retaliation is more the likely outcome. Being Unwound or wound up is no joke. And it’s not needed anyway.

    Thanks for sharing and letting me share. This place you created, Maria is a real treasure.

    Peace

    • Amen to this!! Thank you Maria 💙💚💜

    • Wow, t.k., that was an interesting, albeit intense experience. And coming out of it with the insight and wisdom that elevates your vibration is key. Kudos. These debates with others whose perspectives seem so different than ours will pull us into drama which is a frequency we are moving away from.

      I have been tempted a few time myself to insert my perspective on certain YouTube channels in the hope of challenging their prevailing viewpoint. And, occasionally I give in…..it feels good in the moment, but then afterwards it feels like, well, like you said so well, our life is testimony to our own perspectives and really that is most important.

      In terms of unravelling or unwinding their beliefs, as you say it serves only to deepen their own convictions, or worse, retaliation. Good point.

      And, it is so nice to hear that this space provides such comfort and safety for you to be yourself and share your experiences.

      • Thanks for your artistry and creative ability to allow addition to what is already inspired; in that, inspiring.

        Much esteem to you M’Dear!

  6. SISTAR…♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕ Because I know you love it.

    Muah

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s