art by Maria Chambers
In 2009 I lost a significant person in my life. It was a tumultuous relationship, with highs and lows. I knew I had to begin distancing myself from him because he was disrespecting me, and the relationship was no longer serving me. The more I began to see it as a reflection of my own disrespect for myself, it became essential to release him from my life.
Shortly thereafter, he succumbed to an illness and transitioned.
I knew on a deeper level we had a soul contract to reunite this lifetime and clear old karma with one another. But I took his death hard.
I had come to depend upon him emotionally and financially, and it took time to release that sadness and pain. But looking back, I see that experience was an essential part of my awakening in this my last lifetime.
Shortly after his funeral, I came down with some type of respiratory infection, or virus. It kept me bed-ridden for nearly two months. I had a chronic cough, and it scared me. At one point I didn’t think I was going to survive it.
I took some measures to alleviate the symptoms, but I knew it needed to run its course.
It was very uncomfortable, but it served a purpose for me. It gave me an opportunity to slow down in my life, stop caretaking my friends and relatives, and go deeper within myself. It was, in its own way, my ‘Covid’ experience.
It pushed me to re-evaluate my life, and my relationship to people in my life. I was the consummate caretaker, and that was no longer serving me. Now I was in the throes of having to care for me. Everyone else had fo fend for themselves.
That would have been almost impossible for me to do otherwise. It took me another decade, but I have finally come to a point where I no longer need an excuse to put my needs first.
So the illness helped me to release old energies in my body and my mind, and was a good way to go deeper into my own awakening process.
And the Coronavirus and the current variant are also wonderful ways for people to go deeper and release so much stuck energies in their bodies and their minds. But like me those twelve years ago, most people don’t recognize that the virus is serving the same for them.
Like the Maria from those many years ago, they see it as something attacking them from the outside, and something to resist and fear. And, it’s no coincidence that the Coronavirus often manifests with respiratory symptoms, which is about the heart chakra.
For me the chakra affected was also the heart. I felt an opening of my heart at that time, as I faced so many fears, and sadness and grief.
Anything that happens in our life, an illness, and accident, the loss of a loved one, or a job are all hallmarks of deep change. They are initiations activated by our soul, into deeper levels of ourself.
In our awakening we go deeper, below the surface, as we experience the veil between human and soul dissolving.
Most people see life as just surviving, and are not that interested in exploring the depths of their own soul. So most people need a kind of wake-up call. And that’s what the Covid was all about.
Most people see accidents, illnesses or losses as random events in their lives, but on a deeper level, they understand that change always happens at the heels of such events. We humans are very resistant to change. And that goes for not just our mind but our body. Our body has its own consciousness, and often tries to hold onto stuck energies.
But on a deeper level, even our bodies understand that change is inevitable.
So, looking back, I can see the wisdom in the toxic relationship, and even in the illness that kept me home for so long.
Eventually, I emerged from my bed, and went for my first cup of coffee in almost two months. That was the most delicious cup of coffee I have ever tasted. First because I was getting my sense of taste and smell back, and second because I felt renewed,
I felt something had dramatically changed in my life. And everything that followed since then has been a part of my transformation from human to Divine human.
It doesn’t mean we need to have a dramatic illness or accident to initiate change in our life. And most reading this have already been through their dark night of the soul. Or are coming out of that stage. And if not, will be soon.
Energy is always in motion and is ever changing.
And I have learned through these experiences that it goes much quicker and smoother if we just accept the conditions we find ourselves in. Face them with compassion. Don’t try to distract ourself from the feelings with medications or Cannabis.
Because that just delays the inevitable.
I faced my emotions of fear, and grief, and anger without ingesting anything purported to relieve symptoms. I knew I had to just feel on the deepest of levels. And while it took courage and time, I’m glad I did.
Because it released layers of heaviness and guilt and sadness from my life, and has made it easier to feel my soul’s presence in my life and in my body,
Our bodies are being prepared through the light body, to accept our soul on a level that has never been done before on this planet, or anywhere in the universes.
It takes time and trust and patience, but as I like to remind myself often, what the hell, I don’t have anything better to do anyway!
Go well my friend.
© Copyright 2021 Maria Chambers, all rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others but maintain the article’s integrity by copying it unaltered and by including the author and source website link: Maria Chambers, http://www.soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com
24 thoughts on “TURNING POINT”
Wow Maria this really hit home. I tend to be a caretaker in relationships. I tend to be the one always getting in touch with people and asking how they are. I don’t want to do this anymore. Although I think I do it because I get lonely and feel isolated. Lately I’ve had so many thoughts come up that are so painful about relationships. Another dark night of the soul? It feels like way too much.
This also spoke to me!
AND I have been loving this COVID time as a time of going within and deepening my relationship with myself and with my honey. We are closer than ever. I am closer than ever with myself. AND that is the most important thing.
I just started therapy again and even though I studied, and really related to, co-dependency 40 years ago, I am studying it again and looking at the deeper layers. Oh my gosh……It is really helping me to look at “what do I want?” “What do I need?”. AND STATING it loud and clear.
A lot of good stuff happening.
Here’s to feeling all the feelings and embracing them and loving on them!
Been thinking about you dear SISTAR!!!!! love you tons and tons!!!
loving us all.
Wow, siSTAR, I’m so happy to hear that you are connecting more intimately with your SELF, and that self-love is being reflected back to you in your dear hubby. Amazing how energies work!
And yes, here’s to feeling all the feelings and loving them!
Love you tons and tons, too my dear friend! 💕💕🦋🦋💕💕
Wow, same thing happened to me in the same year, swine flu led to bronchitis and I was bedridden for 2 months, a lot of realizations and growth happened at that point.
Amazing, Heni! And someone else I know had a major life event happen to her around that time. No coincidences here!
Yes, mom2bzs, women especially have been wired to be the caretakers of the world, especially emotionally. And it has ended up in our bodies, but one way or another that is being extracted from us. We can’t take that suffering energy into our freedom. And yes, the sense of loneliness can be overwhelming and it’s nice to have others in our life, but it’s essential to set boundaries when necessary, and let them deal with their own feelings about that. It take practice, but it is so worth it.
Yes, Maria we have been wired this way. As a matter of a fact, my mother made me her emotional caretaker until I stopped in my 40’s and set firm boundaries. I wonder if its the extraction that’s painful? I really don’t want to life my life through suffering anymore. Right now I feel like I’m suffering a lot.
mom2bzs, awareness is the key. Yes, the emotions coming up can feel even more painful because we are much more sensitive now. But there’s nothing you need to do with those emotions other than acknowledge them, let them flow through you, and let your soul transform them for you. Over time they will not be compelling anymore. You will be amazed at how others too respond to you. A new dynamic comes into play. And the ones who still want to play that game will find others to play it with them.
And, it’s important to remember that when you set boundaries, those others are also have an opportunity to go deeper and become more sovereign, more dependent upon themselves emotionally.
Yes Maria, I do feel more sensitive, which amazes me because I couldn’t imagine being more sensitive than I was.
Me, too, mom2bzs. I’ve become even more sensitive now with certain things, but I notice other things I was super sensitive to no longer bother me much. It’s a process.
Reblogged this on Singing Tree.
Thank you David, for reblogging on Singing Tree
Well said, Maria. Here’s what I’m finding interesting, in the last couple of months, four ex-friends have contacted me. Boundaries were set ages ago with these folks, but it seems, or at least I’m intuiting, that they want to know if I’m still alive! I’m guessing it’s the age thingy… I’m in my 70’s now. Anyway, I was never one to hold grudges and so I’ve responded to all four, but will never again allow my heart to care-take others before myself. Amazing that so many consider our standing up for ourselves selfish when it could actually help them, too, if they would only learn to love themselves. This Soul Source connecting process ain’t easy, but it is perfect, and like you, I don’t think I’ll need to repeat it. Thanks for this essay, Maria, it hit Home, and Home is where the heart is. Love, B.
Interesting, Barbara, about the four ex friends. And I’m sure they sense the new you, and know the old dynamic no longer exists. I’m so with you on caring for ourself turns out to be the best for everyone else. Nice hearing from you. 💕
Reblogged this on Infinite Shift.
Thanks for reblogging on Infinite Shift. ❤️
Maria? I love you. 💐
I love you too, Jen! Thank you for being here and shining your light! 💕💕💕
A lovely read this is Maria. How you had the courage to face your inner emotions and how you stuck with it. Good on you, and you learned from it all too! I’m currently very inspired.
Hope you are well ❤
Thank you, James! 💕💕💕
“I faced my emotions of fear, and grief, and anger without ingesting anything purported to relieve symptoms. I knew I had to just feel on the deepest of levels. And while it took courage and time, I’m glad I did.”
Same. And that is why I m so glad to have found you and the rest of the community here, because people do not understand if they haven’t gone through the same thing. I strongly felt I had to face those painful emotions all on my own and that this process would take a long time. When I told a friend about this (after my dark night was long finished), she called it unhealthy. She didn’t understand at all what was it really was and why I handled it the way I did.
As for the caretaking role: I can organically feel how this role is not an intrinsic part of me but that it was conditioned into me. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy helping people. I do. I think it’s part of being human and that many people, if not most are indeed wired that way. The problem is when it is expected of you (based on gender or on family role (the child having to help the parents)) and if boundaries are not respected or people are manipulated into helping. that’s when it becomes toxic and it’s not an easy feat to unlearn und detangle those energies when they no longer serve us.
Hi Kat. Yes, boundaries seem to be a big issue with many of us. And for me it has been coming up big time, as my soul presents me with opportunities to see how I haven’t been setting clear ones.
And you’re right about it being toxic when people are trying to feed off others. It’s easy to spot the energy feeding more and more, because of the way it makes us feel. For me, guilt surfaces and I know that’s a signal that someone is trying to manipulate me.
Or, more to the point, I’m still carrying guilt and my soul is in the process of releasing it from my being.
And I’m so glad you’re part of this community, and have been for many years. ❤️
“It’s easy to spot the energy feeding more and more, because of the way it makes us feel. For me, guilt surfaces and I know that’s a signal that someone is trying to manipulate me.”
I know what you mean. Guilt is an especially annoying one and it annoys me to this day but I have been working on releasing it, too. For me comes up even if the other person does not manipulate. I think it comes with the territory when we learn to set boundaries. Our subconscious feels we are not supposed to be doing this and we are not being “good people” if we set boundaries so it makes us feel guilty. I feel it will subside over time though and setting boundaries will come more easily.
“And I’m so glad you’re part of this community, and have been for many years”
Thank you. That means a lot. And I m so glad you created this space for of all us to meet up and share out thoughts on stuff not many people in our personal circles would understand. And of course thank you for your amazing articles that resonate all the time. I can feel at home here.
And it means the world to me Kat, to have kindred and courageous souls to share the joy as well as the concerns with through this often arduous, and absolutely amazing transformation! Love to you my friend! ❤️