Soulsoothinsounds's Blog

For those awakening divine humans

The Mind As Dictator



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If women make up more than half the planet’s population, why are they still treated for the most part like second-class citizens? If more people than not believe in liberty and equality for all, why is it that they are being controlled by authoritarian-leaning governments?

So why don’t most governments reflect their citizens?

We can say it’s for the most part a patriarchal planet. Which is true. But still, most people are not really interested in oppressing women, blacks, people of color, people in the LGBTQ community, immigrants, or anyone who falls under the top rung on the patriarchy’s hierarchical ladder.

So, what gives?

As we know, everything we see on the outside, manifested world is a reflection of what is going on within. This is an indisputable law of the universe. It’s what duality is built on. Reality follows consciousness.

So, a patriarchal system by its definition rejects its feminine component. It’s a mental, mind-based perspective on life. It excludes the heart and the soul for the most part. Essentially, it’s unbalanced.

And, as many of us have discovered, the mind, when operating on its own, without the benefit of the heart and the soul, will attempt to control even those parts of itself that are expressing from the heart and the soul.

It will be struggling and warring with itself. What it denies within itself, it externalizes, or projects onto others. Which is undeniably imbalanced.  And it’s clearly what we see as those in power and their supporters project their own shortcomings onto others.

According to them, brown immigrants, religious groups, gays, blacks, Jews, and women are dangerously out of control.

When we look at the world’s governments, many of them lean toward authoritarianism, even In those called democracies. We see it in the so-called land of the free and the brave, the USA.

Now we are seeing American legislators and their Evangelical supporters attempting to put women’s rights in more peril than in Saudi Arabia.

In other words, if allowed, the imbalanced mind can become the cartoon level villain.  There could not be a better cartoon level villain than Donald Trump.

And I say cartoon, because he is an embarrassing bafoon, who represents the worst of the white, arrogant, privileged male.  The toxic masculine wrapped up in a package of corruption, lack of intelligence, appalling ineptitude, and dangerous narcissism.

We saw it as Kavanaugh was given the position in the highest court in the land…..a position that would influence and impact women’s lives for decades to come…..despite his lack of qualifications, his obvious lies to Congress, his treatment toward women, and his behaving like a petulant child.

But, it’s what you get when you don’t have any checks and balances from the heart and soul. You get the worst parts of an imbalanced mind elected into the highest positions in the world.


This is a great lesson in understanding what happens when we allow the mind to dictate our fate. If the mind is revered as a a god, as omnipotent, we can expect to move closer and closer to losing our freedom altogether.

It can get pretty embarrassing.

When people give into their fears, which as we know, the mind is an expert at creating crises that don’t really exist, they end up sacrificing their own freedom. They end up allowing the mind to dictate their lives.

The mind can become the dictator of our life, and it happens slowly, over time, until we don’t even recognize it is happening.

We end up believing in the fears manufactured by the mind. And it’s not that we don’t have the other parts, the heart and the soul. Because we do.  In fact, the soul is actually who we ARE.  And that part we can depend on.  In other words, the ‘majority’ of our being is free already.  And, it can be trusted with that freedom.

But if we allow it, the limited mind, the part of the mind that is in fear, will begin to control the totality of who we are. Just like oppressive government will seem to control an entire nation.

And, of course that governing body represents the parts of the populace that subscribe to the fear. And, they are usually not the majority of the governed.

So with the mind, it will seem that its beliefs represent who we really are. But those beliefs for the most part are all about fear and distrust. They are all about limitation. And, rest assured, that is not who we really are.

So, the question is, then, who are we electing to govern our own life? What part of our mind are we allowing to dictate our behaviors and our choices?

Most people don’t want a dictator for their leader. Yet they seem to find themselves living under a dictatorship within their own mind.



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As we move into our freedom, as we awaken we still continue, to a degree, to allow the mind to control us. It’s not easy to let that go completely.  Not to be hard on ourselves, because we are in the process of building a trust with those other parts of us, the parts that are more real than the mind….our sovereign heart, and our soul.

And we are not going to throw the mind out.

It comes with us, but now it gets to relax and allow those other parts, the heart and the soul, to figure life out. The micromanaging will become a distant memory.

The mind can then work in co-operation with the soul, and will no longer need to do battle with it. It can put the sword down.

Meanwhile, when the old, conditioned mind tries to provoke fear in us, by telling us things are hopeless, or there are not enough resources, we know better now. We know that those fears are not real, just as we know certain political leaders like using fear to rally and manipulate their supporters.

Those leaders attempt to manufacture crises where they don’t exist.

We see it clearly and call it out when it’s in the daily news, but we tend to not recognize it when we give into the fake crises within our mind.

So, are we choosing our heart and soul to govern our being? And allowing the mind to do what it was initially designed to do, to help us to navigate this physical reality, and do the technical stuff?  Will we allow the mind to now be in service to our sovereign heart and our soul?

If the answer is YES, then it’s a vote for personal freedom.

© Copyright 2018 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers

Author: soulsoothinsounds

Our lives are like great paintings or great pieces of music. If we focus on all the technical 'imperfections' we will miss the true beauty of the work. We won't see, or rather, FEEL the essence and spirit of the masterpiece. I no longer identify myself as a writer, artist, or musician. Rather I express my divinity, and my humanity through the media of art, music and writing. I began this blog because I wanted to give voice to my experiences and insights, and I wrote for myself primarily. Almost a decade later, I am still writing for myself, and I am discovering that my experiences are not personal but universal - galactic even. And now I am more sure than ever that I am a new consciousness teacher, as each of you are. The way we teach is by going through the very human experiences, and as we ascend and shed our old selves, with love, and as we embody spirit in this lifetime, which we are all doing, we become the standards for others of the new divine human.

53 thoughts on “The Mind As Dictator

  1. Great post Maria. I recently went through a situation where my mind try to inundate me with fear; saying the result will be the same, remember what happened before, blah, blah, blah. It turned out much better than I thought! It was such a lesson for me in trusting the Universe, trusting my power. I grew up with parents who had a lot of fear, they always waited for the other shoe to drop. I really think this situation came up to help me confront those fears, look them straight in the eye, and let them go. Now when the fears come up, I do what I do when I meditate, look at them as a cloud going by. I’m more successful at certain times than others, but the intention is there.

  2. Love it. I read the first paragraph and I heard internally, “old habits die hard”. Ha!

    Mom2bzs: That is awesome. I tend to see my thoughts as clouds floating by when I meditate…… 🙂

    Working together….mind, body, soul, heart.

    For me it seems to be a tie with heart and soul……then mind and body.

    I had a vision several years ago that my guides sent me…..they said, “jump off the cliff and we’ll catch you.” But it is not always easy. AND so often much harder for ourselves to trust the messages. This particular time was for me to quit a very stressful and hostile job… I gave my notice, told my staff in a meeting and as I walked back into my office my phone was ringing. It was a call for a job interview. 🙂 That wasn’t my job but it was a great reminder.

    Thanks dearest SiSTAR!!

  3. Maria, Elizabeth and Mom,

    I don’t know weather to laugh or cry! The first part of Marias article made me mad! I voted for Trump! Why I voted for him…is complicated because it wasn’t a moral decision. It was (oh…how do I put this)…

    Imagine if you will: Being a part of a species that grew up on a planet where there were only sticks and stones to do anything you needed to do. Sticks and stones are so easy to work with. With both and bit of mud, you can make a shelter. You can pound steaks into the ground, build traps for food (unless you’re vegan…and in that case, the field is a banquette…only hands needed).

    By and by, we gained technologies with amazing precision to do more than what a stick or a stone can do, yet it seems we, as a species have not moved beyond our innate skill set…sticks and stones (as a species…barring anything else…just as a species collectively…world wide).

    In this day and ages, If I wanted to go have surgery, they’d use saws, lasers and incredibly sharp blades, needles…and the surgery would be done with amazing accuracy and fidelity. These tools are for the body. The physical being.

    For the other aspects in relating to one another; as in a social climate (Politics), we have no such tools, so we turn to our innate default: Sticks and stones.

    When we make discussions about politics, we haven’t developed the same degree of tools as did our surgeons. We are still stuck with sticks…and stones.

    Do you know what it’s like to cut into the heart of a matter that is hemorrhaging with injury and trauma when all you have…is either a stick…or a stone???

    There is no fidelity, precision…accuracy, yet when any of us go about fulfilling our vision of a society that is BEAUTIFUL, and we see what a disaster it is…all the wounding and injury and injustice…none of us has…more than is available to work with: Sticks and stones. NONE OF US HAVE MORE THAN THESE!

    In discerning our individual and collective choices…about social issues, we perceive far more than we have tools to fix the issues. Those fine instruments aren’t on line yet. And of what we DO have, NEITHER a stick or a stone is sufficient to the task.

    Trump represents the stone, and the stick? OMG! It’s only a stick as Trump is only a stone.

    I hope I painted a picture the depicts…that state of all who share in this process.

    As one with a stone, I salute the one with the stick…and I laugh because I see us both scratching our heads like…”WTF am I gonna do with a fucking Stone [stick] in the face of THAT (Pointing to…a bleeding and beat up nation of people all holding sticks and stones). With these, I can poke or smash, but I can’t do anything near as what is needed…as in precise accurate tools that will really do some good…not yet, those aren’t here yet.”

    Sigh…laugh or cry. I’ll do both, and…I’LL FINISH MY DELICIOUS COFFEE and be satisfied no one has the answer; no one has more than the other…

    But in community, we can share what we have, and we can build shelter from the elements that would kill us and rob us of life.


    • Couldn’t quite get past, “I voted for Trump.”

      The rest made no sense.

      • It’s ok, Elizabeth. I wrote exclusively about an interaction I had with my dearest friend…also a hospice nurse…21 years senior to me, and I love her…and how we have become divergent ONLY in politics…I wrote about this on my blog…and the “Moral” of the story I wrote was about friendship…and it’s power…

        Take a look. Perhaps it will be healing and lend strength to bare more of life that we see…and maybe deeper then skin, race…gender and political sides…or people we vote for; why…

        I think my story would unmask what is surface to reveal the human I am…and you are…

        Not evil.

        • I don’t think you are evil. And I don’t need your ok. But I do think you must be lonely or needing to “help” or “heal” those who have not asked for your help. I stopped reading your posts awhile ago. Too f ‘in long. Sucking the energy right out of the thing. My policy is to send love to everyone (even Trump), but I don’t have to be around them. And frankly you are missing the f’in point.

      • Me too! I tried. I’m always curious why a woman would vote for Trump

  4. “For the Awakening of the divine HUMAN.” The implication of this seems inclusive…

    perhaps not?

    Just curious…

    Perhaps less is more here.

  5. And actually Ian revealed himself to be just another clueless male, party is the patriarchy.

    But mascarading as an innocent kitty. Beware the tricky.

  6. …No Elizabeth…

    That is not true. Many things are being revealed here in this discourse. Oddly…in compassion (not woo woo lip service to the meaning in that word), it is not easy to bear…ridicule and censure which I have not provided here…but am subject to.

    And I’m sorry for that…and bear it…not as a coward bears it because I am still here.

    And…Maria may (of course…in full empowerment) block me. I will not retaliate or hate her OR YOU…

    It might even be a blessing for us all, really, because I see (and feel) hurt here. Who wants to be hurt…even if…un-intending to do so?

    As you said…You STOPPED after seeing “I voted for Trump.”

    You stopped.

    And so it is everywhere else…no one will bear the horror of what we’re all going through.

    No one will bear it.

    And so I see here…compassion needs some work.

    And I’m not excused from this statement.

    And so that is so…for every one I think…to some greater or lesser degree. No one is perfect.

  7. Me too. I almost stopped coming to visit Maria’s website because one person was obviously intent on… who knows… not pleasant the tricky comments. Thank you, Elizabeth. Love, B.

  8. Oh…All right, if it means THAT much to you.

    “For those awakening divine humans.” LONG AGO, for I’ve been following Maria for a few years now, and…have been enriched…it was that title that drew me.

    I’ve expressed and probed…and been satisfied; sometimes terrified…angsted…but in all this, I really cared.

    Too much…and that’s ok.

    I’d rather Maria…maintained her site for the women she fosters…cares for, supports and treasures.

    I am, after all…a man.

    Hardly human…I think.

    Be well. You are safe and well here.

  9. Barbara. Same. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

    It’s all perfect.

    Maria is one of the most loving humans. Yay!

    Thanks for all you do and the space you hold here.

    Not much else can be said that won’t be taken the wrong way.

    Love for all!

  10. LOL…(Not at you…but at Irony).

    Lord! The only thing I actually said out of, in this article, was “I was mad. I voted for Trump.”

    I made no despairing remark of Maria…or any of you, actually. Not a single mean word…

    And you all agree that men are…”Cut off” from their divine feminine? And…You all are exemplifying such? Hah!

    All who agree, “I almost don’t wanna come to Marias place because of that “guy” that takes up…what?

    And you engage? I always hoped…for more.

    Elizabeth, as old as you and I are, there IS no mistaking what you’re intended words mean. NOTHING you said was taken the wrong way.

    You were cruel.

    So…all you would be “lets give ourselves permission to have our 5D temper tantrums and be MEAN…

    Ok…”For those awakening divine humans.”

    Shazam…You ARE, indeed…awake.

    No doubt. Only conscious people say and do…what is cruel…and mean spirited….

    You Won. In your empowered state of mind, you won.

    to the remark about me being lonely….Yes. I am, but not without a life, work…meaning. Lonely for fellowship, Yes. For that only.

    I stopped following, you guys. You have this space to yourselves once again.

    Consensus has been reacher…your meaning…is known. Nothing was taken the wrong way.

    It was taken as intended.

    Peace out

  11. Loving you all my sistars!!!

    Thank you!!!

    One if my favorite hashtags is:


    And I have to tell my granny (in another dimension) to shut up (inside my head) since she would ALWAYS say, “now, be nice”. Hahaha she’s doesn’t care anymore. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  12. ug Maria, so much love to you.

    i’ve been struggling with this for what i could easily describe as “the past few years”, but i feel like it’s more that i feel overwhelmed by it when i’m in “4th dimension energy”… which is obviously less about time and more about the space i’m tuning into.

    we’ve talked about it here before, and you’ve always captured it spot on…. how i struggle with the energy in the collective consciousness from the energy of “mind awakening” vs heart awakening. you call it “mental masturbation”… but ugh. all of the energy that is filling mass consciousness from the “enlightenment mind movements” is excruciating for me to even brush against… it’s all so noisy and heavy and overthink-y, but i think you capture it perfectly in this post what bothers me about it so much!! – yes, at the root it there is this toxic masculinity vibe to it – like a mix of pushy “go go go” energy with this cold robotic narcissism, all wrapped up in an arrogance… like this certainty that’s it’s “right” and has all the answers and sees itself as “awakened”, when really it all just feels like the ego on steroids to me 😔. it’s getting conflated with “awakening” but my the other day my friend described it as just a bunch of narcissists running around repeating brene brown quotes and treating people like dirt and calling it their “self-love journey”. and right now that pushy selfish energy is trying to bulldoze it’s way all over the feminine.

    on a large scale i try not to care… other people’s journey is their journey, and me judging their “awakenedness” is basically me being arrogant too and thinking i have it all figured out lollll, so on a large scale the only thing i really can do is just ignore it all and focus on my self. but how it really bothers me in a way that i can’t ignore is that i’ve had a repeated pattern of narcissists coming into my life and wreaking unimaginable havoc(starting with having been raised by one/my daddy), and the whole “mind awakening movement” has really just giving narcissists so many more tools to work with 😔. the narcissists that have come into my life have all spoken a high level of “spiritual speak” to the point where it made it so much harder to realize who and what they were.

    and yes i do also think it’s a big part of why we are where we’re at as a country/global political scene – the power of manipulation is ten fold with sharpened minds 😕 and so many of the people who have power at the moment are soulless monsters, but they are convincing and persuasive to completely unawakened groups of the population by preying on the fear like you describe.

    i’m rambling as always lollll, so this probably all makes no kinda sense, but ug yessss Maria… heart energy, heart energy, heart energy. 💗💗💗💗💗💗 it’s the only place where i find peace and breath and thank you for the constant reminders to keep going back there 💗

    • Sweet pea, yes, for sure others use sophisticated tools to manipulate us. I have allowed that several times in my life until I began recognizing the manipulation for what it is. It’s taken me awhile to trust my feelings over what others may say or do concerning their relationship to me.

      It often feels like they are feeding off my energies, even if they are saying and doing things that appear to be benign.

      It comes down to trusting our feelings above all else we see and hear. It reminds me of what Trump said awhile back, about not trusting what we see and hear, that it’s fake news.

      I think it’s so challenging especially for women, because we have been taking others’ energies for such a long time, taking them into our hearts, and our bodies. And, now we are letting it go. No more breastfeeding the men, especially.

      I’m sure you know that most of what you are feeling isn’t yours.

      It’s interesting you say the people use ‘spiritual speak.’ Do you mean like religious talk? Because I don’t consider that spiritual, although I used to.

      Love you too my friend. 💜

    • Sweet Pea!!!! Yes yes yes and yes.

      “I’m so fucking spiritual and you’re not!” So many narcissists running amuck and they sure have a good story. And they want to help us, even when we didn’t ask, even if they are fucking clueless. Ha! We’re mad as hell (or exhausted as hell) and not going to take it anymore.

      I am also am Empath, and I remind myself to say, “is this mine?” And mostly it is not. Ha! I got a vision of a burning Viking ship going out to sea with all the crap I’ve been carrying. ♥️🔥🔥🔥🔥i just keep loading her up.

      And yes, as women, we have been so conditioned to do that fucking nice thing. Done, as you say, DONE!!!

      #fucknice is one of my favorites right now!!
      It’s a fucking inside Job.
      Loving us all

      Hope all the F bombs are ok. They seem to be flying lately. Ha!

      • lol aaaamen Elizabeth, done and done! 🙅‍♀️

        and yes, i honestly didn’t even really know what a narcissist was until a few years ago – and then i got out of an insanely traumatic relationship with one, and dug into information about it trying to understand what in the holy h*ll i had just been through, and through that i put it all together that that’s what my daddy was, and it explained my entire childhood 😩 and then it also completely explained why i drew that energy to me in men now as a woman… it was more than just my daddy issues repeating a pattern, it was this whole dynamic of me as an empath being a narcissist magnet 😩😩😩 and i had no clue what was happening because that energy felt “normal” and familiar because it was all just exactly how my daddy was, so i thought “this is just how men are” 🤷‍♀️.

        but nooooo ma’am… narcissists put on this image of being arrogant and powerful, but really they are soooo needy, take-y, insecure, completely spiritually void, and complete emotional infants. soooo exhausting 😩

        i honestly barely survived the ordeal, but since then, it’s been mind blowing to me just how many narcissists are running around! i feel like literally every sort of “spiritually awakened” woman i know has suffered through a relationship with one at some point. it’s like they seek us out specifically for the energy we carry. and i of course get that there are female narcissists too, but there is definitely far more male ones and i do think it’s because narcissistic energy has some sort of toxic masculine energy at the root of it?

        but yes ma’am…

        “We’re mad as hell (or exhausted as hell) and not going to take it anymore.”


        • Oh my gosh….. I’ve had quite a few women in my life who are narcissists. And my first hubby was. My son had an interesting relationship with a super NPD woman with two kids. Ow!!! Once he got free of that crazy making shit, he connected with her ex hubby and that sweet guy helped him see the NPD ( narcissistic personality disorder) in her. My son is super empathic and sweet. I have managed to relieve myself of almost all those crazy ass relationships. But one involuntary one with my hubby’s ex girlfriend. Oy! I have figured out really good boundaries after 28 years. But I still get triggered a bit by her NPD. No more fucking co-dependency for me!

          Loving this. Loving us all!!

          Feeling free. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥☺️☺️☺️☺️🔥🔥🔥🔥🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉💖💖💖💖💖💖

          • ug isn’t that how it works 😩 where there are just genuinely sweet, good men, the narcissists women find them.

            i’m glad he got away and was able to talk to her ex to get some sanity and comfort. understanding them for what they are, and realizing it’s not about you at all, is one of the most powerful ways to find healing from them.

            but ug yes, no more narcissists for me, noooo ma’am.

            freeeee 💖💖💖

          • 💖💖💖💖💖🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 woooohooooo!

            My son is a gem, even though I admit to EXTREME prejudice. 🤣🤣♥️♥️♥️

  13. yes yes yes Maria most of it isn’t mine 😭 but i swear i have to remind myself of that a million times over every day.

    and actually by “spiritual speak” i mean they way that people who are functioning in the mind energy you describe have actually hijacked the language of heart energy… like everything from self-help language to all the things we talk about here in terms of “enlightenment” and “awakening”… i’ve seen so much of the stuff we talk about as “heart journeyers” being hijacked by the kinds of people you describe who are in that mind energy, so narcissists, sociopaths, misogynists, etc. so many of them have taken in enough of the information mentally, but they aren’t actually moving more into the heart with it, instead they take in the information and turn it into more mental energy that becomes “tools” for them. they’re missing the point of it all… instead of soul growth they misconstrue it into ego empowerment. hope that makes sense. and because they speak the “language”…. ugh it makes it harder to see them for what they are when you cross their path 🙁

    • Oh, that is so interesting, sweet pea. I do see what you mean, and I didn’t really consider that as something others are doing. But it makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s an insincere interest in a way, of us, and in who we really are. But just a way into our hearts and lives, and a way to extract energies from us. Because they are unwilling to feed from their own trough.

      It’s so funny because I am writing another post about how we have become self-fulfilled as awakened humans, and how the rest of humanity is still looking outside themselves for fulfillment.

      I know we have discussed that concept many times, but it’s so important to put it into perspective when dealing with others. Some people are like you say malevolent about the vampirism of energies, others are not even aware that they are trying to feed from our trough.

      They just haven’t figured out that they have what they need within themselves.

      But you describe it beautifully. Instead of soul growth they use it as ego empowerment. Yes, well said. And it’s because they have erected, excuse the pun, their mind to the ultimate position in their life.

      I have come to recognize that some of the most self proclaimed intellectuals are some of the most stupid people I have encountered. Sometimes they just embarrass themselves with their own mental gymnastics.

      The mind became the false god. Maybe that’s what Jesus meant by not worshipping false idols.

  14. yes Maria! 🙌 word for word so perfectly captures what i was trying to express with the mental energy 😩

    and ooooh goodness i’ll look forward to your blog post cause that’s actually PERFECTLY the other layer of those people that has been most damaging to me 😩 energy vampires like no other. and for so long i have tried to have compassion for the root of it being their own internal emptiness, but after everything i’ve been through at this point i’m just too tired and drained to have any personal connection to anyone who is still in that place. at this point in my journey, if you aren’t mostly self-sustained from the inside out, you simply can’t come close to me. i just can’t do it anymore 😔 i’m still clearing out all the weight i’ve carried for others thus far, and still learning how to hold my own space without having my own energy fed off of, so anyone that tries to come close and feed or unload… nope 🙅‍♀️ this empath is officially retired from codependency lollll

    • Yay, sweet pea…that’s music to my ears! And I am right there too. I don’t suffer fools, either. And if I do, it kicks me in the butt. So either way, I am moving more and more into my freedom. It used to be a woman’s role (and spiritual persons role) to be an energy holder for others.

      Now our new role is to be self loving and self nurturing, and to create a sovereign heart that no longer carries the wounds of others, and of course that serves all of humanity in a new way.

    • Wow sweet pea, I get what you’re saying! Being an empath can be SO SO exhausting! And yes, I have a very hard time with people who aren’t sustained from their inside out.

  15. yes Sherry, sooo exhausting 😔. and the more i’ve become self-sustained, the more i’ve been overwhelmed with just how exhaustingly codependent most people are. boundary crossing and neediness is not just normalized, but even romanticized in society… and i’ve even experienced so much how people get offended just by the idea of energetic/emotional independence… like when you even suggest that you’re happier and healthier being whole on your own, people get really defensive about just the idea of it 🤷‍♀️

    i have grown so much in the direction of my own wholeness though that i can’t be talked out of it anymore, and i just simply can’t be interconnected with anyone who doesn’t want to resonate from their own wholeness too… i’m just too tired y’all 😩 come here carrying your own weight, or nope, you don’t get to come here. i’m no longer doing anyone else’s healing or saving or emotional burden carrying… nooo ma’am 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

    • Sweet pea!!! So good to see you here. Once again I’m wanting to hilights just about everything you have said. I was just saying on Maria’s latest post how I was literally sitting under a tree the other day marvelling at what a narcissist magnet I’ve been–starting with my parents. It’s not only with men either–the majority of female friends I’ve attracted have been control freaks, passive agressives and narcissists as well, but hey it’s no surprise (well it was then but not NOW haha) because that was the script I knew–that was my “normal”, and I could not have described “passive aggressive” or “narcissist” any more than a fish could describe water. You made me laugh so hard with what you said about narcissists running around quoting brene brown lolzzzzz–omgosh soooo true that! (She is one of those people i just cant stomach more than a sentence or two and i just cant sense any authenticity there). And yes them using the language as a tool to be used externally instead of actually embodying any of it within. I ten thousand percent agree with you about not dealing with people who aren’t creating their own wholeness from within themselves instead of relentlessly vamping others. Anyone who NEEDS or maneuvers to GET…..And yes yes yes again with this:
      “….how people get offended just by the idea of energetic/emotional independence… like when you even suggest that you’re happier and healthier being whole on your own, people get really defensive about just the idea of it.” I have totally seen this too! Crikey. All of this has pretty much rendered me “unfit for polite society” lolzzzzz–omgosh
      Sending you lots of love and a big hug dear friend 😊💕

  16. aw hi Elila 🤗💕💕

    i swear i used to think narcissists were some sort of anomaly, but now i feel like they’re an epidemic! 😩 i’m not surprised at all you’ve had them in your life just by your nature… i think they really do seek out people who are a combination of loving and open hearted but also independent… like they prey on the vulnerability, and crave the challenge of trying to suck the life out of the independent spirit.

    i’ve basically started to think that they are a common right of passage for anyone on a spiritual/self-love/wholeness journey because they so aggressively try to annihilate your self worth and self-sovereignty 🙁 i mean think about how they….

    1. cross boundaries – they do this like a freight train, and i think it forces us to learn to establish them

    2. put everything on you – they don’t take responsibility for annnnyyyyything ever. and they even try to make you at fault for all of their bad behavior. so i think it forces us to learn to stop taking on other people’s stuff. most of us have done this our whole lives without noticing, but narcissists dump so much weight on you that you can’t breathe and you have to start realizing what’s happening.

    3. and they are relentless in trying to strip your self-worth away – i think they do this with such a massive force that we finally start fighting for our self-worth form within. what they do hurts so deep we’re forced to.

    on an energetic level, they definitely are all kinds of low vibrations… like all the lower vibrations amplified i swear 😩, so for me, the narcissists in my life have made where i’m vibrating at the time so unbearable that i’ve had no choice but to go higher… like spiritually they are definitely 3rd and 4th dimensional beings, and i think they make staying here so unbearable that we seek to go higher 🤷‍♀️

    they’ve been a brutal force in my life 🤕, but i have just tried to keep growing, keep going higher, keep becoming more whole because of them ❤️

    • This is such clear perspective!!! You articulated it so brilliantly. It is sort of a right of passage, and as painful as it all was it did propel me in a way, but now even a whiff of it makes me walk FAST in the opposite direction. I don’t have the time or tolerance for that mucky shit, and solitude is so much better than manipulation. Having boundaries has allowed me to become acquainted with and thoroughly enjoy my own company 💙😊💙

      • I’m with you!

        “Solitude is so much better than manipulation.”

        And we can change the saying to
        “Don’t let the narcissists get you down”.

        Loving US ALL!

      • same Elila ❤️ i no longer have the energy for people who are heavy and mucky in any way. i’m also completely done with any relationships that are based in the energy of “working our crap out together” or “acting out our issues on each other”. i don’t need that kind of pain motivated energy to propel me to growth anymore 🙅‍♀️ i crave change and growth on my own just because i want to be the best me, and i am willing to work out my own crap within myself, and at this point i can only be close to others who are willing to do the same.

        • Same here sweet pea. And I would add that I’m done with the idea that relationships are “hard work”. At this point if it’s not sweet, fun, and mutually satisfying/beneficial in an almost effortless way, I’m not interested. I’m done with all the heavy muck and drama and ” compromise”. Now that I know I can enjoy life just fine without a partner or “friends with issues”, I’m really not inclined to bother with the extra fuss, and would rather just go about my own business in my own way enjoying my own company without anyone elses opinions lol. I remain open to the possibility of relationships like I describe above, but am not counting on it for my own contentment, or happiness. Anyone I allow into my life must enhance, not deplete (mutually of course).

          Elizabeth you crack me up–love right back at ya💙

          • Wow, siSTAR, another powerful podcast. And you are speaking for so many of us, as ‘lightworkers’ and as women. The taking care of others is in our DNA. I’m so happy to hear you are letting that role go. Because as we nurture ourself, we are essentially showing others how to nurture themselves. How to love themselves. And those who see us as selfish actually are resentful of us. Freeing ourselves from our old story….This is our new service to humanity. And I love the chant. Thank you. 💜

          • Thanks so much for listening. I appreciate your lovely words.

            I had an interesting thing happen today. My friend (the one who took her own human life 5 years ago) who I wrote about on one of your other posts, Martha Jane, came to me as a temporary guardian angel to help me, and others, to let go of all that caretaking shit. She was calling it indulging ourselves, meaning HEALING ourselves. It was beautiful!!!!! She is a helper to us all.

          • That is so cool! I appreciate the support from Martha Jane. Thank you! And I’m loving the expression, ‘indulging ourselves’. That is what we need to do more and more if we are serious about our freedom and sovereignty!

          • Completely. It is all about doing EXACTLY what we want/need in each moment for our joy.



            Love you dear SiSTAR!!

          • aamen Elila 💙💙💙 word for word how i feel, and to me nothing else makes sense anymore.

            the crazy thing is that most people are so fiercely stuck on the idea that relationships have to be “hard work”, that they literally get angry with you for suggesting different 😭 first – i don’t understand why people get angry about how someone else wants to be, like unless were dating it doesn’t even affect you lol. but people get viscerally threatened by it.

            i had a friend completely stop being friends with me a few years ago purely because i told her i had no interest in ever living with someone. i said that i only want monogamy, i just have no interest in that person being my roommate. she always lives with boyfriends like pretty much immediately, so she got insanely offended. i get that she was projecting, but her reaction was SO bizarre. like we were having dinner and a slumber party just talking, and when i said that, she got literally angry at me 😭… like snapping at me like i was in trouble lollll. she said, well that just means you don’t ever want anything “real”. and i was hurt because that’s not true at all. so i said, no, that’s not what it means at all, i just have different ideas of what makes love real for me, and to me needing to be together every day, or paying bills together, or doing dishes together, or the worst to me…peeing in front of each other lol, or just in general being “comfortable”… those kinds of things don’t have anything to do with “real” for me. they may for her, and that’s ok, for her. but it’s different for me. how i feel about someone in my soul is real for me. passion is real for me. respect is real for me. romance IS real for me. good conversation is real for me. quality of time together vs quantity of time is real for me. going on actual dates and treating each other special isn’t just the “honeymoon” phase for me, but choosing to go out and live the high points of life together vs just going through the day to day motions IS what’s real for me. and her idea of “real” would be torture for me because comfort isn’t my love language AT ALL. in fact comfortable is where i feel unloved because i feel taken for granted in that energy. and that’s not “wrong”, it’s just different. and having my own space in general is a really necessary part of me being able to feel authentic in a romantic relationship, and for it to be real for me, i have to feel authentic in my own skin. So that “me” space makes it MORE real for me. 🤷

            she seriously stopped being friends with me after that – like cold turkey i haven’t seen her since that day. 🙃

            all i know is i’ve gotten so certain of what feels right for me that i have zero need for anyone else to give me permission to want it, to wait for it, and to never have anything if it doesn’t come along 💜

  17. Omgosh sweet pea you would think after all these years I’d stop being shocked at the times you say exactly what’s in my head, but nope I’m still blown away every time no matter how many times it happens! I was literally just thinking the other day about how I really don’t want to live with anyone ever again, even if I do fall in love with someone really great, and for all the reasons you say. I’m not interested in the mundane crap paying bills and doing dishes and waking up to another person every day (been there, done that, more than once). I’d rather stay in the sweet “going steady” phase where both of us can maintain our primary relationship to ourselves first and foremost, and then being together is icing for us both, so that we are able to maintain a genuine inspiration and desire to be our best selves effortlessly when we are together, and I want “together” to be an elective not a requirement or built in! And i also dont see this precluding deep and abiding commitment and monogamy–i think those things would possibly be even more supported for me in this way. And that doesn’t mean I think all the people cohabitating are doing anything wrong for cripessake!!! Jeesh! But it does seem to effectively kill the magic for a LOT of people from my own perspective (I’m always shocked at just how awful people who claim to love each other can be to one another because they take for granted since they are ever-present, and they have become so used to the other that they feel “comfortable” unloading their absolute WORST on them, and then they have to “work through it” and apologies must be made –but for me I can’t just undo the effects of someone’s temporary cruelty or meaness and the stress it engenders–it leaves a permanent residue for me). And then there are others who seem to thrive. And I really don’t give a flying rat what other people are doing–it’s none of my business! I don’t even have really any kind of judgement –just a strong preference for what *i”* like and how I thrive. Crikey some people need to crucify others for stuff so stupid. I’m NOT endicting anyone for enjoying something different from what I enjoy!!! Good grief. It’s like your friend said I like coca cola and you like Pepsi, and that’s just not REAL, so we can’t be friends. For crying out loud it’s heartbreaking when people are so fragile that they need (read: REQUIRE) everyone around them to be just like them in order to justify their choices. Ive had people angrily tell me I’m going to “die alone”, practically spitting it at me like a full on CURSE or something. I’m like well If that means there won’t be any ” friends” like you around, I’m good with that! Lolz.

    • omggggg Elila yes, chill bumps reading this! everything you wrote could be from my own diary lol.

      and yes this is so perfectly worded to how i feel too 🤗…

      “being together is icing for us both, so that we are able to maintain a genuine inspiration and desire to be our best selves effortlessly when we are together, and I want “together” to be an elective not a requirement or built in! And i also dont see this precluding deep and abiding commitment and monogamy–i think those things would possibly be even more supported for me in this way.”

      and yes this too…

      “I’m always shocked at just how awful people who claim to love each other can be to one another because they take for granted since they are ever-present, and they have become so used to the other that they feel “comfortable” unloading their absolute WORST on them, and then they have to “work through it” and apologies must be made –but for me I can’t just undo the effects of someone’s temporary cruelty or meaness and the stress it engenders–it leaves a permanent residue for me”

      and yes i agree, i don’t mean to say this applies for everyone that chooses that life – some people do thrive in it, but i feel like the people who take most issue with me not wanting that life are the ones who are just like you describe here. and it seems like i always feel like they are arguing two points… 1. that there is a level of inevitable misery in monogamy, and 2. that that misery is what makes it “real” 😕 😕 😕

      first, of all, a big part of my reason for what i want is that the misery isn’t inevitable! you make that misery more likely with the relationship structure you CHOOSE to create 🤷 like to me it’s so obvious…
      – if you live with someone, then yes, you make it more likely to create a more routine and mundane lifestyle or to create a situation where y’all get sick of each other, so i choose not to move into together, problem solved!
      – if you combine finances, then yes, money becomes something you will likely argue about or have issues with, so i choose not to be financially intertwined, problem solved!
      – if you view the person you are in a romantic relationship with as someone who is supposed to take care of your “needs”, or somewhere that you “work out your issues on”, then yes, the relationship is going to be hard work, because you’re literally asking it to be that way 🤷, so i choose to take care of my own needs and work on my own issues as much as possible. yes of course you have dynamics to sort through and navigate with the other person – that’s what relationships are about – but that’s totally different than asking someone else to fix you, heal you, “put up with you”, or be responsible for your internal emotions.

      and yes yes yes this…

      “it’s heartbreaking when people are so fragile that they need (read: REQUIRE) everyone around them to be just like them in order to justify their choices”

      i think y’all are spot on with what it’s about…

      “that they need some form of justification for their own choices. Maybe it’s also jealousy that others dare to do stuff they low key want but don’t allow themselves.”

      i think those are the two most common reasons it bothers women, because i think a lot of women fall in line with a traditional version of monogamy and end up unhappy, and then are bothered by the idea that they could’ve done it different.

      i also think that with certain types of men, the idea of women who think like this threatens them because we don’t fall in line with their misogynistic stereotypes of women. like we do actually want love and monogamy, but don’t want to fill a traditional role. they are used to compartmentalizing women into either “wives” or “mistresses”, so the woman they can have at home to fill their needs and support them and help them play the role of “good man”, and then the woman they can run to on the side to fill their desires and throw out accountability. and think there is something about it all that’s them them avoiding true intimacy. like the find safety in compartmentalizing how they use different women for different things because the idea of letting one woman be “the only one” means they forfeit control or power.

      but yessss i just don’t get why anyone else cares 😔😔😔 like i genuinely don’t care what y’all do, lol, i’m only bothered if you try to force me into too 🙅‍♀️

      • Oh my gosh sweet pea….yasssssssss! Again everything you say here. Especially this

        “….. the people who take most issue with me not wanting that life are the ones who are just like you describe here. and it seems like i always feel like they are arguing two points… 1. that there is a level of inevitable misery in monogamy, and 2. that that misery is what makes it “real” 😕 ”

        Yes, TOTALLY, I find this too. I know one person who says at least she feels alive (with the misery), and in her opinion I’m “hiding” from “reality”. Ugh. Good luck with your ” reality”! There is a song I heard recently that has the refrain “I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all” and I’m like WTF is THAT shit??? In my head I changed it to “I’d rather LEAVE than feel nothing at all” lol. But it made me wonder –i bet a lot of people would agree with that sentiment. People seem so drama addicted, and I used to be too. And those people are just as defensive of their drama addiction as they are of their misery, and there’s a sort of resentment towards me sometimes because I refuse to play that game any more.

        And this:

        “– if you live with someone, then yes, you make it more likely to create a more routine and mundane lifestyle or to create a situation where y’all get sick of each other, so i choose not to move into together, problem solved!
        – if you combine finances, then yes, money becomes something you will likely argue about or have issues with, so i choose not to be financially intertwined, problem solved!
        – if you view the person you are in a romantic relationship with as someone who is supposed to take care of your “needs”, or somewhere that you “work out your issues on”, then yes, the relationship is going to be hard work, because you’re literally asking it to be that way”

        Ten thousand percent agree!!! This is how I think too.
        And then all you said about men compartmentalizing and using women and their control being threatened….holy smokes just yes again. You’ve said all this so perfectly. This line you mentioned:

        “that they need some form of justification for their own choices. Maybe it’s also jealousy that others dare to do stuff they low key want but don’t allow themselves.”

        That was actually Kats observation, which I also agree with, and yes us thinking or believing/behaving this way can make them question their choices and it’s too painful for them to consider I guess. But to me it seems MORE painful to insist on denial and continue to live in the same misery, stomping your feet that it’s just the way it IS, and trashing any other perspective for the sake of avoiding the idea that perhaps you’d been mistaken or mislead, misinformed, mistreated….but hey, it’s none of my business Lolz😉😉😉

        • omgggg Elila! i stumbled on this article yesterday it was sooo good. basically it’s calling out some of this stuff we’re talking about. here is part of what drew me in…

          “The conventional wisdom that ‘All relationships are hard work’ ought to be reexamined. I think that ‘all BAD relationships are hard work.’ Those that require less work are created by couples that believe that we are entitled to receive only what we are prepared to give.”

          love that!!! exactly what we have been saying. that when people go into their relationships dumping all their internal work on the relationships and expecting their partner to fix them, etc. – yup, it’s gonna be hard work. but when people are healthier as individuals and do their own work, then they go into love wanting to give vs take, then it’s not “work”.

          he also makes this crazy good argument that i hadn’t even thought of – how mainstream institutions, like psychology, counselors, “marriage experts”, etc. all push the old narratives of relationships being hard by nature, and that the answer is to be constantly “working on it”, “compromising”, etc. because that’s how they make money. so of course it benefits them to normalize the struggle.

          really that’s the same thing you were saying about religion and how they basically keep people hooked with the cycle of being broken sinners who keep coming back to the bible, god, church, etc. for a fix.

          anyways, our whole conversation just makes me think how so many of the accepted and mainstream conventional wisdoms that feel wrong to us, like if you actually examine them, there are ulterior motives for people to keep them in place, and the motives are not positive things like peace, happiness, love, well being… the motives are negatives like control, money, power, insecurity, etc.

          so i say we keep breaking free of them no matter what 💕💕💕💕

  18. ” For crying out loud it’s heartbreaking when people are so fragile that they need (read: REQUIRE) everyone around them to be just like them in order to justify their choices”

    Elila, thank you writing this because I have always wondered WHY do people care what others do? Why are they bothered if what others do is different from what they would do? It never made sense to me but it does make sense that they need some form of justification for their own choices. Maybe it’s also jealousy that others dare to do stuff they low key want but don’t allow themselves.

    • Hi Kat! I know it’s always bothered me too. People really need to learn to mind their own business. I think they are always distracting themselves with OTHER people’s stuff bcuz they are too terrified to deal with their own. And I agreed with you–i think what sometimes triggers them is that some part of them actually wants some aspect of what they see in the other for themselves but they are too scared to admit it or persue it. Imagine a world where everyone made their OWN shit their main priority and left everyone else out of it! More people looking at mirrors instead of screens, inside instead of outside.

  19. (And YES—I only take issue when others try to force their beliefs/behaviors/choices on me!!!!!)

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