Maria’s Cafe

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I just bought one of those coffee carafes, and I’m trying it out for the first time this morning.  With the exception of an unfortunate coffee grounds spillage, so far so good.  I can brew three cups at a time, and it is supposed to keep it piping hot for a few hours.  Some of my readers may be confused at this point, because they know my typical routine is to go out to the cafe for my morning coffee.

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But for the very first time, since I was in my 20s, the desire to rush out for my morning Joe has all but left me.  It was my daily ritual for decades, and I did it through bad weather, heavy traffic, trying relationships, and other obstacles.  It was so important to me that it took priority over just about everything else.  

I couldn’t imagine starting my day any other way.

Yet here I am, sipping coffee at home.  No urge to bolt out the door, other than to take my morning walk through the preserve.  And, when I think about it, I make damned good coffee, just to my specifications.  It’s quiet here, and my apartment window boasts the best view of trees and wildlife.

And I seem to always find a good seat.

I also realized that I have become my best friend, and I really do enjoy my own company.  So I’m not really lonely for conversation.  

Among other things, the pandemic contributed to my change of venue.  Since last March, it became increasingly difficult to find places that had seating.  And Starbucks has been on and off with their indoor dining.  And even they don’t feel as inviting to me anymore.

Something has changed.  The cafe culture is not the same.

Whether it goes back to the way it was, a warm and inviting environment where you can spend hours relaxing, sitting with friends, and working on your laptop….remains to be seen.

But it’s hard to deny there has been a profound shift.

But, maybe that was one of COVID’s purposes.  To push people to spend more time alone.  Which to be fair I had been doing for years anyway.  But even for me, it nudged me to the next level.  I have become more solitary, and I am truly enjoying it.

Of course I have my various creative projects.  My art, my writing, and my music videos.  But even they are not as much a part of my daily routine as they once were.  

So yesterday morning I felt inspired to go out to Panera for a cup.  And when I walked in I was greeted with cheers and inquiries by patrons and staff alike.  “Oh my God, you’re still alive.  We were worried about you,  we missed you. This place isn’t the same without you.” And I even got a warm hug from someone who typically keeps her six foot distance from others at all times.

It was heart warming.  I didn’t expect such a greeting.

But, even though I was told I’d better be there every day again by someone I had seen there every day, today I just couldn’t do it.  

Just not feeling it.

But I know this is by design, set up by my soul, so that I can go deeper into myself.  And it’s a much gentler way than getting a disease or something else.

So I’m getting used to the new routine, and the new me.  And from time to time I find myself inspired to go out for my morning infusion of caffein, but I’ll just stay in the moment with that.

I have warned people in my life that unless there is no choice, I prefer not to have any plans about going somewhere together.  I tell them, if you wake up in the morning and feel inspired to call, then we’ll take it from there.

But I don’t do well with planning things.  It rarely works for me anymore.  I don’t know how I am going to feel from one day to the next.  Even from one hour to the next. I prefer to not have anyone rely upon me when it comes to following through on plans.  

And for some, it’s very uncomfortable.  But they’re learning that I will rarely bend on that rule.

I am going through a major transformation, and they will never understand what that means. But for me, it means I must pay very close attention to how I feel, and what my needs are in each now moment, and follow my instincts, and follow my bliss.

It means there is NOTHING more important than my relationship with my own soul. And that means doing what feels right for me, which can change from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.

Some call it being a free spirit.  And, that’s a pretty good description.  

And it’s also being free from guilt, from shame, and from doubt.  And of course those human emotions will take some time to be released, but they have held us back, emotionally and physically for a very long time.

And for many of us they are on their way out.

Now it’s time for a walk in the preserve.  I better bundle up, it’s chilly here in Florida.

 

A5AA394A-9329-4D4D-AAD0-7A3F9A69A77E© Copyright 2020 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers, http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com

 

19 thoughts on “Maria’s Cafe

  1. Oh my gosh SiSTAR! So so perfect. COVID blessings. Making best friends with OURSELVES. Wooooohooooooo!

    I had a zoom meeting last night with my dance weekend committee. They kept wanting to plan things and I balked at that. I said things are changing and shifting. We just don’t know what might happen.

    And I’m laughing a bit because The Beans have been telling me for years that they CAN predict the future, but it will change in five minutes so they don’t go there. ♥️♥️🤣🤣

    “It means there is NOTHING more important than my relationship with my own soul. And that means doing what feels right for me, which can change from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.”

    Amen amen hallelujah.

    Thanks for the beautiful and timely post.
    I am enjoying my time so much. Reading. Sewing hats. Sitting. Pondering. Walking. Cooking. Eating.

    Love you sweet SiSTAR!!

    Loving US ALL!

    #WALLOWINGINGRATITUDE

    #lovingmyselfsoicanloveallmyneighbors

    ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🎂🎂🎂🎶🎶🎶🎉🎉🎉🎉☀️☀️☀️☀️👟👟👍👍👍👍👍👍💕💕💕💕💕🌞🌞🌞💤💤💤📚📚📚📚🧵🧵🧵🧵

    1. SiSTAR, so true about not being able to predict the future. And it sounds like you have found a lovely groove in which your life is balanced with creativity and relaxation and some connecting with others in joy. Life on your terms. Love you too. 🤗💜💕💕💕💕💕

    1. Gretchen, yes, me too. I have always been very responsible, and would rarely break my word or an appointment. Which is why I am very clear with friends that I would prefer not to make the appointment in the first place. That way, no one is disappointed or worse when I feel the need to cancel. Some will try to use subtle manipulation and guilt to get me to make plans with them, but I’m starting to see the game, and choose not to play.

      1. My experience is that women have a very difficult saying no effectively. It requires practice beginning with baby steps and watching how your body reacts until no to what is not right for you becomes easy. Then you are released…….emancipated with just a little word.

        1. Gretchen, thank you for your comment. I was just feeling into that today. That as a woman, and for most women, we feel compelled to take care of others emotionally, and that magic word ‘no’ is not easy to say. It’s the galactic story of the feminine overnurturing the masculine, who feels abandoned by her, and she feels guilt and shame.

          In interpersonal relationships we are learning that we may appear selfish because we are not giving into the neediness of the other. But we are recognizing that they are totally responsible for their own needs.

          And maybe we can look at it as saying ‘yes’ to ourselves and our own joy.

  2. Reading this was such an “Ah Ha! I am not the only one.” Yes, I have shifted as well and I’m just starting to understand all the ways and I recognize that I am still shifting. I like it. Whatever is next will not be the normal of February 2020.

  3. I feel so much the same way my friend. I am relishing my solitude in a more intimate way. I am listening to my soul and following these rapidly shifting calls to allow for more expansion and abundance. It’s only something we each ourselves solely understand. Beautiful expression sister. Peace, joy and love❤🎆🌠🙏🌌

  4. golf4life1

    “It means there is NOTHING more important than my relationship with my own soul. “

    Amazing statement, Maria. That resonated with me with the force of the largest bell in the carillon. Personally, I know I could have not made the progress that I have this year without the near isolation. Oddly, I’m grateful for the experience.

    While writing this comment, I was listening to the Byrds cover of Dylan’s My Back Pages. With the highly appropriate line to sum up my year in review.

    “But I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now!”

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