So today at the cafe I was settling in with my coffee, and listening to my music with ear plugs in place. Two men walked in and one looked toward me, and my heart sunk.
It’s been about three years now since I left the cafe community on the other side of town. I frequented that cafe for almost fifteen years, until it became apparent that too many entanglements over the years were forming with others’ energies, and it was not in my best interest to be a part of that community any longer.
The guys who walked in this morning caught me off guard, and consequently disrupted my space because they were two of those people from the other cafe who I was no longer finding joy connecting with. Yet they always seemed to want my time and attention.
Yes, it’s been almost three years, but three years in ascension time is like twenty, am I right? And in those three years I have changed radically, as many of us have.
So when they tried to speak to me, I took my headphones out, and I said, “Look, I need my space. I’m a writer, and I’m writing.” And actually, fortunately at that point I was typing a post on my iPad.
I put the ear plugs back in, and proceeded to ignore them both for several minutes. That’s something I would never have done in my former life. I would have felt obligated to talk to them, because I knew they were eager to talk to me. In fact the one fellow came in a few days earlier for a coffee to go, saw me there, and recognized me from years ago. Apparently he moved into the neighborhood, and said he was going to bring his cohort to this Starbucks very soon to see me.
I responded with, “Really? I thought you were my friend.”
Which I thought would send the message, couched in a joke, that I was not interested. But, see, that was a rookie mistake. Any morsel of attention, with some people, is as good as a stamp of approval. A green light that encourages feeding.
So in that moment today I defied my old stance of feeling obligated to commiserate with them. I was borderline rude, and I was exceedingly uncomfortable. To my mind I was a terrible person.
But something in me was bigger than that old guilt. It took control. That part of me, my Soul, who really does not give a crap what anyone else thinks of me.
But boy I could hear that mind freaking out. “What’s the harm in a little conversation with these fellows, Maria?”
But I did finally acknowledge them, and kept it short, and let them know by my body language that I was not that same, accommodating person they could feed off of. And shortly after, I bid them adieu, and left. Fortunately at that point I was ready to leave anyway.
On my way out I talked to a woman I see there regularly, and told her the story. She said with raised eyebrows, “I hope you don’t let them chase you out of this Starbucks, too.”
”No way” I responded. “This is MY space, and now they acquiesce to ME. My space, my rules!”
We both laughed, because we shared how hard it is to make ourselves our priority, especially as women. But she was doing the same in her life, with certain people.
But I also knew that with certain folks, there is no such thing as “no thanks,” short of a restraining order. So we will see what happens on my next visit to my beloved cafe. Will they become regulars? How will I deal with that?
One thing is for sure. I will not be leaving my cafe community anytime soon for ANYONE. They will have to deal with ME now.
As we become more OURSELVES, others will have to adjust to us, not the other way around any more.
It’s interesting because I am learning to do the same with my mind. Not giving it attention when it’s trying to feed off of me with its fears and its control issues. When it tries to dominate my space. That precious space where my heart is connecting with my Soul. “No, dear mind. Not this time. My space, my rules!”
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Enjoy Seduction from my album, Soulful Sounds