It’s the wee hours of the morning, well, actually 7 a.m., here at Starbucks. I am enjoying my first cup of the day. The barista tells me it’s their Christmas Blend. I bring my own cup, because I prefer ceramic over paper, and I order a short and their ceramic cups are soup-sized. It’s my little ritual.
it’s early November, and already there’s holiday tunes being piped out of the P.A. system. Normally, that would annoy me. Yet, I find myself singing along. And I’m enjoying the festive red and green packages containing coffees and gifts on display.
The weather has been typically warm for this part of Florida, until this morning. It’s dipped down into the upper 50s. There’s a bracing air out there. It’s nice to dust off the jacket, and hopefully by December I will be wearing gloves. We have four seasons down here, and if you’re not paying attention you could miss them. They are much more subtle than up north, in New Jersey, where I grew up.
I am in awe of how my life has changed over the past few years. On the surface it may seem there isn’t much that has changed. And some may say it’s gotten worse.
I’m no longer connected to family, and most of my friendships have gone by the wayside. I spend most of my day by myself, other than the times I sit here and enjoy the community of the American coffee shop.
When I was visiting Greece, I noticed most people spent a good part of their day and their evenings relaxing at cafes and bistros. A kind of celebration of life.
I think we Americans try to capture that continental flavor, but it really isn’t the same. I try to cultivate it in my own way. The sense of leisure and taking in life and its many sensual pleasures.
I went through decades of holiday dread. Not only did I feel pressured to do the family get-togethers of elaborate Christmas dinners, exchanges of pleasantries and gifts. There was so much emotional heaviness, at least for me, associated with Christmas.
But back then, I was still in full karmic mode with all kinds of emotional baggage. I was taking on everybody’s stuff, and didn’t even realize it. So I was feeling the sadness, and the loneliness that wasn’t even mine. And around holidays, especially Christmas, it was an existential despair free-for-all. Shopping at Macy’s was heart-wrenching, I’ll Be Home For Christmas sent me into a clinical depression.
Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to come together with others to celebrate the holidays. And there were many times in my life when it felt good. In fact, I remember giddily wrapping gifts at home Christmas Eve. Full disclosure…I was a gift wrapper at a department store back in my college days. So I got the bows right the first time around.
But overall, there was just too much entanglement with others and their unresolved issues.
Now I am pleasantly surprised to find myself singing along with these schmaltzy tunes here at Starbucks. It just took letting go of the matrix, ancestral karma, and all of its obligation and guilt. Something we can offer to those who will also be ascending, and going through the awakening process. The promise that they will be able to enjoy life without the old bagging slowing them down and pulling them back.
So, my life has changed. I can safely say I am slowly becoming the proverbial little child again, taking it all in, engaging all the senses, and then some, for the first time.
Finally, enjoying the Christmas holiday sans the angst. I may watch Miracle on 34th Street when I get home. Or, Bad Santa.
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